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Publication: Bizarre News
Hindsight is 20/20

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, May 28, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
Bizarre News coffee mug. Supplies are limited so order yours 
today for just $2.99! Official Bizarre News Mug 

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You know how they say hindsight is 20/20? I bet you the guy 
in today's story wishes he had spent his weekend alone 
spanking it to Internet porn like the rest of us do when 
our wives are out of town. 

It seems a Lutz, Florida resident hired a nude maid from 
Craigslist to clean his home because his wife was out of 
town. But the unfortunate part about hiring strippers from 
the Internet is that they have a tendency to be less than 

When this stripper says she will clean your house she 
really means she will clean your house. When the victim's 
wife returned to her clean home she discovered her jewelry 

The man believes the maid cleaned him out while cleaning 
the bedroom. Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies are 
investigating the theft of $40,000 worth of jewelry from 
a posh northwest county home. 

Deputies are now looking for the maid to question her in 
the disappearance of the jewelry. The victim provided the 
woman's web site along with a brief description of her ap-

And the worst part? Not only does the poor bastard have to 
tell his wife that every last earring and stickpin has been 
stolen out of the house, but he also has to tell her that 
he's been whoring it up with an Internet stripper. 



P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum


+------------------- Bizarre Criminals --------------------+

In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van
thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it
was carrying potato chips instead.

In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in
his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny
security-dye capsule exploded, blowing a hole in his

In 1998, a would-be Texas grocery store robber went to the
trouble of disguising his face with a balaclava but forgot
to remove from his breast pocket a laminated badge which
bore his name, place of employment and position within the
company - an oversight spotted by at least a dozen

A 1975 raid on the Royal Bank of Scotland in Rothesay degen-
erated into farce when, on the way in, the three would-be
raiders got stuck in the bank's revolving doors and had to
be helped free by the staff. Undeterred, they returned a
few minutes later and announced that it was a robbery. The
staff thought it was a practical joke and refused to pay
up. While one of the men vaulted the counter and twisted
his ankle on landing, the other two made their escape,
only to get trapped in the revolving doors again.


--------- Thousands gather to watch cheese-chasers ---------

BROCKWORTH, England - Thousands of people showed up Monday 
to watch competitors participate in the yearly chasing of 
Double Gloucester cheese down Cooper's Hill in England. 
Cheese-chasers from all around the world were drenched in 
rain and mud during the strange, and risky, event as they 
ran, tumbled and slid down a steep hill after an over-sized 
circle of cheese, the Sun reported. At least 19 people were 
injured plunging down the dangerously steep slope, the BBC 
reported. The event's managers had warned participants 
the giant circle of cheese would roll, regardless of the 
weather. "I have done absolutely no preparation for this, 
which is worrying. It seems people taking part just dull 
their fear by having a few drinks beforehand," British 
comedian Rory McGrath, 52, said as he was getting ready 
to roll. 

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---------- Grandmother busted for kitty posters -----------

DENTON, England - A British woman said she escaped a 
conviction and fine after authorities warned her to remove 
posters that sought the owner of a lost cat. Joy Tracey, a 
grandmother of three, said she was only trying to get the 
orange feline, named Copper, back his owners when she put 
12 posters on lampposts surrounding her home in Denton, 
England, Sky News reported. Tracey said she tried to locate 
the kitty's owners for two weeks after she found him in her 
yard, and was surprised when a law enforcement officer 
called her. "He said whilst he sympathized, it was an 
offense, and told me to remove them all from the Denton 
area or face a hefty fine. The world is going potty with 
petty officialdom," Tracy said. Amid a flurry of local 
media attention about the city's tough reaction to the 
posters, Tracy was able to return Copper to his rightful 

-------------- Bar game offers $3 lobsters ---------------

HILTON HEAD, S.C. - A company that manufactures machines 
that dispense real lobsters says five businesses in the 
Hilton Head, S.C., area have installed its products. The 
Lobster Game machines, which debuted years ago in Florida 
and have recently begun spreading through the Carolinas, 
costs three dollars to play and awards live lobsters to 
those who can capture them with the machine's button-
operated claw, the (Hilton Head) Island Packet reported 
Monday. The company that manufactures the machines, 
Bluewater Vending, said the machines earn bar and 
restaurant owners an average $1,000 per day. It said bars 
and restaurants that contain the machines offer to cook 
the lobsters for the winners or allow them to take them 
home. Bars said some customers $30 or more at a time 
trying to capture the lobsters. Employees at Jock's Sports 
Grill in nearby Bluffton said they briefly operated one of 
the machines, but got rid of it after customers became too 
skilled and the machine began running out of lobsters too 

The Natural Way To Eliminate Static...

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Teen fined $100 for letting balloon go

NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, England - A British woman said police 
were being "petty and vindictive" when they fined her 
teenage son about $100 for letting a balloon float away. 
Max Twizell, 16, was ordered to fork over nearly $100 for 
littering after he let go of a balloon filled with helium 
at a charity gathering in Newcastle, England, the Daily 
Mail reported Sunday. "Will the council fine every charity 
that holds a balloon race 50 pounds ($100) per balloon? 
How about toddlers in prams who accidentally release their 
helium balloon?" the boy's mother, Lorraine Twizell said. 
Stephen Savage, director of regulatory services and public 
protection, told the newspaper authorities are required to 
bust those who litter. "We believe pursuing action against 
offenses like this sends out an uncompromising message 
that litter dropping in the city will not be tolerated," 
he said. 


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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world 
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The 
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..  
Bizarre Uncensored


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, I say they should just leave the naked alligator 
wrestler alone.  If he is so determined to get high, strip 
down, and fight alligators, they ought to let him.  Then 
he could earn his place in history alongside the other 
Darwin Award recipients. -Greg
[Really? How would you like some drunk naked guy jumping 
on you without provocation?]

Hey Lewis, I don't see what's so bizarre about requiring 
signs to be written in English!  I think every state should 
have that requirement as well as requiring every resident 
to be able to speak English! -Dick
[Hey! It works for Canada.]

Your next door neighbor that you mentioned in last issue's 
reader comments...what was wrong with his garden...was he 
making Killer Tomatoes?
[It was 'killer' something!]

Hey Lewis, those people in Schaumburg that don't want dirty 
old pool water to put out their house fire should pay the 
guy to fill his fire truck with Evian. I personally wouldn't 
care if they pumped the septic tank to put out the fire on 
my house if that's all there was.......Don
[Guess that depends on how much your house is worth.] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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