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Publication: Bizarre News
Talk About Guts

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, June 18, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Now this story is bizarre but inspiring at the same time. 
A quadriplegic woman in Britain is embarking on a record-
breaking attempt to sail solo around Britain using just 
her breath to navigate a 20-foot sailboat. 

You want to talk about guts. I have been on sailboats 
before and they are difficult and capricious when you have 
a full compliment of functional limbs to handle them with. 
To do it when you can move nothing but your head is just 

But to read this woman talk about it she is fearless and 

Hilary Lister, 36, who is only able to move her head, eyes 
and mouth, will spend the next three months sailing round 
the British Isles in a specially adapted boat she controls 
using a 'sip-and-puff' system of straws. 

At home in Canterbury, Kent, she can only do the simplest 
of tasks by using her forehead to push levers on a machine 
which changes the channel on the television or answers the 

But thanks to high-tech adaptations to her Artemis 20 boat, 
she has become the first quadriplegic to sail across the 
English Channel and the first female quadriplegic to solo 
circumnavigate the Isle of Wight. Her previous record-
breaking achievements will pale in comparison to the latest 
challenge, which will see her encounter some of the trickiest 
sailing conditions in the world. 

Her outlook on life changed dramatically when she discovered 
sailing, and realized she did not have to sit staring out of 
the window, but could experience the exhilaration of riding 
the crest of a wave. 

"It is the ultimate freedom for me," she said. "I get out on 
to the water and suddenly my physical inabilities no longer 

Good luck Hilary. 



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
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+---------------- Bizarre Court Statements ----------------+

"I object to your calling me a person, your honor." 
[Rodney Skurdal in 1996 when asked by a federal magistrate 
if he had the right person before him.]

"What are you talking about, some 'witness,' man, There 
was only me and her in the store." 
[Blurted out by a defendant in objection to testimony by 
a police officer who accidentally used the term "witness" 
instead of victim.]

"I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most 
pleasurable habits I've had. 
[Steven L. Johnson explaining his situation to the judge 
who had sentenced him to two years in prison.]

"I sued for $2,500 and the judge gave me $837.29. I don't 
think he realizes how much a girl's hair means to her. 
[Lauryl Boyer on the award she received for a bad perm.] 


----------- Town holds election, no one votes -------------

PILLSBURY, N.D. - Officials in Pillsbury, N.D., said 
none of the approximately 25 village residents showed 
up to vote in a recent election. Pillsbury Mayor Darrel 
Brudevold, who ran unopposed in last week's election, 
said all of the community's residents were too busy with 
work to vote, KFYR-TV, Bismark, N.D., reported Monday. 
The Barnes County auditor said the no-show election means 
all of the incumbent officers, including the mayor and 
his alderwoman wife, Ruth, will be allowed to keep their 
jobs or appoint their own replacements until the next 

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----------- Women damage homes using Wii Fit -------------

LONDON - British women who use the Nintendo Wii Fit video 
game to work out have caused a total of nearly $40 million 
in destruction to their homes, research indicates. Women 
have accidentally kicked over televisions, furniture and 
pets while exercising in the privacy of their living rooms 
with the Wii, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. About 
a fifth of women said they have accidentally knocked into 
objects in their living rooms or hurt themselves while 
using the Wii, a study by women's insurance company 
Sheila's Wheels revealed. Home damages are expected to 
continue as the popularity of the Wii Fit increases 
throughout Britain, the report said. Of the 1,000 women 
surveyed, 86 percent said they either already have a Wii 
Fit, or are preparing to buy one in the near future. 

----------- Man rides to wedding atop elephant ------------

WASHINGTON - A groom who rode into his downtown Washington 
wedding on a 7,000-pound Asian elephant said the entrance 
fulfilled a lifelong dream. Manan Shah, 28, arrived at 
the ceremony outside the Ronald Reagan Building and Inter-
national Trade Center atop Minnie, a 35-year-old pachyderm 
owned by Bill Commerford of Goshen, Conn., The Washington 
Post reported. "You know how girls want the dream wedding," 
said Shah's sister, Mansi Shah. "His dream was the 
elephant." The groom, who wed Swati Raval, 24, at the 
ceremony, said his favorite movie as a child had been 
"Haathi Mere Saathi," which revolves around a young boy 
who befriends elephants. Commerford said the elephant is 
no stranger to attention -- she has previously appeared 
in commercials for AT&T and Kohl's department store as 
well as a print ad for Abercrombie & Fitch. 


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--------- Dentist allegedly seeks sexual favors ----------

GENOA, Italy - Italian officials say they are on the look-
out for a dentist who allegedly posted an Internet ad 
offering women dental work for sexual favors. "Dentist, 
40, offers free dental care of the highest order to 
attractive and laid-back single or married women who know 
how to make the most of their qualities," the ad reads. 
A journalist said she covertly filmed a meeting with the 
frisky dentist, ANSA reported Monday. Enrico Bartolini of 
the Genoa medical guild said he planned to call on the 
newspaper to help find the suspect so he can be disbarred. 
He said the incident comes after several recent scandals l
inked to the country's medical profession. "I will move 
cautiously but I will get to the bottom of this unsavory 
affair, which puts the medical profession in a bad light 
at a time when it is already under fire," Bartolini said. 

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Couple apologizes for having sex in church Why don't we 
ever hear about something like this happening after an 
evening at the opera, or a night out square-dancing?! 
Surely it must be the devil's music!  Thanks for another 
great issue of BN! -Jamie
[People screwing in the cloakroom of an opera house 
usually have the good taste to cover it up and keep it 
to themselves.]

I think it is a case of misdirected blame for the child 
who ended up wandering into baggage at the airport.  Local 
'officials' should be more interested in the inattentive 
parents and less interested in the airport security people. 
My mother would have destroyed my tiny little life if I 
ever got away from her like that, and rightly so.  We are 
always looking for others to blame so we don't have to 
blame ourselves, regardless of where the fault lies. 
[Well, don't try to blame me.]

Whenever I read any of the bizarre laws, I wonder, was there 
a great problem that prompted the legislators of the time to 
come up with these laws?  I know that we elect legislators 
to MAKE laws, but shouldn't their job include REPEALING laws 
also?  Some laws are outdated and downright ridiculous, and 
need to be taken off the books. -Karen
[What? You don't think protesting naked in front of city 
hall is a right we should protect?]

Lewis: This happened in Naples Fl. last year. A guy stole a 
tractor with a bucket from a construction site and went to 
a nearby bank where he used it to break down the outside wall 
and steal an ATM. Cops caught him a few blocks away with the 
ATM in the bucket and wires dragging on the ground. -Bill 
[That's surprising...with him being so discreet and all.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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