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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Mother Shoots Child With A BB Gun

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

     CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, February 20, 2007           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I don't know if there happens to be more of these stories in 
the news lately, of if I am just noticing them because of 
the stir generated by the screaming torture-dolls discussed 
in Saturday's issue, but violence involving children seems 
to be a hot topic this week. 

The first story to catch my eye concerned a Texas man who 
disciplined his 8-year-old son for missing the school bus 
by zapping him with a stun gun. I'm not exactly sure what 
the state recognized definition of child abuse is, but this 
must fall under it. Incredibly, the man defended his actions 
by explaining that he tested the device, for which he traded 
a pack of cigarettes, on himself, a neighbor and his wife 
before using it on his son. Well, then, it must be alright. 

If you try real hard you can almost see the T-shirt, mustache 
and Marlboro cigarette hanging out of his mouth. 

In the same vein comes a Florida woman who had little patience 
for her 10-year-old son's antics. While on their way to the 
store the boy climbed a tree and refused to come down. Instead 
of arguing with him the mother produced a BB gun (which she 
must carry in her purse) and shot him in the arm. We can only 
assume he came down after that. 

Being a father myself, I understand the importance of disci-
pline. But these kinds of actions step right over the edge 
of common sense, much less discipline. It's important to 
remember the word discipline means to teach. What is the 
lesson of meaningless violence? 

Ponder that one while I go home and spank my wife. I want to 
test it out on her before I do it to my kids! 



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum

+---------------- Bizarre February Holidays ---------------+

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Bizarre News


---------- Aliens To Humans: "You Guys Are Swell" ----------

CANADA - According to a Canadian anthropologist, people who 
experience alien abduction can be positively affected. Krista
Henriksen says that her study of people who say they have been
abducted at some point suggest that aliens are quite congenial.
She claims that horrifying alien encounters are "by far the 
minority." According to her research, "Most often extraterrest-
rials were bringing messages of goodwill." Abductees report
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aboard their spacecraft, leave the probe-protector underwear
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--------------- Talk About A Speedy Entrance --------------- 

Fadia Hoffman, 33, gave birth to her son Breden Edward in five 
minutes while she was standing in her kitchen talking on the 
phone. The baby wasn't due for another three weeks. That mor-
ning Hoffman woke up feeling funny, but not having any cont-
ractions. She called the hospital, but within a few minutes 
her water broke. "It popped out like an alien," she said. "It 
just flew on the floor." The baby is safe and healthy. 

---------- Now Stink Like Oktoberfest Year-Round! ----------

MUNICH, Germany - A German perfume creator has managed to 
capture the essence of Munich's famous Oktoberfest, an annual
homage to beer. Inventor Peter Inselkammer is the mastermind
behind the new fragrance that reeks of rancid beer and 
cigarette butts. Festival-goers can purchase the pungent 
aroma, 'Armbrustschuetzenselt' Crossbow Tent, for around 95 
pounds. So, if you're looking to repel beautiful women and
smell like a tavern floor, just look for the pen-shaped 
bottle at this year's Oktoberfest.

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--------------------- Painful Getaway ---------------------

NORTH MIAMI BEACH, Florida - In a valiant and, unfortunately, 
successful effort, a bank robber in Florida made out with a 
bag of cash after a couple of painful mishaps. Not only did
the man accidentally shoot himself with the semi-automatic 
pistol that he threatened the cashier with, he was then hit
by a van as he fled the bank. The man was helped out from 
underneath the vehicle by unsuspecting pedestrians and pro-
ceeded to escape in an awaiting getaway car. Police are now 
hot on the case in search of a rich man with a bullet wound 
and tire tracks.

--------------------- Honey, I'm Home! ---------------------

Stefan Szekesy, 48, returned to Avrig, Romania after working 
in Hungary and Germany for eight years to find that his wife 
had declared him dead so she could inherit his estate. Valerica 
Szekesy, 37, had declared her husband dead one year after he 
left claiming she hadn't heard from him in a few months and 
she was sure he was dead. Stefan said he will launch legal 
action against his wife, who was living in his home with 
another man, to regain his f20,000 estate. He said, "I've 
not been dead ever, not even for a second."

         GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you believe a North American Union (NAU) among Mexico, 
Canada and the US is a good idea?

     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I just came back from a holiday in Austria and Vienna, at 
least, is chock full of statues, but the vast majority of 
them seem to be based on mythological themes like Hercules 
and Neptune, but the coolest ones were the sphinxes with 
boobs. --Mike
[I agree. There is nothing like marble boobies.]

Quetzal sighting! I was in the lobby of a hotel when i saw 
a leaflet for QUETZAL INTERNET CAFE. "Egad," i thought. The 
alien fiend has started its own business in SF (i suppose 
that would be a good place for him...) Thought you'd like 
to know. Love your publication. it makes me conversationally 
acceptable in social situations. -Non-Sequitur Kitten
[I was wondering when that devious alien would show up again. 
An internet cafe in California makes perfect sense! Thanks 
for the update.]

But supposing TWO swallows carried the sturgeon together? 
[They'd have to have it on a line. Maybe a strand of creeper!]

4 out of 5 sturgeons agree, fishing can be hazardous to your 

I would have to say I would much rather see a statue of 
Arnold than Michael Jordan, what was he famous for again
 - sleeping with 20,000 women? --wendy
[Nope. That's Wilt Chamberlain.]

please don't call keanu a walking vegetable u poof! i've met 
him twice, and i can tell u he is the most humble and gorgeus 
celebrity ever. --neomatrixgirl
[I didn't say that he wasn't humble or gorgeous...I said he 
couldn't act.]

Dear Santa - I am a 5 year old sadist. Could you please bring 
me a Stretch Screamer? And some whips & chains would be nice 
too. Love, Billy 
[You're a sick one.]

Lewis,  We don't have Halloween in Australia. It is very 
important for a child growing up in today's society to have 
some sort of contact with truly macabre things to help them 
deal with real life, and Stretch Screamers are an excellent 
teaching tool.  And besides, haven't feminists been telling 
us for decades how psychologically damaging Barbie dolls 
are? --susan
[Are you suggesting that teaching children to torture small 
objects is healthy? So tell me...how many amputee Barbies do 
you have? Of course, my favorite is 'cigarette burn' Barbie.]

Hey Lewis.  Are you going to come out with a new book soon? 
I've read the other two so many times that they're falling 
apart.  Thanks, Trish
[I'd love to get started, but I have to sell off the last 
book before the boss will let me work on the next one! If 
you are interested in some bizarre, uncensored stories, 
click on the link at the bottom of the page and take a look.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
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