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Publication: Classic Bizarre
What Women Check Out First in Men

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

        CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, December 5, 2006           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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          GopherCentral's Question of the Week
          
Do you think "Kramer's" recent racist comments will kill 
his career?

Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
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Greetings Fellow Bizarros:

When I made the request in last week's issue of Bizarre News 
for women to write in with what they check out first on a 
man, I did it as an afterthought. I really wasn't planning 
to conduct a formal poll. But the response was remarkable 
none-the-less. I received nearly three hundred emails from 
women sharing some rather intimate details about their pre-
ferences. So, instead of ignoring a great opportunity I have 
done my best to compile the submissions into some general 
categories. 

I don't mind saying that it made some interesting reading. 
I didn't imagine the feminine segment of my readership 
would be so vociferous about this kind of thing. But your 
preoccupation with the subject was clear. The Estrogen 
coming through my computer screen was making my eyes water. 

Pay attention men! According to female Bizarre News readers 
this is what is catching their eyes...

The butt definitely had the majority of responses. Forget 
'manners' or 'a great laugh.' The gluteus maximus gets the 
maximum attention. 

Eyes and teeth made a close second and third showing that 
women are definitely shopping for genetic material. Big 
muscles were, surprisingly (to me), much farther down the 
list. Hands made a respectable showing which is still a 
mystery to me. 

Plus, there were a few more unusual entries, the highlights 
of which I have reprinted for you in the "Readers' Comments" 
section at the bottom of the page. 

I am almost tempted to solicit responses from men on what 
they check out first...but what would be the point, really? 

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
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+-------------------- Bizarre Hoidays ----------------------+ 
                          
Check it out at:
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----------- 'Waiter, There's a Bug On My Plate.' -----------

BANGKOK, Thailand - Locusts and other crop eating insects 
have always been a problem in Thailand. But these people have 
found a new way to deal with them. They eat them. The demand 
for crop-eating pests and other insects has soared to such 
an extent in the past decade that a pound of locusts commands 
a better price than a pound of corn. But it is not only 
locusts and crickets that appeal to the Thais. Silkworms, 
water bugs, grasshoppers, ants, ant eggs, bamboo worms and 
scorpions are also becoming a big part of the Thai kitchen. 
The most popular method of preparation is to fry them until 
they crackle. Then spray them with soy sauce and hot pepper, 
occasionally adding monosodium glutamate to taste. 

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------- Would You Like a Side of Rat with Your Bugs? -------

BERGEN, Norway - A thief in Bergen decided to make his money
for the day by stealing meat from a delivery van and then
selling it to customers. Only the stolen goods turned out to
be rat and mouse meat originally intended to feed snakes at
the Bergen Aquarium. The thief was unaware of the actual
contents as he began to sell it to customers outside the 
Oasis shopping mall. Mall guards warned police about the heist,
and the illegal meat sales were immediately halted. In the
meantime, some of the rat and mouse meat was already sold, 
but no customers have come forth to file a complaint. There 
were about 100 rats and 30 mice before the theft, and police
indicate there were some missing afterwards.

-------- A Great Mile-Stone for Personal Watercraft --------

A man with way too much time and money on his hands has be-
come the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean on a jet-ski. 
Spanish count Alvaro de Marichalar ended his long journey at 
a Miami marina on Saturday, four months after setting out 
from Rome. He made the crossing on a 2.7 metre (nine foot) 
jet-ski capable of carrying two people. His route took him 
to many countries - including Morocco, Gibraltar, the Canary 
Islands and eventually Cuba. Marichalar rode his jet-ski for 
an average of 12 hours a day. He spent most the voyage 
standing up, to prevent spinal injury. A support ship with 
six crew members carried fuel and food. 

------------------- Stupid Criminal Acts -------------------

JAPAN - D'oh! A man tried to pull off the classic bank 
robbery, but ended up locked in the vault. The man, who was
thought to be Brazilian, was armed with a knife and demanded 
cash from tellers at the UFJ bank in Tsu on Honshu Island. 
The tellers placated the robber and took him to the bank 
vault. That's when they turned the tables on the buffoon
and were able to lock him inside. Employees immediately
called the police and told them the robber had "dropped his
guard." No one was injured. Except for the robber's ego.

------------------------------------------------------------

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-------- "Haunted" Apartments Available in Hong Kong -------

HONG KONG - To help needy families find affordable housing,
the Hong Kong Housing Authority is making 77 apartments 
available at reduced prices. But, of course, there is a catch.
The 77 apartments, among 3,000 units with "unfavorable
conditions", are believed to be haunted. Cruel and gruesome
murders and suicides have taken place in some of the units,
and the ones considered "unfavorable" are close to rubbish
dumps and share bathrooms and kitchens with other tenants.
Nonetheless, the Housing Authority expects to receive over
10,000 applicants and stand to make $384,600 from the 
rent. 

------------------------------------------------------------
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

My son came home from school recently and told me "apparently 
there are men who marry men," I replied yes, and some women 
marry women, there are lots of different types of people in 
the world.  He narrowed his eyes and said "and you knew about 
this?" --Donna 
[They say ignorance is bliss.]


If England scores and Michael Mime's prediction about getting 
a nail in the bum comes true, does that mean the English team 
nailed him in the ass? --Scott
[Yes, that's exactly what it means.]


Lewis, While I appreciate most male attributes, I must say I 
am definatly a MOUTH gal. The bigger, the better. I don't know 
why, but guys like Steven Tyler do it for me every time! -Janet
[Try dating a harmonica player.]


I'd have to say that a guy's smile gets me first. After that 
- I check to see if they have nice arms, not overly muscular 
but not totally stringy. -Chloe


Hey Lewis -- I always admire sculpted upper arms. Yesterday 
a motorcyclist was behind me with beautiful muscular arms 
with a tattoo around one arm's muscles...i almost rear-ended 
the car in front of me looking in my mirror at that guys's 
arms. -Lyn


Lewis, I always look at the eyes. They are the windows of the 
soul. Next, I like a rear view of a tight butt. --Linda
[I knew the butt had to figure in there somewhere.]


I'll keep it way clean.  For some reason....could be all the 
time spent in the gym around under dressed men...but I love 
a man's thighs. I guess it goes back to me being a runner and 
watching a sweating, pulsing pair of thighs pump their owner 
around a track in the summer heat....whew....it's getting hot 
in here...debra
[I know...I'm starting to sweat just thinking about all that 
exercise.]


In regards to what women look at in a man...personality baby! 
I don't care how good looking you are, if you don't have a 
personality to go with it, then you aren't worth the time of 
day! It's the whole "package". -Paula
[That must be why all those men spend so much time in the gym 
working on their personalities.]


The first and most important thing a woman will check out on 
a guy is his butt... if he has a large, bulging wallet back 
there..go get him. --Laura
[Finally...an honest woman!]


Oh I'm definitely a head person.  If they have a good, nice, 
round, even, symetrical head then they've got to be ok all 
around.  Of course after the head the bum immediately is 
inspected...Bitz
[So, I guess men with a flat-top haircut are out for you.]


------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: 
Email Lewis
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