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Publication: Bizarre News
Old-Fashioned Values

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, June 21, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You don't see these old-fashioned values much any more. There 
is a big hoopla in Mount Vernon, Ohio about a public school 
teacher who preached his Christian beliefs despite complaints 
by other teachers and administrators. 

Mount Vernon Middle School teacher John Freshwater also taught 
creationism in his science class and was insubordinate in 
failing to remove a Bible and other religious materials from 
his classroom.

But it wasn't enough that he tried to burn the fear of God 
into their little heathen souls, he wanted to burn it into 
their flesh, too. 

Freshwater used a science tool known as a high-frequency 
generator to burn images of a cross on students' arms in 
December. Freshwater told investigators he simply was trying 
to demonstrate the device on several students and described 
the images as an "X," not a cross. But pictures show the 
images depict a cross.

A friend of Freshwater defended him, saying, "With the ex-
ception of the cross-burning episode... I believe John 
Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount 
Vernon school district." 

Let's not let a little human branding get in the way of a 
good educational experience. 

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
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+------------------ Bizarre Motorists -------------------+
  
Former traffic policeman William Alexander set out to drive 
the 15 miles from Hereford to Ross-on-Wye in 1996. He and 
his wife were found confused 36 hours later, after a 1,000 
mile drive, going the wrong way down the MI near Barnsley.

In 1994, a nun who said she was rushing an injured dog to 
the vet was fined for reckless driving after refusing to 
stop for armed police in New York State.

Leroy Linen, a scrap-metal dealer from the Bronx, was 
banned from driving 633 times between 1990 and 1994.

Assuming she had failed after hitting the curb during her 
1995 test at Lowestoft, Tcheeka Johnson punched the exam-
iner on the leg, screeched to a halt and pushed her out 
of the passenger door.

Trying to test his oil level manually, a Wakefield motor-
cyclist got his finger stuck in the oil tank and had to 
summon the fire brigade to release him.

                             ***

---------- Russian monument celebrates enemas ------------

ZHELEZNOVODSK, Russia - A health center in Zheleznovodsk, 
Russia, has unveiled what is believed to be the world's 
first monument celebrating enema treatments. Workers at 
the Mashuk Akva-Term Sanatorium said the monument, which 
depicts an 800-pound bronze syringe bulb being carried on 
the backs of three angels, was planned because the health 
center carries out hundreds of the procedures every day, 
The Sun reported Thursday. "As gastroenterology is the 
main treatment area at the Zheleznovodsk spa center, it 
was decided to create such a unique monument, which is 
both funny and vital," said Alexander Kharchenko, director 
of the medical center. 

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----------- Family forced out of home by skunks ------------

SHEFFIELD LAKE, Ohio - An Ohio woman said she is having 
a nervous breakdown after her family was forced out of 
its home by four skunks living under the floors. Karen 
McCullough, her husband and teenage son have spent a month 
living in a crowded rental home with their two dogs, two 
cats and a bird while workers repair the floors in their 
house, The Plain Dealer newspaper in Cleveland reported 
Thursday. "I've cried a few times. Inside, I'm having a 
nervous breakdown," she told The Plain Dealer. Contractors 
haven't said when the McCulloughs will be able to go home. 
The family said the skunks sprayed after their dogs began 
barking at noises under the floors in November. The skunks 
have been removed but the McCulloughs are stuck waiting in 
their rental home until contractors finish repairs, the 
newspaper said. 


----------- Hiccup spell stops after 65 days -------------

OMAHA - An Omaha, Neb., woman said her 11-year-old 
daughter's chronic hiccups stopped abruptly after 65 days.
Dawn Swanger said doctors told her there was nothing 
physically wrong with her daughter, Ericka, and the family 
tried all manner of home remedies for the condition, 
including drinking water through a towel while upside-down 
and using a drinking device called a "Hic-cup," KETV, 
Omaha, Neb., reported Thursday. "It started April 1," 
Ericka said. "We were in English class at school, and it 
was no big deal. Then, a couple weeks later, we started 
getting worried. They hurt, but not that much anymore. I 
got used to the pain." Dawn Swanger said her daughter's 
hiccups stopped mysteriously on the day she was to have 
visited hypnotist Jeanette Laitner, who hypothesized the 
condition was being caused by the girl's subconscious.
"It might have started out physically, but it ends up 
being subconscious," Laitner said. 

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--------- 91-year-old square dance caller thrives ----------

ROXBURY, Conn. - A 91-year-old Connecticut man said he must 
be "doing something right" to still be healthy and calling 
square-dances after 62 years on the job. When people ask 
Culver Griffin, of Roxbury, Conn., how he has lived to be 
91, he said he simply tells them "I haven't died yet." "But 
beyond that, I've been dancing for 75 years, and I have my 
own knees and my own hips and most of my friends who are 
60-year-olds have metal hips, so I guess I'm doing some-
thing right," he said. Griffin, who has survived two 
angioplasties and two heart attacks, began square dancing 
when he was 18 and has been calling the dances since 1946, 
The New York Times reported Thursday. Griffin said his 
57-year-old wife and good genetics help keep him young. 
He still calls dances every Friday at a senior living 
facility in Bethel, Conn. 

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------------------------------------------------------------

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I used to work on a Psych floor at a hospital. You would be 
surprised how strong a crazy person can be. It sometimes 
took 4 male Psych Techs to restrain a small female bipolar 
patient when she got going. Never underestimate the damage 
a single person can do. -Chris 
[Yeah, I've dated women like that before.]


Well, if the quadriplegic woman falls in the water and gets 
eaten by sharks, at least she won't feel anything until they 
reach her head. -Angie the Aggie
[Sick. Just sick.]


Karen's comment resonates with something I've thought for 
quite somme time, and will be the foundation of my campaign 
for President: I will push for a Constitutional Amendment 
that "sunsets" every law on the books within a maximum of 
4 years from enactment. This will keep Government busy re-
newing those laws that are important, and those that aren't, 
well, will apply only during the "crises" that created them.
It will also play havoc with the lawyers, arguing frivolous 
actions based on precedents themselves based on expired laws.
Would be fun to watch - eh? -Bob
[Oh, that would really streamline our Federal legislature. 
Good thinking.]


When my friends had sex in the confessional booth at the 
opera, the music was so loud nobody heard them. -Jim
[There are confessionals at operas?] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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