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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, May 17, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Have you seen the new show called "Are you smarter than a 
5th grader?" I was reading about it online and looked up a 
sample quiz to annoy you with. I listed the answers for you 
below. 

1. What is the fastest bird on foot? 

A. Flamingo 
B. Penguin 
C. Emu 
D. Ostrich 
E. Turkey 


2. What planet is closest to the sun? 

A. Venus 
B. Earth 
C. Mercury 
D. Mars 
E. Jupiter 


3. Which of the following is NOT one of the Great Lakes? 

A. Alberta 
B. Huron 
C. Michigan 
D. Ontario 
E. Superior 


4. A heptagon is a shape with how many sides? 

A. 4 
B. 6 
C. 7 
D. 8 
E. 9 


5. How long is one regular term for a U.S. Representative? 

A. 1 year 
B. 2 years 
C. 3 years 
D. 4 years 
E. 6 years 


6. What is the compound word in this sentence? -- The bus 
driver took an alternate route to the airport. 

A. Driver 
B. Alternate 
C. Route 
D. Airport 


7. Which of the following states is NOT on the Gulf of 
Mexico? 

A. Georgia 
B. Texas 
C. Florida 
D. Alabama 
E. Louisiana 


8. What is the lowest prime number? 

A. 0 
B. 1 
C. 2 
D. 3 
E. 5 


9. On what continent is the chimpanzee's natural habitat? 

A. South America 
B. Asia 
C. Africa 
D. Australia 


10. What is the largest South American country by area? 

A. Argentina 
B. Brazil 
C. Chile 
D. Mexico 
E. Peru 


11. Which one of the following states is NOT part of the 
Four Corners? 

A. New Mexico 
B. Utah 
C. Colorado 
D. Nevada 
E. Arizona 


12. Who was the first person to step foot on the moon? 

A. Neil Armstrong 
B. Edwin 'Buzz' Aldrin 
C. John Glenn 
D. Sally Ride 
E. Alan Shepard 

Bizarrely, 

Lewis 

P.S. I got a 79 percent. 

You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum

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+---------------- 5th Grader Quiz Answers -----------------+ 

1. What is the fastest bird on foot? 
Answer: Ostrich 


2. What planet is closest to the sun? 
Answer: Mercury 


3. Which of the following is NOT one of the Great Lakes? 
Answer: Alberta 


4. A heptagon is a shape with how many sides? 
Answer: 7 


5. How long is one regular term for a U.S. Representative? 
Answer: 2 years 


6. What is the compound word in this sentence? -- The bus 
driver took an alternate route to the airport. 
Answer: Airport 


7. Which of the following states is NOT on the Gulf of 
Mexico? 
Answer: Georgia 


8. What is the lowest prime number? 
Answer: 2 


9. On what continent is the chimpanzee's natural habitat? 
Answer: Africa 


10. What is the largest South American country by area? 
Answer: Brazil 


11. Which one of the following states is NOT part of the 
Four Corners? 
Answer: Nevada 


12. Who was the first person to step foot on the moon? 
Answer: Neil Armstrong 

                             ***

--------- 'Darth Vader' spared jail after attack ----------

HOLYHEAD, Wales - A Welsh judge has spared a man who 
dressed as "Star Wars" villain Darth Vader and attacked 
two fans of the iconic film series a stay in jail. Arwel 
Wynne Hughes, 27, was sentenced to two months in jail, 
suspended for a year, after his lawyer told the court he 
is an alcoholic who does not remember the incident and 
is undergoing treatment for his addiction, Sky News 
reported. Hughes donned a black cape and a black trash bag 
before attacking Barney Jones, founder of the first British 
Jedi church, and his cousin while they were filming them-
selves battling with lightsabers in Jones' yard. Hughes 
struck Jones with a metal crutch and punched the other 
man in the thigh. The defendant's lawyer, Frances Jones, 
told the court his client had no recollection of the 
incident because of his alcohol addiction. "He is very 
sorry for coming before the courts," the lawyer said. "He 
knows his behavior was wrong and didn't want it to happen 
but he has no recollection of it." Hughes was also ordered 
to pay $200 to each of his victims. 

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---------- Farmer: Vandals spray-painted goats ------------

CLEARFIELD, Pa. - A Clearfield County, Pa., farmer said
vandals snuck onto his property under cover of night and
spray-painted obscenities on three of his goats. Evan
Bellin said the crime, which took place during the weekend,
could set him back hundreds of dollars as the goats' wool
is used to make cashmere and the paint could take months
to grow out, WPXI-TV, Pittsburgh, reported Thursday. "It's
really bad to think they would do that to innocent animals.
I mean if they have a problem with me, to come to me. I
mean, I have all of my vehicles up here and they didn't
touch anything," Bellin said. He said he plans to keep
the goats closer to his house for the foreseeable future.


----------- N.C. judge drops cursing case -------------

DURHAM, N.C. - A Durham, N.C., judge has dismissed a case 
against a 72-year-old man cited under a city code barring 
use of profanity in public. Edward Laskody had planned to 
fight the law, which was enacted in 1964, but Judge James 
Hill dismissed the case after a key witness -- the state 
Alcohol Law Enforcement officer who issued the citation -- 
was running late for court, The (Raleigh, N.C.) News & 
Observer reported. Laskody said he used profanity outside 
of Cinelli's Pizzeria and Restaurant after law enforcement 
officers told him he could be cited for cursing. "I didn't 
even use the F-word," he said. He said he was outside the 
pizzeria to protest his alleged "rude" treatment at the 
hands of store employees, who said he was far from a model 
customer. "He's a nasty old man," Gaitano Cinelli, the 
restaurant owner, said Wednesday. "He was making sexually 
explicit remarks to my waitresses and to the patrons." 

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----------- Man puts wife for sale on eBay -------------

LONDON - A British man who said he believed his wife was
cheating is under investigation for harassment after he
put her up for sale on eBay. Paul Osborn, 44, said he had
heard rumors that his wife of 24 years, Sharon, was having
an affair with a man at work, The Sun reported Thursday.
"I started checking her emails and I realized the rumors
were true," he said. "They had been discussing their sex
life together and making plans for the future. I was
absolutely destroyed. I gathered all her stuff in bags
and dumped it in the drive." Osborn told The Sun he
initially agreed to take his wife back but decided more
drastic measures were needed after he again became
suspicious. He created an eBay auction offering his
"cheating, lying, adulterous slag of a wife" to the
highest bidder. Bids reached more than $1 million. Sharon
Osborn denies cheating on her husband and has filed a
police complaint against him for harassment, the newspaper
report said.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E.. 
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

regarding the naked office...I can bring in 2 cups of coffee 
and a dozen donuts.


Yours would fit through a key ring?! -Wendy
[I have a lot of keys.]


Lewis, what do the letters "MILF" stand for? 
[If you're asking me, they stand for "Maybe I'll Lie down For-
awhile."]


Sorry to quibble, but... while interesting, don't you think 
it's a bit of a stretch to list the popularity of "White 
Christmas" as a religious fact? -Cathy
[It would be more of a stretch if it was called, "White 
December 25th"]


Here's another one for your list of bizarre management quotes. 
A man for whom I worked a long time ago called all of us 
employee's together and he actually said: "The harder you all 
work, the easier it is for me to maintain my standard of 
living." He was dead serious and I think he thought he was 
giving us a pep talk.  --Loona
[Whatever you want to say about him you can't call him a liar.] 


Because you've ignored my emails to you and don't publish 
any of my comments (makes me wonder if you even bother to 
read them), I find I've lost interest in you and you adver-
tising.  Oh well. -Margee 
[Since Margee is no longer here to read this let's all make 
fun of her!] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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