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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Case of Frozen Dog Semen Goes Before a Judge

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>          

        CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, January 2, 2006           
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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          GopherCentral's Question of the Week
          
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Now here's a story of heroism, sacrifice and plenty of plain 
and simple stupidity. Plus, it happened right here in my 
home town, which is why it caught my eye. 

It was hot here in the midwest over the weekend. VERY hot. It 
seems a Chicago-area couple hoped to beat the heat by re-
treating to Lake Michigan for a day of sailing. Todd Ver 
Halen and Nancy Mariani were cruising the waves near Wilmette 
in the 90-plus-degree weather when they decided a dip in the 
water would be just the thing to cool them down. Unfortunately, 
they forgot to drop anchor before leaping over-board, and while 
they swam around their boat simply sailed away without them. 

I'm no sailor, but it would occur to me that even without sails, 
the wind will push around an unsecured boat pretty well. Even 
Tom Hanks didn't swim away from his raft without a line in the 
movie CAST AWAY. 

Anyway, the Coast Guard got a call about 4 a.m. from a marina 
near Calumet Harbor about a truck still in the parking lot. 
About the same time, another caller reported Ver Halen and 
Mariani missing. A Coast Guard crew went out onto the lake 
and pulled in the pair about 6:30 a.m. By that time they had 
been treading water for about 14 and a half hours. The Coast 
Guard still was looking for the boat at the end of the day.

There's a lesson to be learned here. And that is...if you're 
not smart, at least be a good swimmer. 

And thanks to chicagotribune.com for all the details. 

Bizarrely,

Lewis


P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
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---- Meal-ticket Ends for Wildlife Around Disney World -----

Walt Disney World has stopped releasing flights of pigeons 
at shows because local hawks have been feasting on them. 
The pigeon releases began 30 years ago and have been a 
regular part of Cinderella's Surprise Wedding Show which 
occurs every day. But the regularity became the problem 
and the hawks living in the area figured out when it was 
mealtime. "When you release a group of birds like that, 
it's an invitation to a meal," said Geri Hylander of the 
Audubon Center for Birds of Prey in nearby Maitland, Fla. 
Hylander said the hawks, a protected species with more 
than a 4-foot wing span, thrive in an unspoiled wilderness 
area around the park. She said they are not particularly 
aggressive, but "they're opportunistic."

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-- Man Profits from Blackmailing over Adultery, Arrested ---

SEOUL, Korea - A man identified as Cho as been arrested on
blackmailing charges in Korea recently. The 35-year-old
extortionist sent letters to hundreds of random corporate
executives threatening them that if they didn't pay up, he
would expose their supposed acts of adultery. Though Cho
didn't know any of these people or have any proof of such
acts, a surprising number mailed the required hush fee. The
letter stated, "I am working with a pornography business,
and I have secured evidence that you committed adultery. 
Unless you send 1 million won to me, I will publicize it."
The suspect received over $7,500 from nine executives and
promptly spent the sum on entertainment and drinking. Cho 
got the bright idea after reading a similar con in Japan. 


----- Case of the Frozen Dog Semen Goes Before a Judge -----

WEST CHESTER, Pennsylvania - Patricia Lee Santi, a kennel
operator, has worked hard to build a reputation for breeding 
championship dogs. So when she recently had a falling out 
with her semen storage company, Clone Inc., she filed a 
property dispute over the frozen assets. For over 15 years,
Santi had a positive relationship with Clone Inc. While 
Clone insists the breeder owes them money, Santi argued 
that they had an agreement whereby if she brought them 
clients, they allowed her to store dog semen there. Santi 
has bred at least 300 championship dogs and says her semen 
storage is critical to a top dog's legacy, but Clone refused 
to release her property. Tempers flared over talk of embryos, 
ovulation tests, and canine progesterone, until the judge 
helped them reach a settlement. Santi gets her specimens 
back and will pay Clone $2,800 for transferring the goods 
to another facility.  


--- Would-Be Thief Arrested After Locking Himself in Car ---

GAINESVILLE, Florida - A 51-year-old man has been charged
with burglary and theft after locking himself in the car he 
was attempting to steal. After the would-be thief managed
his way into the 1994 Infiniti, an alarm was triggered, and
a security device automatically locked all the doors. It 
turns out that there is another button on the driver's door 
that would have simply released the locks, but the suspect 
didn't figure that out. Police found him crouched in the back 
seat, trying to hide from any onlookers. He had coins in his 
pockets that he had stolen from inside the car. Sergeant 
Keith Faulk said, "Maybe he needs a new line of work. He's
not very good at what he's doing now." Hmmm...maybe he should
consider getting a JOB.

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------------- Now That's What I Call Road Rage -------------

MINNESOTA - Gregory Peter Carr was annoyed by speeding 
vehicles and heavy traffic in front of his home, by County
Roads 29 and 164 in Minnesota. So he took matters into his
own hands. Armed with a 12-gauge shotgun and approximately
14 rounds of ammunition, Carr aimed at vehicles passing in 
front of his house and several were hit by his six shotgun
blasts. There were no injuries, but the road rager immedi-
ately went into hiding. Police found Carr in a nearby 
soybean field and he remains in jail until his first court 
appearance. He told authorities that all he wanted was the 
drivers to simply slow down and take alternate routes. 

------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world   
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The   
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..   
Bizarre Uncensored 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

hey lewis, jay leno was talking about the guy that was feeling
butts to tell futures. he called that "asstrology".
[I didn't know you could say that kind of stuff on TV.]


there's a wet t-shirt contest in my laundry every week...
[It's time to get out more.]


Lewis - More than 400 sheep leapt to their deaths this weekend 
in mountainous southeastern France -- likely a panicked attempt 
to escape from a pack of wolves, police said....Thousands of 
men in Arkansas, Louisianna, Mississippi and Tennessee are in 
mourning. --Bruce


Mind you... Moose bites can be pretty nasty...
[I'm sorry about that. The people who were responsible for 
putting that comment in have been sacked.]


Hey Lewis, If a swallow doesn't love you, should it then be 
called a spit? Love ya work, Larry
[You're sick, Larry. You should be sending this stuff to TZ.]


Lewis, you are about as twisted as they come, and i love ya 
for it.  Keep up the good work and snotty comments.
[I've been called many things, but rarely snotty. Well, I 
guess it's growth.] 


Hey Lewis, Once again I wanted to thank you for the laughs. 
I really needed it this weekend. My wife totaled her car and 
when I was driving her back home my car blew up in my face. 
My phone went dead, and then my washer breaks down on me. 
All of this in on day.  So you can see I'm not to happy but 
at least I got you to make me laugh.  Thank you so much for 
that! -Keith 
[Glad I could help. I hope you're still under warranty.] 


------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: 
Email Lewis
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