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The Lesson Here Is...

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, April 30, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
Bizarre News coffee mug. Supplies are limited so order yours 
today for just $2.99! Official Bizarre News Mug 
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A 47-year-old Texas man learned the hard way recently that 
you probably shouldn't take a concealed gun with you to 
work. 

Lake Worth Police Chief Brett McGuire said an employee of 
a local insurance firm who thought it was a good idea to 
tote a gun to work was shot in both legs when his weapon 
accidentally discharged. 

The police chief said the accident was likely not the 
result of a planned attack by the self-wounded employee. 

"He was not under any sort of disciplinary problems. There 
was nothing that was coming down from management or anything 
that would indicate he was facing any disciplinary charges, 
and he got along well with his co-workers," McGuire said. 
"We have no indication that there was anything other than a 
negligent discharge on his part." 

Local news said that in addition to suffering the self-in-
flicted wounds, the unidentified employee now faces charges 
for unlawfully carrying a weapon.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here... 
Bizarre News Forum

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+------------------- Bizarre Holidays --------------------+
                           MAY

May 1 is Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day

May 2 is Fire Day

May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day

May 4 is National Candied Orange Peel Day

May 5 is National Hoagie Day

May 6 is Beverage Day 

For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News.com

p.s. The rest of the Bizarre Holidays for the month of 
     May will be put up soon. Please Be Patient. Thanks.

                             ***

-------- Man found drunk in port-a-potty arrested ----------

CINCINNATI - Cincinnati police said they arrested a man 
who was found passed out in a port-a-potty after he was 
repeatedly warned for public drunkenness. Police said Gil 
Duff, 45, was arrested early Monday morning after he was 
found sleeping in the same portable lavatory in Bechtold 
Park that an officer discovered him sleeping in -- with 
a beer by his side -- six days earlier, The Cincinnati 
Enquirer reported. The arrest report from Monday said Duff 
was "found passed out and extremely intoxicated." It said 
he had been warned "countless times" to stop visiting the 
park while drunk, the Enquirer said. Duff was charged with 
disorderly conduct while intoxicated. 

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----------- Windsor mulls downtown vomit ban -----------

WINDSOR, Ontario - A proposed "anti-fouling" by-law aimed 
at cleaning up the Canadian border city of Windsor, Ontario, 
would make vomiting in public a fineable offense. Across 
the St. Clair River from Detroit, Windsor city councilors 
have been grappling with numerous late-night issues, and 
the no-fouling proposal is the latest effort to burnish 
the downtown core's reputation, the Windsor Star reported. 
Apart from public vomiting, the proposed measure would make 
public urination and littering fineable offenses, as well, 
the newspaper said. In line with those, it would also 
require street hotdog vendors to close up at 2 a.m., and 
require all after-hours clubs to shut down by 3 a.m., the 
Star said. Remo Agostino, owner of The Boom Boom Room 
nightclub, told the newspaper he doesn't think the city 
can legislate human digestion. "How are you going to stop 
someone from throwing up?" he said. "It doesn't make any 
sense." 


--------- Broccoli thief frustrates garden owner -----------

KING'S SOMBORNE, England - A King's Somborne, England, man 
says a thief has repeatedly entered his vegetable garden 
and each time took one head of broccoli. Frank Fahy, 71, 
said that although the broccoli heads are only worth about 
$1 apiece, the thefts are adding up, the Daily Mail report-
ed Monday. "The net had been carefully cut over the broccoli 
and the heads taken," he said. "Each time one head was 
taken. They are each worth about 50p (99 cents). It is a 
bit distressing." Fahy told the Daily Mail he initially 
thought the disappearing vegetables were the work of a 
rabbit or other small animal but an examination of 
protective netting over the broccoli revealed it had been 
cut with a knife. "It sounds trivial but Frank has been 
the victim of theft," Parish council chairman David Bidwell 
said to the newspaper. "It is very disappointing to grow 
something on an allotment and have it taken away. "At first 
he thought it might be a natural occurrence -- maybe a 
rabbit. But on closer inspection, it was clear a knife had 
been used. And rabbits don't carry knives." Police said 
they are investigating the matter as a case of theft. 

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---------- Non-driver, 73, gets $3,100 toll fine -----------

OAK FOREST, Ill. - A 73-year-old man who quit driving three 
years ago said he was afraid when he received a bill for 
$3,106 from the Illinois State Toll Highway Authority. Oak 
Forest resident Michael Healy, who has an injured hip, lung 
cancer and colon problems, is among at least 600,000 people 
to receive bills from the tollway authority in the past few 
months, the Chicago Southtownstar reported Monday. "They 
scared the hell out of me," Healy said. Healy's son Jim 
said he was driving the car when it blew past 150 tolls, 
the report said. The tollway authority has been trying to 
collect on fines for drivers who failed to pay tolls since 
2006. Chicago attorney Daniel Edelman filed a class-action 
suit seeking to clear 600,000 citations mailed out by the 
authority. Edelman argues the drivers were billed in an 
untimely manner and received unfair treatment when they 
ran into busy signals trying to contact tollway authorities.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world 
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The 
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..  
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, check out Ed Wallace - a very respected writer in the 
Automotive world, has written about the fallacies in using 
corn, soy, etc. as well as the 'shortage' of gasoline (there 
aint one)... corky
[It is hard to say about oil shortages. In a great number 
of countries that have oil-producing potential reliable geo-
logical surveys have never been done. So who knows? And while 
there was the recent large discovery in the Gulf, it will be 
extremely expensive to exploit. All the while vast population 
centers like India and China are demanding more and more oil 
daily subtracting from the over-all supply. But I would agree 
that there is still room for production expansion. And with 
profits in the billions of dollars for one quarter the incen-
tive is definitely there!]


For the reader who said Scotch wouldn't like being English. 
I do know the Scots do not like to be called English and 
have a particular name they call them. BUT, I never knew 
liquor had any preferences.
[I can sympathize. I know Canadians and Americans don't like 
to be confused.]


Heyas Lewis! Just wanted to say keep up the great work.   
Actually, that and to say I just celebrated my Golden birth-
day yesterday! I turned 28 on the 28th. Keep up the awesome 
work! --Kirsten 
[It is my opinion that I can never have enough perky 28-
year-old women on my list.]


Lewis, do you live in the Denver area? I've been using your 
service for a couple years, keep up the good work! --Rick 
[No I don't, but I've been there several times. Beautiful 
city, and lots of fun, too. Is the Wynkoop still there? I 
remember they had a wonderful asiago cheese dip that I just 
fell in love with.]


Hey Lewis, love your column. But if you think that your 
rights aren't being taken away one by one, you really 
should seek help. Read up on NAFTA-CAFTA-and FTAA and get 
back with me when you realize you've been screwed by the 
government machine. --Tim 
[Oh, I have no illusions that I'm not getting screwed. The 
question is, how to get into a position to be the screwer 
instead of the screwee.] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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