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Publication: Bizarre News
It's A Strange Thing

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, July 19, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There was a story similar to this one floating around a few 
years ago, but that one involved a garden gnome. These people 
with way too much time on their hands kidnapped a ceramic 
dog from a Portland, Ore. woman's yard. 

Edwina Cramer-Norris said she had assumed the dog was gone 
for good when it disappeared last month, but then she began 
receiving postcards addressed "To Master" from "Lucky Dog." 

Cramer-Norris said she saw a blue van leave her driveway 
Sunday and when she went outside to investigate, she found 
her missing lawn decoration sitting in a makeshift dog house 
alongside a photo album documenting its adventures. She said 
the pictures depict the dog with a family at locations in-
cluding Disneyworld, Graceland, the Mississippi River and 
New Orleans. 

She said a note accompanying the pictures explained that the 
dog had needed a vacation from Oregon because the weather 
was too rainy. 

"It's a strange thing," she said. "We're happy to have him 
back and it gives us something to share with others. It's 
some kind of a strange story." 

Cramer-Norris said the missing dog returned with two new 
additions to the family -- a pair of ceramic puppies. 

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum

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+------------------- Bizarre Criminals -------------------+ 
                          
In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van 
thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it 
was carrying potato chips instead. 

In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in 
his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny dye 
capsule exploded, blowing a hold in his trousers. 

In 1998, a would be Texas grocery store robber tried to 
disguise his face with a balaclava, however, he failed to 
remove a laminated badge which bore his name, place of 
employment and position from his breast pocket. 

Police had no difficulty catching a man who stole a barge
on the River Thames in 1972. There was a dock strike on 
that day and his was the only craft moving. 

The defense attorney for Tyrone Jerrols of Houston, Texas,
who was facing charges of murder, filed a motion to prevent
the use of Jerrol's nickname, claiming it would prejudice
the jury. Jerrol's nickname is "Hitman."

                             ***

--------- Man seeks career as human billboard ----------

LACONIA, N.H. - A Laconia, N.H., tattoo enthusiast said 
he has found a way to make extra cash from his hobby by 
renting himself out as a human billboard. Victor Thompson, 
39, said he is charging $200 per square inch for companies 
to advertise their products and services with tattoos on 
his skin, the Boston Herald reported. "I'm getting paid 
to do what I like to do best," Thompson said. "It's a one-
time fee and it's a lifetime advertisement." Thompson, a 
former restaurant employee, created www.tattmetto.com with 
his business partner, Josh Youssef. "He's thrilled with 
the idea because he's getting paid to do what he loves, 
which is talk to people and he's getting paid to get 
tattooed," said Yousse, a New Hampshire native who owns 
a computer store. "It's a win-win situation for him." 
Thompson previously made headlines when he announced his 
plan to tattoo his head to resemble the helmets worn by 
the New England Patriots, his favorite football team. 
"Tattoos are my life," he said. "I'm the first person in 
the world that's got a Patriot helmet tattoo. Now I'm the 
first person to be a walking billboard." 

------------------------------------------------------------
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------- Man ordered to apologize for penis costume --------

SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y. - A Saratoga Springs, N.Y., judge 
ordered a man who dressed as a giant penis at a high school 
graduation to apologize to the city. Calvin Morett, 19, was 
sentenced by the City Court to write a letter of apology 
and pay to have it published in the local newspaper, the 
Times Union newspaper in Albany, N.Y., reported Thursday. 
Morett was also ordered to pay $95 in court fees and 
complete 24 hours of community service after he pleaded 
guilty to disorderly conduct. The sentence stems from an 
incident June 26 at the Saratoga Springs High School 
graduation ceremony at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. 
Police said Morett shocked the assembled crowd by parading 
around in a 6-foot inflatable penis costume and sprayed 
some of the crowd with Silly String. Morett graduated from 
the high school in 2007. 


---------- Police: Burglars burst through wall -----------

ORLANDO, Fla. - Florida authorities said nearly $2,000 in 
merchandise was stolen from a video game store after break-
ing though walls like Sonic the Hedgehog. The Orange County 
Sheriff's Office said two thieves broke through the drywall 
of a business adjacent to a GameStop store, sprayed a fire 
extinguisher to leave security cameras useless and made 
off with merchandise, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported 
Thursday. Authorities said the burglary was the latest in 
a string of crimes targeting Florida GameStop locations. 
Thieves used a similar method of breaking through the 
drywall of an adjacent business to burgle a Kissimmee, 
Fla., location in September, the Sentinel said. 

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------------------------------------------------------------

---------- Boy uses toy radar to scare speeders -----------

LOUISVILLE, Ky. - An 11-year-old Kentucky boy who became 
fed up with speeding motorists on his block has taken it 
upon himself to brandish his toy radar gun at the roadside.
Residents in the boy's subdivision have lodged numerous 
complaints about motorists driving as fast as 55 mph on 
the 25 mph road. But Landon Wilburn, 11, took matters into 
his own hands, The Courier-Journal newspaper in Louisville, 
Ky., reported Thursday. Neighbors said the boy can often 
be seen at the roadside holding his Hot Wheels toy radar 
gun -- which actually measures the speeds of the cars -- 
while wearing an orange vest and flashing a battery-
operated flashlight with a built-in siren, the newspaper 
said. George Ayers, 61, a resident of the neighborhood, 
said he at first didn't recognize the young roadside 
vigilante. He said that at first glance, the 11-year-old 
appeared to be a police officer. "When I saw it happening, 
I got the biggest kick out of it," Ayers told The Courier-
Journal. "People were locking up their brakes when they 
saw him." 

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world 
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The 
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..  
Bizarre Uncensored

------------------------------------------------------------

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

You've used pork cutlets during sex?  You're more bizarre 
than I thought! -Dawn in Baltimore
[Only breaded cutlets.]


Lewis, Of course we're heading for a depression that will 
make 1929 look like a boy scout jamboree.The government has 
it all planned out.The Council of Foreign Relations has the 
USA all set to unite with Canada and Mexico to form one big 
nation with no borders. Our deflated currency will be revised 
and will be called the Amero.The middle class will be wiped 
out. We will have two classes--the poor and the ruling rich. 
[Start buying guns and ammunition.]


Hey Lewis, here's a novel concept I came up with, and it 
works. If you want to save gas, save money, and save the 
environment starting RIGHT NOW, try this. SLOW DOWN! I love 
it how the bozo's in these big SUV's doing 85 down the 
interstate, want to complain about gas prices. Don't like 
how much you pay at the pump? Quit using so much gas. I 
knocked 15 MPH off my speed commuting to and from work, 
and I've cut my gas bill by about 30%. Try it, you'll be 
shocked. -Rob
[That's very true. You should go to www.gophercentral.com 
and subscribe to Living Green.]


Lewis: I don't know what is going to occur first, inflation 
or depression. But with the government mailing "Stimulus 
Checks" to everyone, I figure creating inflation is the 
object.  I look at it this way the government is deep in 
debt and borrowing money. Now if you can lower the real 
value of the dollar the government can settle their loans 
with cheaper dollars than they borrowed.


Lewis; Regarding the financial disaster facing us, I'm afraid 
writing to members of Congress won't help.  In order for the 
U.S. to become financially stable tens of millions of Americans 
would have to write and demand that their benefits be cut and 
their taxes raised.  What you would actually see are letters 
that say basically, "Do something but don't change anything 
that effects me."
[Or....with the national debt standing at $9 trillion dollars 
(and some change) and the population of the U.S. being about 
300,000,000 all every man, woman and child would have to do is 
come up with $30,000 and the problem would be solved. Hey, or 
how about a national telethon? Is Jerry Lewis still alive?]


What are you now? A political pundit? I subscribe to your 
newsletter to laugh...not cry and worry. Your opening 
remarks make me want to shoot myself before I've even eaten 
my oatmeal! Thanks a lot butthead! Go stick a hairpin in a 
light socket or get back to writing funny bizarre stuff! 
 -sam 
[At least this is an honest opinion.] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
------------------------------------------------------------
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