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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Man Pleads Guilty to Sex With Horse

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

     CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, January 26, 2007           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I received an email from the Sun Herald's Tracy Dash. It
seems that the regular news outlets are getting more and
more "bizarre" and I am wondering what is going to be left
for us to report! Tracy sent me a story about a man found
guilty of having sex with a horse. Here is the first line
of the story (from Mississippi and not Alabama):

GULFPORT, MS - A Gulfport man will spend the next 18 months
in prison for having sexual intercourse with a horse.
-----
Well, the owner of the horse just happened (?) to catch the
perpetrator on video, so he pleaded guilty to avoid the tape
being shown in court. But wait, there's more! The horse
rapist must register as a sex offender.

Now, I know what you folks are thinking. WHAT IN THE WIDE,
WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS would possess a man to mount (OK -
bad pun) a horse? Apparently he blamed the episode on
taking the drug ecstasy. Circuit Judge Jerry O. Terry
ordered the rapist to avoid contact with the horse and 
gave him five years probation after he gets out of prison.

Moving on to our once a week, Ask Lewis section:

Why do men, or boys think that once a women hits 40 and over
she is an old bag and used up even though she still looks
good and doesn't want to be seen with her?
[When I was 22, it was exciting being with a 40-year-old.
Now that I am past 40, a 22 year-old sounds about right! I
think I need better timing.]

Are ya ever gonna let us see your REAL face? Come On! We
are dying to see!
[None of the editors-writers are allowed to show
our face, except on US Postal Service walls.]

If you could have sex with any muppet ...which muppet would it 
be and why?
[Miss Piggy. If one has sex with a pig, is the act kosher?]

Bizarrely,

Lewis


P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
------------------------------------------------------------

+--------------------- Bizarre Trivia ---------------------+

Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using 
products made for right handed people.

Taphephobia is the fear of being buried alive.

Clinophobia is the fear of beds.

The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can 
grow undisturbed on it's fur.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. [Figures.]

Astronauts cannot cry. In space, there is no gravity, so 
the tears can't flow.

A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you 
can eat your plate.

In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs. 

------------------------------------------------------------

---- "Doctors" Gone Wild!... Amateur Brain Surgeon Nabbed ----

CAIRO - Egyptian police have arrested a man who performed 
brain surgery on a number of people even though he had only 
a primary school education, court sources said Wednesday. The 
40-year-old saw around 200 patients a week in the town of 
Fayoum near Cairo. You'd think his pricing would've scared 
patients away... his charge a mere 22 Egyptian pounds ($4.74) 
per patient. The fate of his victims was not immediately known.

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-------------- Fake Paraplegic In the Doghouse -------------

SYDNEY - Steven Craig Seach, 32, faces fraud charges after 
claiming to be a paraplegic who was robbed and left hanging 
upside down from a fence post. He made his claim at a news 
conference packed with police and media people. Due to his 
claims, Seach received an abundant amount of donations from 
across the city. After being caught, he apologized and asked 
the public to leave him alone, he's had a hard life. His mother 
assured the public she would be keeping him on a dog chain 
from now on.


---------- The New Pussy Show... This Is Rated G? ----------

Cats are people too. At least, that's the thinking of cat-
food maker Meow Mix Co., which this fall launches Meow TV, 
a half-hour cable show aimed at giving America's 85 million 
felines a break from the endless humdrum of The West Wing, 
Touched by an Angel and Dog Eat Dog. CEO Richard Thompson 
foresees "a Discovery Channel for cats," though the firm 
will produce only a few episodes at first. "There will be 
squirrels, bouncing balls, little fish swimming by, and all 
the things that cats love to watch," says Thompson.

------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------

Man Eats Boiled Cabbage To Prepare For Hot Dog-Eating Contest

Olympic athletes beware... Ed "Cookie" Jarvis, 36, says his
competition preparation is very time-consuming. He rides 29 
miles on an exercise bike and walks a mile on an indoor 
track daily. You'd think good old Ed would be thin, but alas 
the 420-pound Jarvis' competition doesn't allow for this. He 
is the world's pizza, ice cream and french-fry eating champ. 
His records include consuming a 17-inch pizza in three minutes 
and devouring six pounds, 14 ounces of ice cream in 12 minutes.


---------- Charge It! Tummy Tucks and Liposuction -----------
  
MIAMI - Two Miani-Dade County prison officers are facing 15-
year prison terms and a fine up to $250,000 after using 
children's Social Security numbers to obtain credit cards to 
pay for plastic surgery. In addition to tummy tucks and lipo-
suction, cars and home mortgages were on the women's agenda. 
They, surprisingly, did not repay the credit they obtained.

------------------------------------------------------------
         GopherCentral's Question of the Week
          
Do you think America is ready for a female President?


     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

You knew Frank Zappa?! Somehow i could see you two
getting along.
[Frank had a Freudian theory of marketing by the way. He
said you could get any guy to buy anything if he thought that
he would get oral sex in return (cleaned up a bit for
our audience.)]

If a zombie in Haiti is resurrected twice, is that called
deja voodoo?


In response to one of your readers, I was just curious. Why
do all feminists hate men?
[We live in a man's world with glass ceilings, plus, they
are pissed because we can write our name in the snow while
urinating through our penises.]


I can't believe that you are reporting that Ann Landers is
dead. She was just spotted hanging out with Elvis in a
Tennessee trailer park this past week.
[We are now in our fifth consecutive week with Ann Landers
being dead. Stay tuned!]


What's all the hullabaloo about Elvis...we Jamaicans aren't
so weird or every time a rastaman passed by there would be
another Bob Marley sighting!
[Hey mon, doan be messin' wit da king. You know, 
      Poor mon, he wonna be rich;
      Rich mon, he wonna be king;
      King, he won everyting


Can you change the format of your bizarre newsletter it is
very mundane not the content just the format.
[Sorry, most people like text better. Besides, mundane works
for everybody in the world, remember, we have Australians
and Alabamans reading.]


Lewis, what is the longest you have ever made love?
[That depends upon whether you count the times without
a partner.]


How can I unsubscribe to this piece of S&#t publication.
What is so bizarre about the stuff you print?
[I will tell you one last time; Mom, use the unsubscribe
link.]


I am blind, can you please send the issues to my sister so
she can read them to me?
[We will do one better, we will BCC you from this point
forward.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: 
Email Lewis
------------------------------------------------------------
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************************************************************
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END OF CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

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