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Publication: Bizarre News
International Oil Conspiracy?

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, July 9, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Here is something to think about. I recently read about a 
guy named Lindsey Williams who wrote a book called 'The 
Energy Non-Crisis' in which he talks about how the current 
gasoline and oil prices are artificially created by an 
international conspiracy designed to keep the United States 
buying oil from certain middle-eastern countries, 
particularly Saudi Arabia. 

He claims that the largest oil field in the world was dis-
covered about twenty years ago just off the northern coast 
of Alaska. Enough oil, potentially, to supply all of North 
America's energy needs for the next two hundred years. 

This discovery was hushed up by the federal government, 
according to Williams, in order to keep us buying our oil 
from the middle-east. But why? 

The theory is that forty years ago Henry Kissinger, acting 
as Secretary of State for the United States, worked out 
deals with certain oil-producing countries, to buy as much 
oil as they could produce and make then wildly rich provided 
that they 1) conduct all oil transactions in U.S. dollars, 
practically guaranteeing that the dollar will be the accepted 
international currency, and 2) that these countries will 
spend a portion of the money WE send them to buy U.S. debt. 

Of course, in the last forty years the U.S national debt has 
gone from $390 billion in 1970 to a ridiculous nine and a 
half trillion dollars today. 

What does that mean to you and me? It means that if Williams 
is right, and the U.S. started producing the majority of its 
energy at home, the middle-east would stop financing our 
debt (with our own money) causing a collapse of the dollar 
and a recession that would make the 1930s look like a tea 
party. 

But is it true? 

Interestingly enough...the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge 
(ANWR), where all of this oil supposedly is, first became 
a federal protected area in 1960, and in 1980 an expansion 
of the refuge included 1.5 million acres of the coastal plain 
where Williams claims the discovery was made, requiring 
congressional authorization before oil drilling may proceed. 

It makes you think about who is really responsible for $4.25 
gas. 

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here... 
Bizarre News Forum

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+--------------------- Bizarre Laws -----------------------+
                          ALABAMA  

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while 
operating a vehicle.

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter 
in church.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

You must have windshield wipers on your car.

You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at 
any time.

Masks may not be worn in public.

Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.

You may not drive barefooted.

It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.

It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy

                             ***

----------- Seagulls attack shoppers for food -----------

SOUTH SHIELDS, England - Pedestrians on a South Shields, 
England, street say aggressive seagulls have been stealing 
food from shoppers. One shopper, a 27-year-old woman, said 
a seagull snatched a sandwich out of her hands on King 
Street, The Telegraph reported. "All I was doing was trying 
to eat my sandwich and I get attacked by a giant seagull," 
she said. "It was quite scary -- I had no idea they were 
so ruthless. It was like that Alfred Hitchcock film, 'The 
Birds.'" Catriona Campbell, 19, a sales assistant who works 
outside on King Street, said the seagulls are "horrible."
"I once saw one land on a man's head. It just reached over 
and grabbed his pasty out of his hand then flew off," she 
said. "It happens all the time. It's because people don't 
dispose of their leftover food properly and the seagulls 
take advantage of an easy meal." 

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------------------------------------------------------------

-------- Claim: Kids who say 'yuck' may be racist ---------

LONDON - Toddlers who say "yuck" when given flavorful 
foreign food may be exhibiting racist behavior, a British 
government-sponsored organization says. The National 
Children's Bureau in London released a 366-page guide 
counseling adults on recognizing racist behavior in young 
children, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. The guide, 
titled Young Children and Racial Justice, warns adults 
that babies must also be included in the effort to 
eliminate racism because they have the ability to 
"recognize different people in their lives." The bureau 
says to be aware of children who "react negatively to a 
culinary tradition other than their own by saying 'yuck'." 
"Racist incidents among children in early years settings 
tend to be around name-calling, casual thoughtless comments 
and peer group relationships," the guide says. Staff 
members are advised not to ignore racist actions and to 
condemn them when they occur. 


--------- Sneaky snake bites Wal-Mart shopper -----------

PEMBROKE PINES, Fla. - A Florida man survived being bitten 
by a poisonous pygmy rattlesnake while browsing the garden 
department at Wal-Mart, rescuers say. The man was injected 
with an antidote at Memorial Hospital Miramar after being 
taken from the Pembroke Pines shopping center, The Miami 
Herald reported Monday. Officials said the man was bitten 
on his right hand by the foot-long snake. "(The bite) 
wouldn't have been been fatal with an adult male. But you 
could lose a finger," Miami-Dade County Fire/Rescue Capt. 
Ernie Jillson said, adding that the bite could kill a 
senior citizen or child. Jillson said the bitten man is 
expected to make a full recovery. Wal-Mart employees said 
they called for emergency help quickly after the man was 
struck and are cooperating with officials who are looking 
into the incident. "This is clearly an isolated situation. 
Customer safety is always a priority," Wal-Mart spokeswoman 
Daphne Moore told the Herald. 

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------------------------------------------------------------

--------- Bare-bottom bride sues dress designer ----------

CHIAVARI, Italy - A woman said she is suing her Italian 
wedding dress designer after the nearly $4,000 garment 
fell apart at the altar, exposing her bottom to her guests.
The bride, 30, said her wedding day in Chiavari, Italy, 
went down the tubes because of faulty sewing on her dress, 
The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. The woman's attorney, 
Alberto Figone, said her wedding was ruined and it "turned 
out to be the worst" day of her life. "She was left 
extremely embarrassed because the stitching of her dress 
came apart at the altar, slid down and revealed her bottom 
to the whole congregation," he said. The woman is seeking 
about $40,000 from the designer for "moral damages as well 
as financial damages," the newspaper said. Since the 
woman's 2006 wedding took place, she and her husband have 
separated, the Telegraph said. 

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------------------------------------------------------------

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, apparently the idea in moving into and taking over 
someone's home is spreading in Alabama. In Decatur, Alabama 
this week a woman returned from extended vacation and noticed 
her door had been forced open. She called the police and then 
entered and found a woman there wearing her clothes. When she 
asked the woman why she was there she replied. "I live here. 
What are you doing here?" When the police got there they 
arrested the woman for breaking and entering. -Jack 
[You know, I have this fantasy where I come home and find 
a strange woman in my bedroom...]


You better print my comment or else I will UNSUBSCRIBE! (but, 
if I Unsubscribe, how will I know if you printed my comment?) 
This is too bizarre. Help I need an expert! --Wolf 
[I've solved your problem, Wolf, I deleted you from the list.]


I keep wondering where you get your reader comments, or where 
the readers get their comments from. I must be missing some-
thing, because the comments never seem to have anything to do 
with what I've read about in recent issues of Bizarre News. 
What is up with that? -jc 
[You mean...just like this comment doesn't have anything to 
do with what has been in recent issues?]


Lewis, I have the most bizarre excuse for being late to work 
ever. I recently had to call the supervisor of my workplace, 
and say, 'Kevin, I know I'm not due in for another 2 hours, 
but I think I'm going to be late. My neighbor's house ex-
ploded about an hour ago, and I don't know when I'll be able 
to get out of my driveway.' I was nearly an hour late for 
work that day, but they didn't penalize me for it. 


YOU have an assistant editor that does a bunch of your work? 
Gee, Lewis.  What do you DO all day?  I could do Bizarre 
News, all by myself, in one day!  Tell me you are in charge 
of more than just Bizarre News. -Sandi 
[Shush up, you! Do you want to ruin things for me here?] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
------------------------------------------------------------
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