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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Bizarre Lawsuits

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CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, January 5, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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Greetings Fellow Bizarros:

Last week I ran a story about a wheel-chair-bound man who
is in the process of suing a strip club because there is no
wheel chair access to the room where the girls perform lap
dances. I thought this was pretty far out on the edge of
believeability as far as law suits were concerned until I
read a story that several subscribers sent to me this week.

It seems an obese man in New York is attempting to sue four
fast food restaurants because eating their foor made him fat.
I have no idea where the logic in this story even starts,
so I will just give you some of the facts to see if you can
figure something out.

5-foot-10 and 272 pound Caesar Barber filed suit against
McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
He claims he thought the advertisement of these companies
that their products are '100 percent beef' meant that they
are good for you (no explanation of where KFC fits into
that). He further explained that the restaurants do not tell
their patrons exactly what's in the food, saying, "It's all
fat, fat and more fat. Now I'm obese."

His lawyer, Samuel Hirsch, said the restaurants should list
ingredients on their menus, despite the fact that the four
chains have been providing nutritional information, including
carlorie and fat content, of their meals for years.

Now, the real question is whether this law suit will ever
make it out of the clerk's office. If this actually goes to
trial it will open up an avenue for law suits like we can't
even imagine. One thing is for certain, though, if, by some
bizarre circumstance Mr. Barber wins his case, you will pay
for his settlement every time you buy a cheeseburger.

Bizarrely,

Lewis


P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum

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+------------------ Bizarre Con-Artists ------------------+

In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack
bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them
on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank of San
Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made
$700,000.

Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling
fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted
as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and
was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax
netted him over $2,000,000.

When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950,
he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United
Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three
weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders...
for a circus that didn't exist.

By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim
he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The
enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in
1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.

Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented aban-
doned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a
genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of mon-
ey before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This,
plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000.
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-- Virginia Woman Wages Private War on Parking Violaters ---

She's called "The Boot Lady." Drivers unfortunate enough to
park in Cat Crosby's assigned parking spaces in Alexandria,
Va., likely will meet her because she watches for violations
from her monitor camera in her office and when she spies one,
she attaches one of those parking boots on the car -- so it
cannot be moved. The Washington Post reports several times a
week there is a confrontation -- drivers who don't believe
a private citizen can boot a vehicle and Crosby, who won't
remove the boot until the offender pays her a $25 fine.
Police are called, the paper says, to smooth things over and
to tell angry drivers it actually is legal for Crosby to
boot their vehicle. Crosby, who runs Kiniko Industrial Corp.,
works at an office complex where parking is scarce. Businesses
are assigned a specific number of spaces. Police say her
efforts are turning into a regular pain.

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----- Australia's Newest Guard Animal - the Mini Camel -----

SYDNEY, Australia - Australian farmers have found the ultimate
guard animal - the alpaca, a miniature camel from the high
Andes. Alpacas are known for being extremely protective and
like a good guard animal, they often sacrifice themselves to
save their charges. When they see an enemy approach, for
instance a fox, they emit an ear-piercing shriek that alerts
the sheep and farmer. Generally the fox become intimidated by
the noise and simply leave. But alpaca breeder Geoff Fysh
said, "Usually a fox is too quick and will get over a fence...
but there are a handful of anecdotes of alpacas actually
catching up with a fox and they will kill them if they get
a chance. That's usually by trampling on them with their
front feet which would be a pretty slow death...they don't
have a hoof or anything."


-- Cab Driver Gives Thieves a Ride to the Police Station ---

MONTVILLE, Connecticut - Cab drivers often meet...colorful
characters, and Wednesday night was no different for Yellow
Cab driver Dan Ricketts. He picked up two people, Gloria
Smith, 49, and Reginald Corey, 44, from Dunkin' Donuts, and
the patrons asked him to pick up their friend from a nearby
gas station. Ricketts became alarmed when their "friend",
Calvin Branham, 33, jumped in the cab and yelled "Go, go
go!" instead of giving a new destination. "I got a sinking
feeling in the pit of my stomach," said the driver. Fortu-
nately, Ricketts heard a startling announcement on his
police scanner. Police indicated there had just been a
robbery at a gas station and that a cab had been seen in the
area, but the three customers didn't hear it. Ricketts
cleverly drove the three stooges to the police station,
where Smith and Corey were easily arrested. Branham managed
to escape but was arrested after a half-hour chase through
the woods. They are now being held on several charges.

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-------- Owner Discouraged By Dog's Cigarette Habit --------

MIDDLESBROUGH, England - Yvonne Stubbs has decided to give
up smoking not for health reasons, but to help cure her pet
dog's 20-a-day addiction to cigarettes. Her dog Patch, a
Jack Russell, immediately attacks the ash tray when she puts
out a cigarette. He is addicted to chewing the tobacco and
likes to spit out the filters. If Patch goes for too long
without a cigarette, he whines and makes begging noises
until he gets what he wants. His owner has even considered
getting him a nicotine patch. "I don't begrudge anybody
a fag, but this is ridiculous. He doesn't like whole
cigarettes, just the ends. I would try nicotine patches
on him, but I don't know where I'd put them and he'd just
scratch them off," said Stuffs. In the meantime, she and
her daughter are trying to stop smoking to encourage Patch
to give up the habit as well.


--- Toddler Hits the Road at 4 AM to Search for Parents ---

SAN JOSE, California - Little three-year-old Lupita woke up
in the middle of the night to a dark, quiet house. Instead
of panicking when she couldn't locate her parents, she put
on her backpack, and wearing only pajamas, hit the road in
search of her loved ones. Tow-truck driver Ken Pinkham was
returning home at 4:00 am when he saw the toddler walking
on the side of the road all by herself. As he passed her,
Pinkham says Lupita shot him dirty looks. Trying not to
frighten her, he quietly went back to his truck and called
the police, keeping an eye on her all the while. When
officers arrived at the scene, Lupita kicked one of them in
the genitals, yelling in Spanish. They found her address in
the girl's backpack and took her home. That's when the real
story unfolded - Lupita's mother was pregnant, and her
parents had to suddenly leave for the hospital. But they
didn't leave the girl unsupervised. They told a roommate
that they were leaving, but the roommate promptly went back
to bed.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

What is the criminal world thinking? Tell me if you think
this is a fair price for a toothbrush. Joseph Blair, 18, of
Conway was arrested at the Kroger store on Oak Street after
he was caught allegedly trying to steal a toothbrush. The
man allegedly shocked on officer with a stun gun during the
arrest. He was arrested on suspicion of felony aggravated
robbery, criminal use of a prohibited weapon, battery and
misdemeanor offenses.
[That's what I call a fanatic about dental hygene.]


I like your Monty Python references with the Moose. I just
don't think people are getting it. Thanks for the Bizarre!
--CT
[Peoples' lack of success in their love lives is none of my
business.]


please! this guy should get out more. cajun women have so
much fire and passion that sheep are entirely unsuitable
as replacements.....why else do you think grown men would
wrestle live alligators? Personally though I prefer the
women here....they smell nicer though the claws marks are
nearly as bad.
[Now that's funny...and probably true.]


Hey Lewis, do you know how to defend yourself against a man
armed with a banana? --Cindi
[Does it involve two scoops of ice cream and hot fudge?]


Hey Lewis, Are you my Daddy?
[I don't know. Do you have six toes on your left foot?]


Lewis you are a sick monkey
[Probably closer to a sea monkey.]


LEWIS, I have a great story for you. I used to be infatuated
with dolphins. I always wanted to [CENSORED] in the blow-
hole. My ex-wife would get so pissed when I told her about
this. -EDDIE
[There are drugs now which can help you with this kind of
thing, Eddie.]


------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:
Email Lewis
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