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Publication: Bizarre News
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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, July 12, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Our purchasing manager has been full of herself lately 
because she scored a big hit for us. 

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I'm actually more than a little curious about this product 
because I'm wondering how well it might work on body hair 
that is not on top of the head. Not for my own personal use, 
of course, but I have this friend.... 

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here... 
Bizarre News Forum

All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
Bizarre News coffee mug. Supplies are limited so order yours 
today for just $2.99! Official Bizarre News Mug 

------------------------------------------------------------

+------------------- Bizarre Phobias --------------------+
             And The Celebrities Who Have Them

Chromophobia - Fear of bright colors. 

Famous Chromophobes: Billy Bob Thornton 


Lepidopterophobia - Fear of butterflies.

Famous Lepidopterophobes: Nicole Kidman 


Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns. 

Famous Coulrophobes: P. Diddy, Johnny Depp 


Chiclephobia - Fear of chewing gum. 

Famous Chilephobes: Oprah Winfrey


Eisoptrophobia - Fear of your own reflection. 

Famous Eisoptrophobes: Pamela Anderson


Botanophobia - Fear of plants. 

Famous Botanophobes: Christina Ricci 

                             ***

---------- Police nab suspect in his skivvies -----------

HARTFORD, Wis. - Police in Hartford, Wis., said they 
have arrested a man who allegedly ditched his clothes 
after a robbery to make a getaway wearing only his 
underwear. Police said the 37-year-old man, whose name 
was not released, robbed a convenience store with a 
fake handgun after purchasing a pack of cigarettes, the 
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported. The robber wore a 
pair of blue coveralls, but police said they discovered 
him riding a bicycle wearing only his underwear -- with 
the unopened pack of cigarettes and $412, the exact amount 
taken from the store, stuffed inside. In between the store 
and bike path where police found the man, officers 
discovered a pair of blue coveralls and a fake handgun. 
Police said the suspect told them he was robbed by a man 
who only wanted his clothing and let him keep the money. 
Prosecutors said the suspect, who was being held in 
Washington County Jail, was expected to be charged with 
armed robbery. 

------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------

-------------- Elderly women ram scooters ------------------

CRAWLEY, England - Employees of a Crawley, England, super-
market said they called police after two elderly women 
began using their mobility carts as bumper cars during an 
argument. Workers at the Iceland store said they found the 
women using their mobility scooters to fight one another 
after hearing screams coming from their isle, The Telegraph 
reported Tuesday. "Seeing these two old ladies going for 
each other like that was truly disturbing," said a worker 
who asked not to be named. "They could have been seriously 
hurt -- they were ramming each other like dodgems." Police 
said one of the women was arrested on suspicion of assault 
after the other suffered an injury to her arm during the 
confrontation. A granddaughter of one of the women said 
the pair had been friends but began fighting in the store 
over money. 


------- Two wounded when woman tried to shoot mice --------

SAN FRANCISCO - The Mendocino County, Calif., Sheriff's 
Office said a woman who attempted to kill mice with a 
.44-caliber Magnum revolver wounded herself and a man. 
The office said the 43-year-old woman drew the gun from 
a holster under her left arm with the intent to fire it 
at mice she had seen on the floor of a trailer that was 
traveling on Highway 20 in the town of Potter Valley, the 
Santa Rosa (Calif.) Press Democrat reported Thursday. 
However, the woman dropped the gun and it fired a round 
when it struck the floor, the report said. The bullet went 
through the woman's kneecap, glanced off keys on the belt 
loop of a 42-year-old man who was also inside the trailer, 
tore a hole through the man's pants and grazed his groin 
before coming to a stop in his coin pocket. The sheriff's 
office said the bullet has been admitted to evidence. The 
victims' names were not released. 

------------------------------------------------------------
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At these affordable prices you can pick up a few. 
THE FOOT BUDDY... 
------------------------------------------------------------

--------- Winnipeg retains 'Slurpee capital' title --------

WINNIPEG, Manitoba - The central Canadian city of Winnipeg, 
Manitoba, has been named 7-Eleven's Slurpee capital of the 
world, refuting claims by a town in Washington state. 
Winnipeg has held the title for eight years, but recent 
U.S. media reports claimed Kennewick, in south-central 
Washington's Tri-City area, had taken the honor, the 
Winnipeg Sun reported. Sheila Calder, a 7-Eleven spokes-
woman in Vancouver, British Columbia, said that wasn't 
true of sales of the sweet, slushy frozen drinks. "Winnipeg 
still has the title for the ninth consecutive year," Calder 
said. She said company officials would present the award 
to a city official at a 7-Eleven store Friday, as the date 
is 7/11, the newspaper said. Calder said the international 
Slurpee capital title goes to the urban market area for 
sales of the highest number of "cups on average per store," 
and Kennewick is about 100 cup sales behind Winnipeg, the 
Sun reported. 

------------------------------------------------------------
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SHAPE WALK THREE: Moderate to Fast Pace 4.2 to 4.5 mph
------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world 
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The 
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..  
Bizarre Uncensored

------------------------------------------------------------

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Part of the problem with that whole Oil Conspiracy thing is 
it assumes a zero sum market. That isn't true. The amount 
of money in the world is defined every day by how much work 
we all do. The whole thing of a foreign owned debt makes no 
sense under the efficiency model of wealth. It only makes 
sense if wealth is zero sum. Alaska drilling was banned based 
on environmental concerns. Honestly I doubt that the enviro-
nmental concerns will keep the US from drilling there for 
long. Although if they can last another 10 years no one will 
be using dino oil anymore anyway. The price will have gone 
too high and other energy sources will be switched to. It 
almost happened in the 80s but prices stabilized and people 
went back to gas. -John
[We can only hope. Whether global warming is real or not the 
truth is we cannot continue to poison the planet indefinitely. 
The technology is out there, but like you point out, the ex-
pense for developing it into a universal infrastructure must 
be met, and at $135 per barrel for oil that expense is almost 
becoming worth it.]


Lewis, we here at the office know you ARE Bizarre. -tom
[I'm not bizarre, I'm just fascinated with the bizarre, and 
like to report on it. I'm actually a fairly middle of the 
road guy.]


Lewis, If you really want to know who is responsible for 
high gas prices all you have to do is look to Washington 
D.C.  There are Congressional bans on drilling in ANWR, 
drilling off-shore, developing oil shale resources, building 
new refineries, building nuclear power plants, and even 
(thanks to Ted Kennedy) placing wind generator off-shore. 
 -Russ 
[We all know the government is standing in the way...the 
question is why!]


I'd have to view this Williams with a critical mind and do 
not take him at his word but more than that, if we don't 
do something about the CO2 released in the atmosphere and 
do it now, there probably won't be any reason to drill in 
Alaska or anywhere else. We are in a critical state and 
the future of life on this planet is at stake. Wouldn't 
it be more prudent to make changes which includes severe 
cut backs on burning oil and improving the earth we live 
on? Drilling in Alaska will not help us in any way and will 
only serve to destroy the inhabitants that live there now. 
 -Chris 
[I think a better idea would be to do both. Clean alter-
natives definitely need to be explored, but in the mean 
time technology is available to make internal combustion 
engines much, much cleaner.]


Lewis, you wrote that you have a fantasy where you come 
home and find a strange woman in your bedroom. Is she with 
your wife? -Bette B
[Why? Are you offering?]


Why would a man be carrying around a pasty? The British are 
indeed strange. -Jim.
[I don't think it means the same thing over there as it does 
here...unless Brits like to wear meat pies on their nipples, 
in which case you would be right, they are strange.] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
------------------------------------------------------------
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