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Publication: Classic Bizarre
The LASIK Procedure

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

     CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, February 27, 2007           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Welcome to Thursday. Surprised to see me? If you are, you 
didn't read yesterday's issue of Bizarre News. Due to 
popular demand we are going to a five-day-a-week mailing 
schedule. And that means more Bizarre News for you. 

In unrelated news Anisa, the Shagmail purchasing manager 
and also the editor of our PulseTV publication, announced 
today that she is having the LASIK procedure done. 

For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a pro-
cedure designed to reduce your dependency on glasses or 
contact lenses. How is this miracle accomplished, you ask? 

Here's the part that makes me shiver. 

LASIK stands for Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis and 
is a procedure that actually changes the shape of the cornea. 
A knife, called a microkeratome, is used to cut a flap in 
the cornea. A hinge is left at one end of this flap. The 
flap is folded back revealing the stroma, the middlesection 
of the cornea. Pulses from a computer-controlled laser 
vaporize a portion of the stroma and the flap is replaced.

So far tens of thousands of people have had this procedure 
done and the success rate is huge. However, poor Anisa 
is still petrified. I can hardly blame her. If anyone has 
had this done please write in and let us know!

Bizarrely,

Lewis


P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
------------------------------------------------------------

+------------------- Bizarre Deaths Of --------------------+ 
                        The Famous

Attila the Hun
453 AD --- bled to death from a nosebleed on his wedding 
night.

Catherine the Great - Empress of Russia
1796 --- a stroke, while going to the bathroom.

Isadora Duncan - actress
1927 --- accidental strangulation when her scarf caught in 
a car wheel.

John Glasscock - musician (Jethro Tull)
1979 --- heart infection caused by an abscessed tooth.

Frank Hayes - jockey
1923 --- heart attack during a race. His horse, Sweet Kiss, 
won the race, making Hayes the only deceased jockey to win 
a race.

Tommy Tucker - musician
1982 --- carbon tetrachloride poisoning sustained while he 
was finishing floors in his home.

Tennessee Williams - writer
1983 --- choked to death on a nose spray bottle cap 
that accidentally dropped into his mouth while he was using 
the spray. He was 71.

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------------- Employee Put Out For Not Smoking -------------

A Dutchman lost his job because he broke the company's smoking 
rules. The strange part? The man was dismissed for NOT smoking. 
Jan Elzenga stepped outside for a breath of fresh air with his 
colleagues who were enjoying a smoke break. Unfortunately, the 
Steeg Packaging company has a policy that only allows smokers 
to leave the building. Having been previously warned, Elzenga 
was let go. When asked to comment, Elzenga said, "I was sacked 
for not wanting to smoke. Could you believe this?" Elzenga 
thought about taking action against the company, but decided 
not to waste his breath.

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--------------- The Horniest Place On Earth ----------------

HOREA, Romania - Corneliu Olar, mayor of Horea, Romania, has 
managed to successfully double the birth rate in his village. 
During his six-year tenure, Olar has been efficacious in the 
instatement of his sex theme park. The park is intended to 
be an attraction for couples who wish to make love in a special 
environment. The site for Olar's Valley of Happiness was chosen 
for its reputation as a location where lovers frequented. With 
facilities suited for romantic dinners, soothing music and 
phones for erotic calls, the park offers a variety of methods 
to get couples in the mood. Hopefully, frequent tourists won't 
confuse the erotic playground with Disney World.

------------------------------------------------------------
         GopherCentral's Question of the Week
          
Is the recent non-binding resolution on Iraq that was passed 
by the House meaningful?

     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, You're a freak!  Keep up the good work! --Cindi 
[Who told you?]


Wow!  5 days a week.  I don't know if I'm going to be able 
to handle all that bizarre news.  But rest assured, unlike 
the man who wakes up and [censored] before he reads the 
bizarre news, I read mine here at work and even use your 
material on my radio show in the afternoons.  Keep up the 
good work! --Nick
[Well, I've known a few guys who have admitted to [CENSORED] 
while at work.]


Whatever happened to the enjoyable, requiring-no-thought, 
nonsensical, no more than one sentence reader's comments 
that i was raised on?  I mean, I love you opinions but you 
know the attention span of a goldfish. --lauren
[What...you mean like this one?]


Bizarre news 5 times a week! Oh boy! Jumping for joy (My 
perky firm breasts are bouncing up and down with delight).
 --Mikki 
P.S. I can send a pic of me jumping up and down if u like.
[ mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com ]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: 
Email Lewis
------------------------------------------------------------
Not Enough Bizarre In This Issue? Then Visit EVTV1.com:
Bizarre Videos

Archive link: 
Classic Bizarre Archives
------------------------------------------------------------
MORE FUN, AMUSEMENT AND PUBS: 
More F-R-E-E Newsletters Here
------------------------------------------------------------
END OF CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

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