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Publication: Bizarre News
How's This For Luck?

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, April 12, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
Bizarre News coffee mug. Supplies are limited so order yours
today for just $2.99! Official Bizarre News Mug
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

How's this for luck? A York, Virginia man named the nation's
top beer fan by a Colorado-based brewery has been awarded a
lifetime supply of his favorite beverage.

Matt Venzke, who was named the winner of the "12th Annual
Search for America's Ultimate Beer Fiend," which was carried
out via a series of question-and-answer sessions with contest-
ants, won "free beer for life" from Wynkoop Brewing Co., as
well as a $250 beer tab at his favorite bar and the chance to
design his own custom-brew alongside the company's top brewer.

Venzke explained that his new found title was not based on
the quantity of beer he drinks, but rather on the variety of
brews he enjoys and his level of fandom.

"It's not about drinking high quantities of beer, it's about
enjoying the diversities of beer," Venzke said.

Wynkoop said Venzke was chosen for his "humor" as well as "a
combination of impressive beer drinking experiences ... and
beer ambassadorship."

A lifetime supply of beer. Well, if he wasn't an alcoholic
before he will be soon.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here... 
Bizarre News Forum

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+---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+
                           ENGLAND

Chelsea Pensioner may not be impersonated. 

It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public 
conveyance. 

In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless in 
public except as a clerk in a tropical fish store. 

Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked mannequin. 

Anal sex is prohibited. 

It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is 
on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand 
is on the vehicle. 

In Chester, you can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow 
and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight.  

                             ***

--------- Man denied request to wear short skirt ----------

CLINTON, La. - A professional landscaper in Louisiana who
suffers from painful heat rash said he was denied a request
to wear a short skirt because it's against the law. Jay
Herrod's request was turned down after he explained his
situation to the Clinton Board of Aldermen at a town
meeting Wednesday, WAFB-TV, Baton Rouge, reported. "It's
very painful. It's easy for somebody to point their finger
at me and judge me, but honestly, if you went through what
I went through, you would do it too," Herrod said. Herrod
reportedly can often be seen in the summer wearing a small
green skirt while mowing lawns around town. He says the
short skirt lessens his pain, which is worsened by sweat
build-up. Officials said Herrod's short skirt goes against
a city law barring anyone from sagging their pants or
exposing themselves. The board told Herrod they would
reconsider his request when he could provide a doctor's
note.

------------------------------------------------------------
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-------- Bird saves the day with police siren call ---------

ZHENGZHOU, China - A Chinese woman said her pet bird, a 
gray myna named Mao Mao, successfully frightened away two 
robbers with her realistic imitation of a police siren. 
The bird's owner, known only as Yuan, said Mao Mao's siren 
call saved the day last week when she noticed her motor-
cycle was missing from outside her Zhengzhou, China home, 
China Daily reported. Yuan said she went outside to 
investigate and saw what looked like a man fleeing the 
area after Mao Mao began sounding her siren-like call. 
On another occasion, Mao Mao scared away a man who was 
attempting to take hanging bacon from Yuan's window, the 
report said. Yuan told the newspaper she thinks Mao Mao 
learned her siren call from emergency vehicles driving 
around in the area. 


-------- Wrappers lead to candy theft suspects ----------

CINCINNATI - Cincinnati police said they tracked down four 
suspects in a candy store burglary by following a trail of 
discarded wrappers. Police said they followed the trail 
from Peter Minges and Sons Candy Shop, where $400 worth of 
candy was stolen just before 1 a.m. Thursday, to a nearby 
area where they arrested four suspects, two men and two 
women, WLWT-TV, Cincinnati, reported. Three of the suspects 
have not yet been named by police, but one of the women, 
Christine Ruther, was charged with child endangerment after 
she allegedly brought her 7-month-old daughter along for 
the heist. 

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These Refrigerator Balls contains a packet of potassium
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------------------------------------------------------------

----------- Navy officer worked as call girl ------------

WASHINGTON - A U.S. Navy officer was on leave Friday 
after testifying in a Washington federal court she 
moonlighted as a call girl while on duty at the Naval 
Academy. Lt. Cmdr. Rebecca C. Dickinson, 38, told the 
jury she worked for Deborah Jeane Palfrey's escort 
service for six months, using the name "Renee" while 
having sex for money, The Washington Post reported. 
She said she quit in 2006 partly because of "other 
responsibilities." Palfrey is on trial for racketeering, 
money laundering and using the mail for illegal purposes. 
"It was getting harder for me to do," Dickinson testified. 
"I had other responsibilities. I didn't like it. I quit 
for many reasons. Partly because of other commitments."
Dickinson, who worked as a supply officer at the academy, 
enlisted in the Navy in 1986 and was commissioned an 
officer in 1993 after graduating from Auburn University. 
She was the 13th admitted former call girl to testify 
since Tuesday in the government's case against Palfrey. 
Three former clients of the escort service also have 
testified. 

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------------------------------------------------------------

Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Every single one of your stories are Wonderful.  The
BESTEST and BIZZARESTEST!  I Love it.  I will just keep
reading and even writing about it every chance I get. Very
Much Love to you, and, THANK YOU ;-) -Wendy [It's hard to
argue with that!]


Lewis, I hold a Patent Pending for a jet engine that uses
water for fuel. I have written the Government four times. I
have been ignored except for the Department of Energy that
wrote to inform me that it was not their department. Are
you interested in investing in my invention?
[Nope. My opinion would be that if you have a patent for an
engine that ran exclusively on water you would already be a
multi-millionaire, if not billionaire. The laws of thermo-
dynamics can be real sticklers. But keep working on it!]


Lewis, Someone asked me this question,and I couldn't answer
it; maybe you can. What does p's and q's as in: watch your
p's and q's mean? --Teresa
[I heard it same from British 'pennies' and 'quid'. As in,
keep an eye on your money when you're around people you
don't know or trust. Although I know there are several other
possible explanations...probably none of which is true.]


Hi Lewis, I love your column! Well this weekend my sister-
in-law, who is a nurse at a local hospital, showed us a
bizzare picture of a broken jar of cherries. For some odd
reason one gentelman had decided to stick a jar of cherries
up his pie hole, lol, and it broke inside! He had to be
rushed into the emergency and get operated. Who knows what
made him stick a jar of cherries up there? -Naomi, TX
[I don't know. Maybe a jar of olives would have been too
big?]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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