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Publication: Bizarre News
Heading Down The Wrong Road

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, April 16, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

This "biofuel is taking the food out of babies' mouths" story
seems to be all over the news right now. The UN's Food and
Agriculture Organization says world grain stocks have fallen
to a quarter-century low of 5 million tons, barely enough
rations for eight to 12 weeks. Meanwhile America, the world's
food superpower, will divert 18 percent of its grain output
for ethanol this year, chiefly to break dependency on oil im-
ports.

The bizarre part of this whole story is that biofuel, par-
ticularly from grains, does not reduce dependence on foreign
oil and can actually be more harmful to the environment than
the fossil fuels they would replace.

Scientists have increasingly questioned the sustainability
of biofuels, warning that by increasing deforestation for
crops, the energy source may be contributing to global
warming.

John Beddington, England's current chief scientific adviser,
has already expressed skepticism about biofuels. At a speech
in Westminster recently he said demand for biofuels from the
US had delivered a "major shock" to world agriculture, which
was raising food prices globally. "There are real problems
with the unsustainability of biofuels," he said, adding that
cutting down rainforest to grow the crops was "profoundly
stupid".

But the even worse part is that turning plants such as corn,
soybeans and sunflowers into fuel uses much more energy than
the resulting ethanol or biodiesel generates! For example,
corn requires 29 percent more fossil energy to raise, harvest
and convert than the fuel produced from it!

Talk about heading down the wrong road.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here... 
Bizarre News Forum

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+-------------------- Bizarre Foods ----------------------+ 
                          
Perhaps one of life's most mysterious foods is SPAM. Here 
are some interesting facts that you may not have known 
about the "other" other white meat. 

Spam stands for Shoulder, Pork and hAM.

It was launched by the Geo. A. Hormel Company of Austin, 
Minnesota, in 1937 and became a great favorite of military
cooks during WWII because it contained protein, was easy 
to digest and convenient. 

A six-year-old Dorset boy became addicted to Spam and ate 
his way through six tins of the stuff every week for three
years. He had to be sent to a child psychiatrist to get 
him back on a normal diet. 

Over four billion cans of Spam have been sold worldwide. 

The Hormel Plant at Austin contains an oven that cooks 450 
cans of Spam a minute. 

Spam came to Britain as part of the Lend Lease Act whereby 
food given to the U.K. would be paid for when the war was 
over. Often the only meat available, it became indispensable
until rationing ended in 1954. 

                             ***

------- Navy medic charged $60 for doing good deed -------

PARMA, Mich. - A U.S. Navy medic who stopped on a highway 
to help an ambulance in Parma, Mich., said he was stuck 
with a $60 towing fee after he left his truck behind. 
Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class Tim Moore said he abandoned 
his truck at the side of an exit ramp to help calm a 
"hysterical" woman whose husband was being treated for a 
heart attack inside the ambulance, the Jackson (Mich.) 
Citizen-Patriot reported Monday. Moore said he was asked 
by the ambulance crew to help administer CPR on the way 
to the hospital. The man died in the emergency room and 
Moore said insult was added to injury when he learned his 
truck had been towed. Jackson County Undersheriff Tom Finco 
said  abandoned vehicles are usually tagged for about 48 
hours before they are towed, but Moore's truck represented 
a travel hazard because one corner of vehicle was protrud-
ing over the line onto the exit ramp. Moore said the owner 
of the towing company declined to cut him a break on the 
$60 fee. "It was obviously extenuating circumstances," 
Moore said, "but that's his right." 

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----------- Men shoot paintballs at strippers ------------

BOYNTON BEACH, Fla. - Police in Boynton Beach, Fla., said
three men dressed in black walked into a strip club and
pelted dancers and customers with pellets from paintball
guns. Investigators said they believe the attack was
carried out on behalf of an afternoon shift dancer who
was upset after the manager refused to pay her, the Palm
Beach (Fla.) Post reported Monday. Police said the woman
left the Platinum Gold club with another woman who had
been seen arguing with a manager before the attack. The
three assailants and both women were gone from the premises
before police arrived.


------------ Man accuses new wife of assault -------------

CINCINNATI - A husband of five days appeared in a 
Cincinnati court and told the judge he fears for his life 
after his blushing bride allegedly beat him up. Timothy 
Schaffer Jr. told the court after Crystal Whitaker, 25, 
was arrested Saturday that he fears his wife "very much," 
The Cincinnati Enquirer reported. Whitaker is accused of 
striking Schaffer and threatening to kill him. She has 
been charged with domestic violence. Schaffer said he 
has also been threatened by his wife's friends. He said 
Whitaker had applied for a passport and was planning a 
trip to Mexico. Whitaker was jailed in lieu of $5,000 bond 
and ordered to steer clear of Schaffer. 

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--------- Woman's non-existent license suspended ----------

TORONTO - A Toronto woman says she is baffled by a letter
saying her driver's license has been suspended because she
has never driven a car or had a license. Anne Medeiros, 40,
said she got a letter from the Ministry of Transportation
advising that her license had been suspended based on
"evidence of a medical condition that would affect your
ability to safely operate a motor vehicle," the Toronto
Sun reported. Medeiros said the letter contains accurate
information about her, such as her full name, birth date
and address. There is a license number printed, which she
checked to make sure wasn't her husband's, who has a
license. It wasn't his, she said. Ministry officials
weren't available to comment during the weekend, although
Medeiros said she's concerned about who's out there driving
with her identity, the Sun said. "Obviously, they're trying
to suspend someone's license," she said. "And it isn't
mine, that's for sure."

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, I have a question about that bizarre law concerning
shooting a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city
walls and after midnight. At what point does "after midnight"
become "before midnight?" And if I took a vacation to Chester
and invited my ex-wife to come along, would it still be legal
to shoot her? -Rob
[Why? Is she Welsh?]


Hey Lewis, I thought you might find this interesting...
"COMMERCE CITY, Colo. -- A couple fighting about which gang
their 4-year-old toddler should join caused a public distur-
bance that resulted in the father's arrest. Joseph Manzanares
stormed into the Hollywood Video store where his girlfriend
worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video
displays and a computer. His girlfriend told police that they
had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which
gang he should belong to. The teen mother, who is black, is
a member of the Crips. Manzanares is Hispanic and belongs to
the Westside Ballers gang."  Talk about bizarre! -Rachel
[What ever happened to old fashioned family values? Back in
the day there would be no question that the child would join
the gang his father belonged to.]


In regards to Naomi's comment about the guy who had to have
a broken jar of cherries surgically removed, I figure it's
better he stuck it in his pie hole rather than his corn hole.
 -Max
[Or even worse...his cake hole.]


Having a bird that can imitate a police siren could come in
handy in the event of a 'myna' emergency... -Ed
[You don't have any friends, do you, Ed?]


I'll bet all the Scotch readers are really going to love you
for making them English. Watch out for burly-looking dudes
with large pointed devices and blur makeup. -Harold
[You want me to watch out for TZ? He's mostly harmless.]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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