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Publication: Bizarre News
It's A Twister!

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, June 11, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

We had some bizarre weather here in the Chicago area 
recently. We actually had a tornado touch down right here 
in the suburbs. It closed down Interstate 57 for a while, 
and it is still down to only one lane. But amid the stories 
of destruction comes one near miracle. 

When the tornado swept through Richton Park on Saturday, a 
big rottweiler named Chase was hanging out the backyard of 
Sandra Holmes' house. Before she could get him inside the 
tornado literally plucked Chase right out of her yard. 

Eyewitnesses actually saw the Wizard of Oz impression. 

"People started coming up and saying, 'We saw your dog in 
flight,'" said Chase's owner. 

Neighbor Tatyiana Smith saw it. "The dog was in the air, 
he was going around like he was pulled out of the ground," 
Smith said. 

Luckily, Chase didn't get whisked away to the magical land 
of Oz. Instead, residents found him more than a block away 
in the woods, dazed and shocked, but alive. 

"It's a miracle," Holmes said. "It's a blessing from God."



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
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+-------------------- Bizarre Language --------------------+

The word "bozo" derives from the French slang term 
"bouseaux" (meaning "hick, peasant, or yokel"). However, 
bouseaux literally means "cow turds." 

Gay men who successfully joined the British Navy used to 
be called "reverse malingerers."

A Boy Scout who forcibly helps an old lady across the 
street is called an officious interloper. Ask any lawyer.

The Greeks had a word that meant "with armpits smelling 
like a he-goat."

The term for when dogs scratch their butts by dragging 
them across the floor is called "sleigh riding."

The expression "paddy wagon" is derived from a derogatory 
reference to picking up drunk Irish people.

Young women in Atlanta used to refer to their private 
parts as "janers."


--------- Stuffed chicken bomb ruffles feathers ----------

SIMSBURY, Conn. - An unusual bomb scare ended well but 
has Connecticut authorities looking for the originator 
of the fowl deed, police said. A motorist Monday alerted 
police to what appeared to be a store-bought whole, 
roasting chicken with a pipe bomb stuffed inside. The 
road was closed part of the morning as the Hartford, 
Conn., Police Department's bomb squad detonated the 
device, the Hartford Courant reported Tuesday. Police 
Capt. Matthew Catania wouldn't describe the bomb in 
detail but told the newspaper the device was "capable 
of causing harm to a person." 


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----------- Teen, dad arrested for pony prank ------------

WESTPORT, Conn. - Police in Westport, Conn., said a 
teenager and her father have been charged with breach of 
peace after the student brought her pony to school. Staples 
High School junior Sarah Friedson, 17, said she walked her 
pony, Cocoa, to school on the last day of classes Friday 
partly as a prank and partly to protest the high price of 
gasoline, the Hartford (Conn.) Courant reported Monday. 
Westport police said Friedson and her father, Ronald, 50, 
who was following the pony in his car, were arrested after 
they ignored warnings from school administrators and a 
security guard to keep the pony off of school grounds. 
The elder Friedson said school administrators overreacted 
by calling police. "It's a fat old pony," he said. "He 
looks like something out of a cartoon. The only danger is 
if you're a carrot." 

------------ McDonald's workers catch chicken -------------

TEMECULA, Calif. - Employees of a Temecula, Calif., 
McDonald's said they have captured a chicken that had 
terrorized the restaurant's drive-through lane for nearly 
four months. The employees said the brave fowl would anger 
customers by blocking the drive-through lanes and bother 
employees by shedding feathers around the premises, the 
Riverside (Calif.) Press-Enterprise reported. Restaurant 
manager Chona Cauley said the chicken evaded numerous 
capture attempts, but was finally ensnared after it fell 
asleep atop a drive-through window. "Normally, the chicken 
sleeps in the bushes," Cauley said. Esmeralda Ruiz, an 
employee who helped capture the chicken, said she has 
adopted the animal as a pet. "She's one of our family 
members now," Ruiz said. 

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-------- Spray-painted goats slip on vegetable oil --------

EUSTIS, Fla. - A group of Florida students could be facing 
criminal charges after two spray-painted goats were found 
clambering around a school in a puddle of vegetable oil. 
Police said they are on the look out for as many as six 
Eustis High School students suspected of putting two 
stolen, spray-painted goats inside the school in the middle 
of the night as a senior prank, WFTV, Orlando, reported. 
The culprits allegedly made sure to grease the floor with 
vegetable oil before taking off, causing the goats to lose 
their footing. Police say a security camera recorded 
footage of the suspects walking into the building. "It's 
funny as long as they didn't endanger the animals or 
anything. As long as they don't hurt them ... I don't see 
anything wrong with it," sophomore student Shelbie Reilly 
said of the May 30 incident. If caught, the suspects could 
be charged with burglary and criminal mischief, WFTV said. 


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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world 
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The 
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..  
Bizarre Uncensored


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I wonder what makes those people wanting to sign up for 
space sex think they would be the first. Who is to say it 
hasn't already happened? -Dave
[How would you like to be the crew in charge of cleaning 
up the space shuttle after that mission?]

In regards to the whole Dick vs. Dorothy debate, I gotta 
say I'm with Dick on this one. Dick makes a lot of sense 
to me. I'll even go one further... and I never thought 
I'd say this... but I think I like Dick. -Adam Kaplan
[I won't go so far as to say I like Dick...but I think I 
understand Dick. I certainly understand Dick better than 
any woman would.]

Hey Lewis, I think Jonathan hasn't spent much time out 
the good ol' USA.  When traveling abroad, virtually every 
instruction on a plane or in an airport is repeated in 
English.  Most signs are also in the local tongue and 
English, which only bolsters my point about us being too 
stupid to learn a few words of a second language.  To the 
victors go the spoils, English has become the official 
language of the world thanks to England's former 
imperialism and our (quickly becoming former) economic 
imperialism. -Dorothy
[Yep...it sucks to be them.]

Hey Lewis, You reported the story about the man in Alabama 
who the Jefferson County Sheriff's deputies repeatedly tased 
a naked man who claimed to be Jesus Christ and George Bush. 
Unfortunately I live in Jefferson County Alabama and the 
sheriffs department we have are fucking idiots the biggest 
being the Jefferson County Sheriff.  It is a wonder that the 
deputies would even get out of their cars long enough to 
tase anyone because they are so damn lazy. If you really 
want to see a county with very piss poor law officers, then 
you definitely need to visit Jefferson County Alabama. -J.T. 
[Thanks for the tip.]

Lewis, Why isn't the 1st question you ask yourself, "Why 
did it take these trained deputies FOUR shots to 'secure' 
a LONE, NAKED, INTOXICATED man? It's already been confirmed 
by several prominent police experts that tasers are greatly 
over-used. This seems like a good example of that. The guy 
had no place to hide a weapon, and was already at a disad-
vantage on several counts!  Good fucking god!  If they HAD 
to use the taser at all, it sounds like the second one did 
the trick (he fell to the ground).  They couldn't roll him 
over and secure him while on the ground? how many of these 
TRAINED deputies were there again? Not amused! -Kobe
[I would tend to agree. Tasers are supposed to be an alter-
native to lethal force, not an electric night stick. They 
are too easy of an alternative to officers.] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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