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Publication: Bizarre News
Now That's Dedication

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, April 5, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
Bizarre News coffee mug. Supplies are limited so order yours 
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A couple years ago my wife insisted that we buy a dog. I was 
never much of a dog lover, but she always wanted one, and 
with all of the boys either in high school or college she 
felt she had the time for it. Well, I am not too embarrassed 
to say that while the dog is hers in name, it belongs to me 
in every other respect. I feed him, I walk him and that 
little guy loves more than anything in the world, with the 
possible exception of bacon. 

It is because of this that I can understand the actions of a 
Minneapolis woman who bit a pit bull on the nose to get the 
dog to release the grip it had on the throat of her Labrador 

Amy Rice said she tried to pry the jaws of the female pit 
bull apart to free her dog, Ella, but she was forced to re-
sort to more drastic measures when the large dog refused to 

"I ended up biting the pit bull on the nose," she said. "I 
didn't plan it, that's what happened. I broke the skin and 
had pit bull blood in my mouth. I knew what happened and I 
knew that it wasn't good."

Rice said Ella has been afraid to go for walks since the 
confrontation. She said the Labrador was given several 
staples and stitches to her head and suffers from a crushed 
ear canal as a result of the attack.

Now that's dedication. 



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here... 
Bizarre News Forum


+------------------- Bizarre Criminals -------------------+ 
In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van 
thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it 
was carrying potato chips instead. 

In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in 
his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny dye 
capsule exploded, blowing a hold in his trousers. 

In 1998, a would be Texas grocery store robber tried to 
disguise his face with a balaclava, however, he failed to 
remove a laminated badge which bore his name, place of 
employment and position from his breast pocket. 

Police had no difficulty catching a man who stole a barge 
on the River Thames in 1972. There was a dock strike on 
that day and his was the only craft moving. 

The defense attorney for Tyrone Jerrols of Houston, Texas, 
who was facing charges of murder, filed a motion to prevent 
the use of Jerrol's nickname, claiming it would prejudice 
the jury. Jerrol's nickname is "Hitman."


------- Missing turtle found at construction site --------

FORT WORTH, Texas - A turtle that was missing for at least 
six months from a Fort Worth, Texas, museum appeared this 
week on a construction site, a curator at the museum said. 
The 15-pound, 5-year-old snapping turtle, Bob, was found 
in good health, despite his more slender physique, the 
Fort Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram reported. Bob was noticed 
to be missing Sept. 15, when the Fort Worth Museum of 
Science and History evacuated a building for renovations, 
said Leishawn Spotted Bear, assistant museum curator of 
science. Bob's old home, a pond outside the museum, has 
been torn down and the location for the new building has 
been completely unearthed two times, said Steve Anderson, 
director of public affairs for the museum. "He has somehow 
managed to survive under the earth. We don't know why he 
emerged today, perhaps because of the recent rain," 
Anderson told the newspaper. The remodeled museum is set 
to open in fall 2009. 

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--------- Florida college opens up world of beer ----------

NORTH MIAMI, Fla. - Having a brew in class may be one of 
the attractions of a brewing class at Florida International 
University, but students also learn a craft, the teacher 
says. Barry Gump, an analytical chemist and expert on wine, 
teaches the class in the School of Hospitality Management, 
The Miami Herald reported. "I want my students to under-
stand what goes into craft brewing and craft beer," Gump 
said. "There's nothing wrong with common commercial beer, 
but craft beer is more flavorful and has more texture." 
Even if students do not use their knowledge professionally, 
beer brewing and tasting can be a lifelong hobby, he said. 
Students must be 21 and agree to be serious about beer. 
Under an informal rule, they start the class with a glass 
of beer, a different one each time. The class appears to 
create a new respect for beer. Hailey Burke-Morgan, who 
hopes to work for a liquor distributor when she graduates, 
says that her taste in beer "has escalated beyond belief." 
Paul Chin, a student from Jamaica, who said he signed up 
because he loves beer, now wants to start his own micro-
brewery in Jamaica. 

-------- Tycoon dressed as gladiator hit with DUI ---------

LONDON - A drunken British clothing tycoon faces possible 
jail time after crashing his Mercedes into a tree and 
fleeing the scene, police said. William Bianchi, 38, wasn't 
hard to find. He was dressed as a Roman gladiator with 
black body paint and singed hair from his burning car, 
police said. A police officer said he looked like Wyle E. 
Coyote of the Road Runner cartoons -- who often had plans 
to do in the Road Runner blow up in his face. Bianchi had 
been attending his daughter's fancy dress party. Police 
found him at a London hospital, chatting with a friend 
dressed as Superman. He was found guilty of drunken driving 
and several other charges and will be sentenced April 16. 

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---------- Wanted: Drinking buddy, $14 an hour -----------

WINSOR, England - An 88-year-old man is offering $14 an 
hour for an unusual twice-a-week job -- drinking buddy at 
a Winsor, England, pub. Jack Hammond, 88, said he recently 
moved to Forest Edge Care Home in the town of Cadnam to be 
closer to his family, but the relocation put several miles 
between him and his former drinking buddy, The Times of 
London reported Thursday. "It was a bit upsetting when I 
had to leave as I left all my friends back home," he said. 
Hammond's son, Mike, said social services gave him the idea 
to offer a paid position after it was unable to find him 
a suitable companion for trips to the Compass Inn. The 
elderly man said he seeking someone to accompany him to 
the bar at least twice a week. He said he is looking for 
someone who is "not too bombastic and enjoys a nice pint." 
Mike Hammond said four men have applied for the position 
thus far. He said being paid to drink beer and chat with 
his father is "a very attractive proposition." "It's got 
to be the best job in the world," he said. 

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Myron, I don't want my neighbor to protect me with a gun, 
so I guess we're in agreement.  I would actually prefer my 
neighbor NOT to have a gun.  Getting shot/killed by a gun 
is better than killing someone else. Am I the only person 
who sees the truth to this? Loose your fear. -Doug
[I guess somebody has to be a victim. It is just not going 
to be me.]

Not being able to fish with canned corn is not a bizarre 
law.  It's probably a law in my state as well.  Fish love 
it but it plugs them up & eventually kills them.  We don't 
like constipated fish here in Washington and I'm sure our 
neighbors in Oregon feel the same way. -Dirty Di
[Odd, creamed corn has the exact opposite effect on me.]

I always find it funny when people who have never used a 
gun advocate gun removal. We already have gun control. Why 
don't we start car removal? Generally people kill far more 
people with cars by driving badly. Why don't we just ban 
them? After all cars have been used for murder weapons. 
[There was a bizarre story right here in Chicago recently. 
Some high school kids shot each other dead and a bunch of 
the parents and other members of the community marched on 
city hall demanding more gun control. The bizarre part 
is that it is already illegal to have guns in the city of 
Chicago. There is no more control than that. But kids still 
get hold of them because they are criminals, and criminals 
will always have the guns whether it is legal for the 
citizenry to be armed or not.]

I'm sick of the Hillary/Obama thing. How about Chadwick/TZ 
in '08. A chicken in every pot, and a dick in every hand. 
[Lord, you want to talk about sex scandals in politics.]

Lewis, in response to the reader comment about the Chadwick 
Liberation Front...where do I sign up? I loved "Up Yours!" 
and it was sad to see it go. Perhaps the CLF will be able 
to find out where he went and if he is still publishing his 
valuable insights? :) -Shelly from Germany
[Chadwick is into German chicks. Do you want me to give him 
your address?] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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