Home | Newest Editions | Most Popular Issues | Free Newsletters | Forums

Custom Search
Publication: Classic Bizarre
The LASIK Procedure

Subscribe FREE to Classic Bizarre by clicking here.

<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

     CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, February 27, 2007           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Welcome to Thursday. Surprised to see me? If you are, you 
didn't read yesterday's issue of Bizarre News. Due to 
popular demand we are going to a five-day-a-week mailing 
schedule. And that means more Bizarre News for you. 

In unrelated news Anisa, the Shagmail purchasing manager 
and also the editor of our PulseTV publication, announced 
today that she is having the LASIK procedure done. 

For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a pro-
cedure designed to reduce your dependency on glasses or 
contact lenses. How is this miracle accomplished, you ask? 

Here's the part that makes me shiver. 

LASIK stands for Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis and 
is a procedure that actually changes the shape of the cornea. 
A knife, called a microkeratome, is used to cut a flap in 
the cornea. A hinge is left at one end of this flap. The 
flap is folded back revealing the stroma, the middlesection 
of the cornea. Pulses from a computer-controlled laser 
vaporize a portion of the stroma and the flap is replaced.

So far tens of thousands of people have had this procedure 
done and the success rate is huge. However, poor Anisa 
is still petrified. I can hardly blame her. If anyone has 
had this done please write in and let us know!



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum

+------------------- Bizarre Deaths Of --------------------+ 
                        The Famous

Attila the Hun
453 AD --- bled to death from a nosebleed on his wedding 

Catherine the Great - Empress of Russia
1796 --- a stroke, while going to the bathroom.

Isadora Duncan - actress
1927 --- accidental strangulation when her scarf caught in 
a car wheel.

John Glasscock - musician (Jethro Tull)
1979 --- heart infection caused by an abscessed tooth.

Frank Hayes - jockey
1923 --- heart attack during a race. His horse, Sweet Kiss, 
won the race, making Hayes the only deceased jockey to win 
a race.

Tommy Tucker - musician
1982 --- carbon tetrachloride poisoning sustained while he 
was finishing floors in his home.

Tennessee Williams - writer
1983 --- choked to death on a nose spray bottle cap 
that accidentally dropped into his mouth while he was using 
the spray. He was 71.

Introducing Anti-Bacterial Food Storage Containers

Sharper Image Price: $69.95
Store Price: $29.99
OUR PRICE: $12.99

This 20-piece Food Storage Container Set promises to keep
foods Fresh... Longer than ever. Using revolutionary Nano 
Particle Plastic, it prevents mold & germ growth. Your
fruits and vegetables will last up to three or four times

We've made this 20-Piece set available at a staggering low
price. We know once you try it you'll love it and order more!
Don't spend $30 or even $70 on a set... Get it from us and 
in no time it will have paid for itself. Makes A Great Gift. 
20-PC Anti-Bacterial Food Storage Containers

------------- Employee Put Out For Not Smoking -------------

A Dutchman lost his job because he broke the company's smoking 
rules. The strange part? The man was dismissed for NOT smoking. 
Jan Elzenga stepped outside for a breath of fresh air with his 
colleagues who were enjoying a smoke break. Unfortunately, the 
Steeg Packaging company has a policy that only allows smokers 
to leave the building. Having been previously warned, Elzenga 
was let go. When asked to comment, Elzenga said, "I was sacked 
for not wanting to smoke. Could you believe this?" Elzenga 
thought about taking action against the company, but decided 
not to waste his breath.


Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99 per bottle

The #1 ALL NATURAL Diet Product For The Last 50 Years 
WILL Help YOU Lose Weight....

The best-selling and most proven All Natural diet aid 
available. For the last 50 years hundreds of thousands 
of people have successfully lost weight with Apple Cider 

Now you can get this Amazing supplement in an easy and 
convenient tablet form. No more bad tasting liquids. And 
its even more concentrated in the tablet form. Plus, it 
is guaranteed to work for you. If you don't lose the weight 
you want with Amazing Apple Cider Vinegar just return it 
for a refund. It's JUST $2.99 for 60 Tablets. Visit:
Today's Deal

--------------- The Horniest Place On Earth ----------------

HOREA, Romania - Corneliu Olar, mayor of Horea, Romania, has 
managed to successfully double the birth rate in his village. 
During his six-year tenure, Olar has been efficacious in the 
instatement of his sex theme park. The park is intended to 
be an attraction for couples who wish to make love in a special 
environment. The site for Olar's Valley of Happiness was chosen 
for its reputation as a location where lovers frequented. With 
facilities suited for romantic dinners, soothing music and 
phones for erotic calls, the park offers a variety of methods 
to get couples in the mood. Hopefully, frequent tourists won't 
confuse the erotic playground with Disney World.

         GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Is the recent non-binding resolution on Iraq that was passed 
by the House meaningful?

     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, You're a freak!  Keep up the good work! --Cindi 
[Who told you?]

Wow!  5 days a week.  I don't know if I'm going to be able 
to handle all that bizarre news.  But rest assured, unlike 
the man who wakes up and [censored] before he reads the 
bizarre news, I read mine here at work and even use your 
material on my radio show in the afternoons.  Keep up the 
good work! --Nick
[Well, I've known a few guys who have admitted to [CENSORED] 
while at work.]

Whatever happened to the enjoyable, requiring-no-thought, 
nonsensical, no more than one sentence reader's comments 
that i was raised on?  I mean, I love you opinions but you 
know the attention span of a goldfish. --lauren
[What...you mean like this one?]

Bizarre news 5 times a week! Oh boy! Jumping for joy (My 
perky firm breasts are bouncing up and down with delight).
P.S. I can send a pic of me jumping up and down if u like.
[ mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com ]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: 
Email Lewis
Not Enough Bizarre In This Issue? Then Visit EVTV1.com:
Bizarre Videos

Archive link: 
Classic Bizarre Archives
More F-R-E-E Newsletters Here
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Classic Bizarre by clicking here.

The Classic Bizarre Forum
Old News
Past Life- Bud Sprackle
Mounting a horse
View this Forum | Post a topic to this forum

Home | Newest Editions | Most Popular Issues | Free Newsletters