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Publication: Bizarre News
What do you do with an idiot...?

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, July 5, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

What do you do with an idiot who makes repeated attempts 
to kill himself in annoying, public ways? Why, give him a 
corporate sponsor, of course. 

Kent Couch will be spending his Fourth of July weekend in 
a lawn chair...a lawn chair suspended several thousand feet 
above the Oregon landscape by hundreds of helium balloons 
as he makes his third attempt to fly from Oregon to some-
where in Idaho in this unconventional fashion. 

Couch is set to launch himself skyward this weekend aboard 
his lawn chair, which will be attached to 150 giant latex 
party balloons filled with helium. 

Couch made his first ascent in 2006, floating for six hours 
before shooting out a few balloons with his pellet gun to 
descend. He apparently shot out too many balloons because 
he had to use his parachute to land. He never found the 
lawn chair.

Last year, he flew 193 miles before running low on helium 
and landing somewhere in eastern Oregon.

With corporate sponsorship this year, he says he's much 
better equipped and hopes to cross the Wallowa Mountains 
in northeastern Oregon and make it to Idaho and beyond. 

He also has a team of volunteers and his wife Susan's 
blessing who, I can only imagine, is hoping to collect 
some kind of fat insurance check at the end of all this. 



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum

All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
Bizarre News coffee mug. Supplies are limited so order yours 
today for just $2.99! Official Bizarre News Mug 


+---------------------- BIZARRE BOOKS ---------------------+
                 Real Books... Unreal Titles!

Teach Yourself Sex; 1951

Teach Yourself Alcoholism; 1975

How To Become a Schizophrenic; 1992

How To Avoid Huge Ships; 1993

How To Abandon Ship; 1942

How To Do It; or, Directions for Knowing or Doing 
Everything Needful; 1864 


--------- Peeping tom victims told to fix blinds ----------

SEATTLE - A Seattle man accused of peering at his young 
female neighbors with binoculars couldn't help it because 
the women's blinds were up, his wife says. Police reported 
the man acknowledged watching the neighbor women through 
their uncovered windows, but the man's wife defended him, 
saying the women left their blinds up and were "putting 
on a show" by walking around naked, the Seattle Times 
reported Wednesday. Officers didn't cite the man and told 
the neighbor women, whose ages were not provided, to get 
their blinds fixed, the newspaper said. The report noted 
that the women said the blinds were broken but that they 
would ask their landlord to make repairs. 

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We've made this 20-Piece set available at a staggering low
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----------- Police: Teen burglar ordered porn -------------

PALM BAY, Fla. - Police in Palm Bay, Fla., have arrested 
a 14-year-old boy who allegedly broke into a home and 
ordered more than $100 worth of porn movies on a TV. 
Officers said the boy was charged with occupied burglary 
and grand theft after he allegedly entered a family's home 
and used its TV account to order about $129 worth of 
pornographic films, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported. 
Police said the family had arrived home from shopping to 
find the alleged perpetrator watching their television. 
The teenager has previously been arrested on felony 
charges, police said. 

---------- Man in underwear chases burglars ------------

WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah - A shotgun-wielding man in West 
Valley City, Utah, chased a pair of burglars from his 
home while wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts, 
police said. Tony Gamonal grabbed a shotgun and gave 
chase when the burglars fled from his home, The Salt 
Lake Tribune reported. Police arrived on the scene and 
Gamonal helped apprehend a suspect while the second 
suspect managed to escape. Gamonal said he didn't realize 
until after the suspect was arrested that he was outside 
in his underwear. "I looked down and said, 'oh man... 
here I am,'" he said. He said this was the second time 
in two weeks that his home had been burglarized. He said 
he intends to protect his home at all times, regardless 
of his attire. "If you can't be safe in your own home, 
where can you be?" Gamonal said. "There was no doubt; 
I was so mad that I would have shot them." 

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cigarette smoke, pet dander, unpleasant odors and more 
that can irritate eyes, nose, throat and cause headaches, 
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Plus this model is energy efficient and cleans the air 
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a permanent filter which is easy to clean and never has 
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- Energy efficient      - No need to replace filters 
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See a picture or order this MUST HAVE item for your home. 

--------- Oregon woman scuffles with black bear ----------

PORTLAND, Ore. - An Oregon woman suffered minor injuries 
following an altercation with a black bear that was eating 
sunflower seeds on her porch. Dora Sue, 58, of Sandy, said 
the bear charged after she yelled at it to stop eating the 
seeds she was storing in an aluminum garbage can, KGW-TV, 
Portland, reports. Police say the bear swiped at Sue 
injuring her arm, foot and thigh before running off. She 
was treated at a hospital for scratches and a puncture 
wound. "I'm not a screamer but I screamed and I made a lot 
of noise," Sue told the station. Employees of the Oregon 
Department of Fish & Wildlife were called in to place a 
bear trap in the area near the woman's home. 

Electronically Counts EVERY Coin You Deposit...

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This incredible Money Machine electronically counts every 
coin as you deposit them. Displays a running total of your 
savings so you'll know exactly how much you have. 

A fun and educational way to teach children how to count 
and save. Top twists off for easy access and re-sets to 
zero to start all over again. Takes 2 AA batteries (not 
included). To see a picture, get more info or order, visit: 

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world 
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The 
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..  
Bizarre Uncensored


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis.  You gotta Love this article from the Appleton Post 
Cresent in Appleton, WI. "Police early today arrested a man 
drenched in barbecue sauce after being called to a home for 
a burglary in progress. The couple living there heard 
whistling coming from their basement. The man armed himself 
with a shotgun and went to the basement stairs. The burglar 
left the basement and put his hands up upon seeing the fire-
arm. The burglar said he entered the home because he was on 
the run from the government, according to police. The barbe-
cue sauce, he said, was an 'urban disguise.'" 
[Odd...yes. But I think to be truly bizarre the intruder 
would had to have covered himself in honey-mustard sauce, 
or maybe Thousand Island dressing...that would be bizarre!]

Hey I thought you've been around a few years and you don't 
know the legal name for a cat house or a hoarhouse??? You 
must have lead a shallow protected life! -Frank in Vernon, 
[A hoarhouse? As in gray or white in color?]

Lewis, You can add this email to the 4 million you have 
already received---a bawdy house is a whore house... Don
[Are you sure it's not a hoarhouse? There seems to be a 
difference of opinion here.]

Hey Lewis, Here is a story I think you'll appreciate. Last 
weekend at a Nephew's wedding, one of the groomsmen got a 
little drunk and couldn't find his car when he got out of 
a bar (this was already after the wedding party). He 
reported it stolen...then he discovered it in front of 
another drinking establishment a few blocks away.  Well, 
he neglected to call the cops back.  Of course the police 
did their job and arrested him thinking he was the car 
thief... at least he was cleared of that charge.  But now 
he has the drunk driving charge to worry about. -Dan 

I take exception to your classifying a feast day of my 
church to be a "bizarre holiday." I would prefer that you 
not make fun of ANY religion's holidays. -Jeff
[No, No, you misunderstood. That was the virgin Mary Delany. 
She was my high school girlfriend and absolutely refused to 
give it up for over a year. When she finally did lose her 
virginity to me I considered it something of a holiday.] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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