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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Past Life Regression

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

     CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, February 2, 2007           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Well, long time readers know that yours truly is not
really bizarre, rather a "voyeur of the bizarre." I
chronicle the strange, weird and off center for you (of
course there are others who contribute as well). But going
to a hypnotherapist will definitely go down as the most
unusual experience of my life...and maybe my death as well.

Yesterday I went and had a marathon session with an expert
in "past-life" regression. If you ever saw the movie,
"Defending Your Life" the experience was a bit like that,
only spooky yet comforting. I am still trying to make sense
out of it all and will be replaying the audio tape of the
session. I cannot really write about it quite yet and hope
to for the next issue.

Let me just sum up the experience by saying that if the
images and memories are real and not some kind of implanted
or imaginary thought, then we all have one heck of a ride.
You will not want to miss the next issue of Bizarre News...I
guarantee! Now, on to this week's issue full of what you
crave.

Bizarrely,

Lewis


P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
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+--------------- Bizarre Oregon Laws ----------------+ 
                   
Dishes must drip dry. 

The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out 
details of any written or oral discussion about your medical 
treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is 
what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart. 

It is illegal to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear 
during sex. 

Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. 

It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to 
smoke it on your own property. 

One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e., 
that which covers one's body from neck to knee. 

Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing. 
------------------------------------------------------------

----------------- Buried Alive!... Briefly -----------------

Madras, India - Residents of a southern Indian village allowed 
their children to by buried alive as part of a ritual, "thanks-
giving" service to two Hindu goddesses. In preparation for the 
ritual the children endured intensive prayer sessions and a 
30-day fast. Before being buried the children became uncon-
scious from the preparations, or the family was charged with 
a 35 dollar blasphemy fee. They were only underground for a 
brief time. 

------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------- Dinner Bites Back ---------------------

HANOI - A gourmet chef in Vietnam died after being bitten 
by a venomous sea snake that he was trying to cook as the 
nightly special. Le Hung Cuong, 22, picked up the half-metre 
sea snake from the glass aquarium it was kept in to prepare 
the restaurant's specialty, porridge with snake's blood. 
The snake lashed around and bit his left hand. He died en 
route to the hospital. "It was bad luck for him and for us," 
the restaurant owner said. Fortunately, the snake was 
retrieved by another chef within a few minutes and served 
to the waiting customer.


------------------ Make That Latte To Go -------------------

CHICAGO - An expectant mom gave birth in a restroom at a sub-
urban Chicago Starbucks. Mother and 7-pound-10-ounce son are 
reported recuperating at Evanston Hospital. Starbucks workers 
called paramedics, who arrived four minutes later to find the 
big event already had taken place. The woman, identified as 
Lisabeth Rohlck of Chicago, waved to a crowd of cheering cust-
omers as she was wheeled to the ambulance while she talked on 
her cell phone to her doctor. She had been on her way to pick 
up her 2-year-old son when she went into labor and pulled into 
the Edens Plaza parking lot.

------------------------------------------------------------
GROWING DINOSAUR EGG PETS (Dozen) 

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These novel pets are obviously not living creatures, but are 
highly amusing. Amaze your children with this educational and 
fun experiment. These toys are NON-TOXIC. 
Growing Dinosaur Egg 12-pk
------------------------------------------------------------

--------------- Do You Want Fries With That? ---------------

NEW YORK - Two New York DJs may be taking orders at McDonald's 
after their last stunt. Gregg "Opie" Hughes and Anthony Cumia 
of WNEW-FM decided they would hold a contest in which listeners 
would be challenged to have sex in high-risk places. Their 
contest came to an abrupt end after a Virginia couple was 
busted going at it in the famous St. Patrick's Cathedral in 
New York during a live broadcast. Apparently, the couple was 
having sex in a vestibule a few feat away from worshipers 
observing the Feast of Assumption. The "Opie and Anthony Show" 
has been suspended. 


--------------- Robbery Attempt Fails, Again ---------------

ILLINOIS - A 42-year-old, Wood River, Ill. man was sentenced 
to 12 years in prison after robbing the same pharmacy he hit 
20 years ago. Robert Crosno's 1982 robbery attempt also failed. 
He served six years in prison. The kicker? The clerk he held-
up in 1982, Vicki Meyers, still worked at the pharmacy this 
time around. Meyers is not happy Crosno could be paroled after 
six years. "In six years I won't be retired yet," she said.

------------------------------------------------------------
         GopherCentral's Question of the Week
          
Will you vote for a presidential candidate from a particular 
party no matter who represents that party?

     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis - in your past life I bet you were a lesbian! --Leann
[If I was, my appetites haven't changed much.]


I have actually experienced past life regression.  I was a 
skeptic, too.  What I learned was amazing.  I know this is 
not funny or anything, but it's true.  If it helps, all my 
friends and family think I'm weird. --Pam  
[Thanks...and no, it doesn't help.]


hey lewis- if you could bring any historical figure back to 
life so you could screw the brains out of them, who would it 
be?  --Katie
[Cleopatra...I hear she had a fine asp.]


PLEASE do not print a picture of yourself, Lewis!  I want to 
keep fantasizing what you look like.  Sigh....  You can't 
POSSIBLY be as handsome as I think you are!  --Tillie
[I guess that depends on how good your imagination is.]


Hey Lewis! You forgot to list another celeb. Pseudonym: 
John Bobbit - Les Johnson
[I would be offended by this if I didn't have such a sick 
sense of humor.]


Lewis, I read this in the news recently... "LONDON - Want to 
be more attractive? - then make sure those around you are 
having a drink. British scientists have found even modest 
amounts of alcohol will make the opposite sex appear better-
looking."  It took scientists to figure this out? It brings 
truth to the age-old adage 'I've never gone to bed with an 
ugly girl, but I've sure as hell woke up with a few.'


What is the atomic weight of plutonium? --Joyce Wells
[94, with an atomic mass of 244 amu. Now fair is fair... 
what is YOUR atomic weight?]


How fitted should a pair of chaps be for a western pleasure 
show? 
[I would say just snug enough to avoid chaffing.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to:   
Email Lewis
------------------------------------------------------------
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