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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Never Leave The Crime Scene Without It

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

     CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, February 23, 2007           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

After last week's parade of parental pariahs I found the 
following story to be doubly incredible. 

Nolan Koller and his son, Jason Koller, were elk hunting in 
Pocatello, Idaho last week when they became separated. 
Suddenly, Nolan heard his 29-year-old son crying desperately 
for help. 

He crashed through the trees to see Jason on the ground 
being mauled by a black bear. Though he was only armed with 
a hunting bow, the elder Koller said there was only one 
thing going through his mind, and that was to save his son. 

He shot the bear once, which caused it to abandon Jason and 
charge at him. With no opportunity to run Nolan nocked 
another and shot the 200-pound bear through the throat in 
mid charge. The second arrow killed it. 

"These guys are really good archers, but still, even at that, 
it was a darn lucky shot," said Larry Hlavaty, senior con-
servation officer with the Idaho Fish and Game Department. 

All I can say is it's a good thing he wasn't armed with a 
BB gun or stun gun. 

As a side note...I know we had a typographical error in 
Wednesday's issue of Bizarre News which sent more than 
a few folks to something called Hanky-Panky-College. This 
is certainly not our site and I apologize for any incon-
venience. 

The bizarre holidays for October are still on the web page, 
so if you didn't get a chance to see them last week please 
go to www.bizarrenews.com and check them out. I promise this 
link will work! 

Bizarrely,

Lewis


P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------- Bizarre Weather ----------------------

In October 1947 marine biologist Alan Bajikov and his wife 
were having breakfast when a downpour of fish plummeted from 
the sky in Marksville, Louisiana. Sunfish, minnows and black 
bass came down during a gentle rain shower. No whirlwinds were 
reported that day, which could have swept the fish from the 
Gulf of Mexico, over 80 miles away.

Dead birds fell from a clear sky on November 1896 in Baton 
Rouge, Louisiana. Ducks, catbirds and woodpeckers were 
among the birds that fell. The only explanation is that the 
birds had been driven inland by a storm on the Florida coast 
and were killed suddenly by the sudden temperature change.

A 2ft. long alligator fell from the sky onto the stoop of 
Mrs. Hiram Winchell in Evansville, Indiana on May 21, 1911. 
When it tried to crawl into the house it was clubbed to 
death by Winchell and her neighbors.

One inch long maggots covered an area assembled for the Oly-
mpic yachting event after they fell from the sky on October 
5, 1968 in Acapulco, Mexico. The maggots were accompanied by 
a heavy rain storm.

------------------------------------------------------------

---------- Never Leave The Crime Scene Without It ----------

UTAH - A 24-year-old man was arrested after his girlfriend 
accidentally tipped him off to police. She was merely trying 
to reach him on his cell phone to find out where he was. The 
problem was that the criminal left his cell phone at the crime 
scene. Police noticed the phone ringing during the middle of 
their investigation and answered. The girlfriend asked, "Are 
you with [the suspect]?" Police replied, "No, but we will be 
shortly." Lt. Doug Edwards told reporters about the difficulty
of being a criminal. "A life of crime is pretty tough. It's 
even tougher when you're stupid."

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------------------------------------------------------------

-------- Odd-ball Waits For Violent Lover's Release --------

NASHVILLE, Tennessee - Dennis Ross is waiting for his love
to be released from prison so he can marry her. Aretha Oneal 
was imprisoned after she used her fingernails to rip off one 
of Ross's testicles while he was asleep. Doctors were 
able to reattach the testicle and Ross was able to repair his 
relationship with his girlfriend as well. "I love that girl," 
said Ross, "That's my heart, my soul, and that's my better 
half." Hopefully, their future disputes are a little less 
nutty.


---------------------- Hot For Teacher ----------------------

BELGIUM - A 42-year-old Belgian man has turned his schoolboy
dream into a reality. After having a crush on his grade school
teacher when he was six years old, Minne Herv has reunited
with his former teacher, Daniella Waltens. He first fell in
love with her as she stood in front of the blackboard when she
was 18. Decades later, the two met again and Herv said that
when he saw her he "got the same goose bumps as I did when 
I was six." Waltens didn't feel the same way about him at first,
but after a romantic getaway to the south of France, she fell
in love with him as well. This story teaches us all that 
dreams can come true.

------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------

------------- Excuse Me, I Want To Spend A Penny -----------
 
Recruited nurses from the Philippines will be shown Britain's 
longest running soap opera, "Coronation Street," as part of 
their training for their new jobs in northern England's 
Macclasfield, Cheshire. Although the nurses all speak English, 
their vocabulary is more American that British. Therefore, 
viewing the soap opera will familiarize them with local 
customs and accents. "If a patient whispered 'I want to spend 
a penny' I doubt whether a Filipino nurse would know what it 
meant," said James Middleton of the East Cheshire NHS Trust. 
The phrase is slang for wanting to go to the bathroom.


---------------------- One Lucky Liar ----------------------

A district court found a Swedish woman suspected of tax fraud 
not guilty after it proved impossible to provide evidence 
against her. The woman told the court rats had eaten up the 
cashier records she stashed in her attic after her restaurant 
went bankrupt. The restaurant was under investigation for tax 
fraud at the time of its bankruptcy.

------------------------------------------------------------
         GopherCentral's Question of the Week
          
Is the recent non-binding resolution on Iraq that was passed 
by the House meaningful?

     Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, I think it's obvious the guy in Texas with the stun 
gun tested it on his head. --Sally
[That's not outside the realm of possibility.]


hi Lewis, A few newsletters ago you were talking about a sort 
of ball energy that people have seen. someone said they see 
them in hawaii a lot. Could you tell me what they were called? 
 --Emma 
[That's ball lightning.]


What the f--- Lew? I clicked on your link to bizzar news and 
it sent me to a porno site. I can look at porn any time, I 
read your column for the bizzar stuff. --MARK
[Really? You can look at porn any time? My wife would kill me!]


I don't buy that 20,000 women comment by Wilt Chamberlain.
365 days in a year. 3,650 days in 10 years...that would take 
him 54 years to do, if he was doing one woman per day. 
Remember also that he didn't start this quest at birth, (or 
did he?), so he had to be at least 66 years old before he 
could finish the job.
[Some people take all the fun out of hyperbole.]


lewis you're a sick twisted freak. I love u man. --Mick
[I love you too...just not in that way.]


My sister tortured Barbie for YEARS! Will the haircut horror 
ever fade from memory? How many times did I find Barbie's 
head separated from her too perfect body? Ah, those child-
hood memories! -K briggs


hey lewis ~ If you could go back in time and screw the brains 
out of any historical figure, who would it be? --Katie
[Someone asked me this same question before and I think I 
answered Cleopatra. But I think I might also be interested 
in Joan of Ark. You know what they say about those Catholic 
girls.]


Lewis...I can tell you that spankin your kids is perfectly 
acceptable! I grew up on Dr. Spock's book... every time I 
misbehaved, my folks beat the hell out of me with it! I have 
since developed a penchant for reading porn stories to my 
hubby as he spanks me!
[If I were you I would never tell this story to your parents.]


Hey Lewis, just wanted to tell you your publication rocks! 
Also wanted to add that, as a poor college student, the best 
I can do to support your letter is tell others about it...
and I do! If I could buy your book or click an ad...by golly 
I would! Alas, I am but a suffering student who can barely 
afford Ramen noodles for dinner.  Keep up the good, FREE work.
  --Kara 
[Keep passing it along, Kara! And don't think I don't appre-
ciate it.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: 
Email Lewis
------------------------------------------------------------
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Archive link: 
Classic Bizarre Archives
------------------------------------------------------------
END OF CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.

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