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Publication: Classic Bizarre
Bizarre Chicago White Sox Fans

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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>

CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, February 13, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Now here's a story of two classy individuals. You see, we
here in the Windy City have two baseball teams, as most of
you may know, and as you might imagine loyalty to these
teams runs strong. In other words, you love one and hate the
other. Being loyal to my lineage, I found myself a Chicago
White Sox fan by birth. So when I heard this story on the
news this morning, I couldn't help but feel a bit of embar-
assment and also an urge to kick the shit out of these
two guys myself.

Two drunken buffoons, a father and his son no less, charged
onto the field Thursday night during the Sox vs. Kansas City
Royals game at Comiskey Park and attacked Royal's first-
base coach, Tom Gamboa.

They caught 54-year-old Gamboa, who also coached that other
Chicago baseball team for five years, from behind and hit
him a number of times over the head. At the time he was hit,
Gamboa's attention was focused on the play at hand (imagine
that). His visible injuries were minor, including a small cut
above the eye and a few bruises.

As soon as Gamboa hit the ground his players rushed to his
aid, piling on top of the two attackers and going at them
until security could get the situation under control.

William Ligue Jr. and his son are being charged with aggrav-
ated battery. Their reason for attacking? Ligue's 15-year-old
son said Gamboa had flicked them off and got what was coming
to him.

My thought is, maybe security should have left the two of them
at the bottom of that pile for a while longer.

Bizarrely,

Lewis


P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum

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+------------------- Bizarre Hoaxes -----------------------+

In 2001 an e-mail began circulating that the Lovenstein
Institute in Pennsylvania had done research on the IQ of
all U.S. presidents, including George W. Bush who came out
at the bottom of the list with an IQ of 91. The e-mail
turned out to be a joke. It originated on a Web site called
linkydinky.com.

In 1977, Anglia TV in England broadcast a documentary called
Alternative Three. It told the story of British scientists
leaving the country to find higher-paying jobs, and then mys-
teriously disappearing from the Earth. The copyright for the
show was dated April 1 (April Fool's Day). Some were still
convinced it was real even after the hoax was uncovered. They
believed it was all part of a government's plan.

In 1967, a book titled "Report From Iron Mountain on the Pos-
sibility and Desirability of Peace" was published by Dial Press.
The report claimed the U.S. government was against the idea of
a warless existence. It caused a sensation among the public,
sending it to the top of the New York Times Best Seller list.
The hoax was designed to make people think the unthinkable.

In 1938, CBS Radio broadcasted a breaking story of an alien
invasion near Grover's Mill, New Jersey. Hundreds of thousands
panicked as the story came streaming through their radio's.
They would soon find out, it was nothing but a recreation of
the Orson Wells play "War of the Worlds." CBS was broadcasting
it in honor of Halloween.

------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------- The Best Laid Plans -------------------

Having a flock of doves soar past lower Manhattan, where the
World Trade Center towers once stood, was to be a dignified
Sept. 11 tribute on behalf of Jersey City, N.J. The New York
Times reports there was a small problem. The birds were
pigeons, not doves, and many couldn't fly. The Times says
many of the birds plunged into the Hudson River, some ran
head-first into plate-glass windows on office buildings and
others flew into the crowd, one resting on the hard hat of
a construction worker whose company had helped clear debris
after the terrorist attacks. Organizers say they tried to
hire a professional bird release company and found all were
booked, so instead they bought 80 birds from a Newark poultry
market.

------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------

------- The Best-Selling Coffins Among Necrophiliacs -------

In the latest ad campaign from Roman funeral home and coffin
maker CISA, women in skimpy costumes are used to sell death-
related products. The ad campaign also includes a sexy
calendar featuring an assortment of handmade wooden caskets
along with scantily dressed women and it is causing a stir
among women's groups and an unexpected wave of attention for
the small company. "We just wanted to make people laugh a
little during what is a stressful situation," Giuseppe Tenara,
one of CISA's owners, told United Press International. "We
never expected so much attention." In one ad a platinum blond
model leans over the "Imperial" casket to reveal her black
G-string. Another features a model in a see-through outfit
leaning on the coffin with a glass of red wine.


-------- School Official Delivers Low-Brow Assault ---------

NIGERIA - A Nigerian school vice-principal was charged with
grievous bodily harm after her attack on a local journalist
at a police station. Claiming her act was in "self-defense,"
Rose Eze stands accused of biting off the eyebrow of the
victim. The presiding Magistrate described the act as
"barbaric" asking: "Why should a woman bite off the flesh
of a fellow human being? Is she an animal?" Fortunately,
there were several witnesses to the event because Eze
swallowed the evidence. The bizarre attack certainly raised
an eyebrow among law enforcement officials.

------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------- When Fish Attack ---------------------

MIAMI, Florida - Several cases have been reported in southern
Florida of unusual sturgeon behavior. According to local
fishermen, these large river-dwellers, reaching up to five
feet in length, are leaping out of the water and landing on
unsuspecting fishermen. Injuries sustained from these flukes
range from minor lacerations and busted teeth to broken
sternums and collapsed lungs. It is not clearly understood
why the sturgeon leap out of the water so dramatically. Most
experts simply conclude that they do it, "because they can."
A new campaign is underway for the recognition of fishing as
a full-contact sport.


------------ False Step Puts Crook In Big Stink ------------

SYDNEY - During an attempted robbery in Queensland, Australia,
a pile of dog poop, believe it or not, aided police in the
capture of the suspect. According to extensive forensic re-
search, police were able to match a pattern of excrement
located at the crime scene with that found on the shoe of
26-year-old Jacob Smith. The fecal findings simplified the
case a great deal for local authorities. "It's not rocket
science. It's as plain as the ***t on your shoe," quoted
police sergeant Alan Piper. After admitted smell tests were
performed, authorities were able to sniff out the perpetrator.

------------------------------------------------------------
GopherCentral's Question of the Week

Do you believe a North American Union (NAU) among Mexico,
Canada and the US is a good idea?

Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week

------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I'm so sad that Opie & Anthony got kicked off the air. Last
October I went on their show to show them my boobs. They
liked them, but I didn't win the trip to Jamaica. All I got
was some free samples of Horny Goat Weed and pictures of my
boobs on the internet. But I'll forever cherish the memory.
How many girls can say they were on a major NY radio show
when they were 20? --Stephanie
[Sure...and how many girls can say they've had a picture of
their boobs on the Internet?]


Hey Lewis: what is a "buddle"? He! He!
[It's an inclined trough used for separating ores.]


Speaking of self-hypnosis, have you heard of hypno-birthing?
My wife and I are about to have our first child, a girl, and
we took a class on how to hypnotize yourself into not feeling
any pain. It sounds great, if a bit bizarre. --Rob
[I'm sure it will work well for you, Rob.]


Lewis, You're famous all over the world! How do you do it?
There's an island off the northwest coast of Scotland that's
named after you, the Isle of Lewis. At the northern end of
the island is a rocky area called the Butt of Lewis. Yep,
that's you! --Tom
[I'm sure it's not nearly as famous as the Isle of Lucy.]


Lewis, On the subject of your self hypnosis "prank"...good
for your wife! I would have punched you too. --Dee
[Women are so sensitive.]


Will the anti-radiation pants do anything for you during a
nuclear fall out? --Care
[Yes, 500 years from now reclamation workers in the blast
area will find the patch of material from your pants and
say, "Hey, look, another one of those strange little
pockets!"]


Last evening on tv I saw an ad for "Dad's Muffler Shop".
Take a guess at what their logo is...Ready? at Dad's
"There's no Muff too Tuff." --Christina
[Funny, that was my motto in college.]


Hey Lewis! I have a friend who specializes in hypnotherapy
and he gave me a little secret tip about its effectiveness.
He claims that it can only work if the person doing the
hypnotizing has a superior intellect than his patient. So,
if you were able to hypnotize yourself, what does say for
you? --Ted
[My subconscious got the better of me?]


After the school bus pulls away and the coffee is brewed I
can't wait to do one thing...open my mail box. I call it a
bizarre coffee day when I can read your newsletter with my
morning coffee. It brightens me and my friends even thank
you for that. Keep up the good work. --Tigerbaby
[Spread the love, Tigerbaby. Ask all of your friends who are
subscribed to Bizarre News to forward it to five of their
friends!]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to:
Email Lewis
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Not Enough Bizarre In This Issue? Then Visit EVTV1.com:
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Archive link:
Classic Bizarre Archives

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MORE FUN, AMUSEMENT AND PUBS:
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END OF CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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