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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Living Fossils

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

     CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, February, 2007           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

While helping my son do research for a paper on dinosaurs 
recently I came across an unusual term...living fossils. 
A living fossil is an animal that was once known only by 
its fossilized bones. They were believed to have been 
extinct for millions of years. But then, to the embarras-
sment of scientists, these animals were later found to be 
alive in remote parts of the world. 

One of the most notable examples of these "living fossils" 
is the okapi. The okapi was once thought to have been 
extinct until they were found still living in the dense 
rain forests of Zaire. As the closest living relative to 
the giraffe, these animals were once used as evidence that 
the horse had evolved. 

But there is another, less widely used definition of "living 
fossil." In 1818, a geologist named Dr. Edward D. Clarke was 
looking for fossils in a chalk quarry 270 feet underground. 
Dr. Clarke found some fossilized sea urchins and newts. He 
dug three well-preserved newts out and placed them on paper 
in the sun. To his astonishment, they began to move around. 
Two of the newts died shortly, but the third remained alive. 
Dr. Clarke claimed the newts were unlike any other living at 
the time and were an extinct species unknown to science.

Had they survived for thousands of years in their rock tombs? 

There are literally dozens of reports of people who have 
found living animals trapped in stones, tree trunks, or other 
formations, sometimes hundreds of feet below the earth's 
surface. In every report, the animal (usually a frog or toad) 
is found as a rock was split open or a tree trunk was being 
sawed, with no possible way for the creature to end up inside 
the cavity of the stone or tree. 

Is this one of science's oldest hoaxes or are there prehistoric 
monsters lying catatonic hundreds of feet underground all over 
the Earth? I know it sounds bizarre, but it does fit nicely 
with certain other unexplainable phenomenon...the Lock Ness 
Monster being one. 



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum

+---------------- Bizarre February Holidays ---------------+

Go to www.bizarrenews.com and read about these bizarre 
holidays and more!
Bizarre News


--------------- Thousands Flock To Fake Rock ---------------

OULU, FINLAND - An audience of more than 2,500 gathered in  
Finland to witness the sixth annual air guitar world champion-
ship in the summer of 2002. Twelve finalists from eight 
different countries swallowed their pride and wailed away on 
invisible six-strings, hoping to win the title and the grand 
prize of a real guitar. While the act may seem shameful, jury
head Juha Torvinen claims, "One should not be ashamed of play-
ing air guitar. It's like masturbation. Everyone did it at 
some point." Although the competitors' props may have been 
invisible, their talent shone as bright as a rock star.

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We've made this 20-Piece set available at a staggering low
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----------- Russian Advertising Gone To The Dogs -----------

PENZA, Russia - As competition between rival stores in Penza 
escalates, Russian shop owners have found a new way to ad-
vertise. With the use of sausages and cutlets, workers are 
luring stray dogs into their shops and spray-painting them 
with their store's logo. In order to turn a profit, homeless 
canines are being turned into walking billboards promoting 
store icons and the items they sell. The marketing battle has 
become so intense that layers of paint are accumulating on 
dogs as shop owners paint over other logos and replace them 
with theirs. And who said the advertising industry wasn't a 
dog-eat-dog business?

-------------------- Internet Funerals ---------------------

Two cemeteries in Perth are offering to "web-cast" funeral 
services for family and friends who can't make it to the real 
thing. Relatives ordering the web-casts are given a password 
to access live footage of the funeral. A simple web-cast costs 
$110, another $110 buys either a delayed broadcast of the ser-
vice, held on the Internet for 30 days, or a DVD or video recor-
ding of the service. Customers who want all three options pay 
$275. Michael Duff of the Metropolitan Cemeteries Board said 
the MCB is making no profit from the service. 


Normal Price: $4.99

Okay, I LOVE these. And I use them for just about everything.
With the warm weather coming, they are great for outdoors.
I love to put all the pool toys in them. It allows for them
to dry after being in the pool and it keeps them all together.

Get a few of them. You can use them for so many things. Ideal 
for college students, holding toys, and all the laundry you 
can fit. The best part is the nylon construction that makes 
this light as a feather.

It folds down to 6" and pops up to hold TWO (2) FULL LOADS

Store it in the closet or in the corner of the room. We
guarantee this will help keep the kids' rooms tidy. This is
one of the best products we have ever carried and the
lightest hamper you will ever carry. 
Get A Great Hamper for Just $1.99

------ 'Iron-Fist' Snow White and the Seven Shao Lin -------

HOLLYWOOD - It's about time somebody updated the classic 
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs with a little high-powered 
martial arts action. Disney is negotiating with the 
Chinese choreographer of ground-breaking action films "The 
Matrix" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," to direct a 
live-action take on the popular fairy tale. The "Snow" up-
date is set in the 1890s and follows a woman who returns 
home to Hong Kong to attend her father's funeral after 20 
years abroad. She discovers that her stepmother is plotting 
against her and escapes to mainland China, where she seeks 
solace with seven Shao Lin monks who protect her.

----------- Disembowelment: Harder Than You Think ----------

KAZAKHSTAN - In an extreme protest against prison conditions,
43 inmates at the Kazakhstan's Aktubinsk penal colony threat-
ened officials with a mass suicide. However, the attempt 
failed as prisoners endeavored to complete the difficult task 
of self-disembowelment by shoe horn. Although commonly 
perceived as deadly, the shoe horn stabbing limited the in-
mates to minor injuries. After their bizarre stunt, prisoners 
ended up with further criminal charges against them. The 
added penalties will give inmates more time to think of tools 
that may inflict a little more bodily harm next time.

         GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you believe a North American Union (NAU) among Mexico, 
Canada and the US is a good idea?

     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Got a question for you, is all the stuff T.Z. has been 
saying about you true? For that matter is any of the stuff 
that T.Z. been saying true? And how bad is your wife's 
meatloaf? --Dave
[TZ's mind is like a fun-house mirror. Everything reflected 
in it is a distorted version of the truth. Plus, I would 
like to defend my wife's meatloaf in that it is mostly made 
of meat and is usually in a loaf-shape.]

Do you want people to forward your newsletter?  Here's how: 
Tell them that if they forward it to six people, the Taco 
Bell dog will appear on their screen.  There are plenty of 
people who will buy that load of crap. - Monica

Hey Lewis, are you more embarrassed by the actions of those 
guys at the White Sox game, or the fact that you are a White 
Sox fan?  -Dawn Siepka, Cubs Fan
[The faithful have always had to endure persecution.]

Reminds me of the WKRP episode, where they were going to 
give out Thanksgiving turkeys tossed from a helicopter. The 
station manager came staggering back in after the attempt 
saying, "with God as my witness, I thought turkeys could 
fly."  --Pamella King
[I thought of the same thing.]

I don't know how you do it but you are one out of hundreds 
of emails a day I get that I never immediately delete, I 
always read every-bit. --dave
[It takes talent, dedication and a complete lack of ]

Hey Lewis, Love your newsletter. I am also subscribed to Up 
Yours! and I used to be subscribed to Way Wierd. Why did 
they do away with it. One day they just quit sending it. 
[You're subscribed to Up Yours! I'm sorry to hear that. As 
far as Way Weird is concerned, I'm afraid I've never heard 
of that publication.]

Pay attention to where your stories are coming from. There 
are no sturgeon in south Florida. Sturgeon are found almost 
at the Georgia border in the Suwanee river. Here in south 
Florida we have barracuda jump into the boats and idiots 
who can't vote. -Russell
[Maybe they're migratory.]

While I hesitate to defend Jersey City, releasing birds 
isn't as simple as one might think. A friend of mine is 
a stage actor.  When he was in acting school, one of the 
student performances called for a release of pigeons. 
What these students didn't take into account is that heat 
from the stage lighting was trapped above the stage, much 
like conditions in an Easy-Bake oven.  So when the cage 
was dumped late in the show, what they got wasn't a flight 
of pigeons, but a deluge of roasted squab.
[At least the crew got a free lunch.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
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