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         BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, April 26, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
Bizarre News coffee mug. Supplies are limited so order yours
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Forget gas prices. Forget food shortages. You can even forget
about cholesterol. Because all of these minor problems have
been eclipsed by the accomplishment of a visionary in South-
gate, Michigan.

Steve Mallie, the owner of a Michigan sports bar, claims to
have set a new world record for the largest hamburger. The
24-inch giant assembled and cooked at Mallie's Sports Grill
and Bar weighed 134 pounds when cooked.

Mallie said he believes he has clearly topped the previous
record set by Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pa.,
which produced a 123-pounder last year.

"That is the way we pride ourselves: We have the world's best
and now we have the world's biggest," said Mike Matkin,
Mallie's press agent.

The bar already offers 6-pound and 12-pound burgers, usually
bought by groups or families and cut into slices. Mallie
plans to add his really big burger to the menu for a price
of $399 and 24-hours notice.

He said he hopes to get the burger into the Guinness Book of
World Records. Well, as long as you make your mark in history
somehow.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum

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+-------------- Bizarre 911 Emergency Calls  --------------+

A thirty-year-old Maryland man called 911 and reported, 
"You gotta put out the fire, man. My marijuana plants are 
burning." When the fire-fighters team arrived they found 
the man sitting in his kitchen, in the dark, strumming his 
guitar. 

A man in La Vergne, Tennessee, called emergency 911 to 
report that he and his wife had had a fight and he needed 
police to come to his house and stop her from pouring out 
all his beer. 

Velma Ann Wantlin of Houma, Louisiana was issued a citation 
for improper use of the 911 emergency line.  Wantlin called 
911 to report her husband for preventing her from watching 
the season finale of Knots Landing.

[Dispatcher]  911. What's your emergency? [Caller] I'm sca-
red. [Dispatcher]  What's the problem?  [Caller]  I just 
got a Ouija board for my birthday and now there's writing 
on my wall and I can't get it off....This thing is going 
back to Kmart first thing in the morning!

[Dispatcher]  911.  What's your emergency? [Caller]  Could 
you send the police to my house? [Dispatcher]  What's wrong 
there? [Caller]  I called and someone answered the phone, 
but I'm not there. 

                             ***

--------- Lightning strikes twice at Pa. home ----------

BALDWIN, Pa. - A Baldwin, Pa., man says his house caught 
fire after it was struck by lightning for the second time 
in its history. The home, which was built by the man's 
father, was previously struck by lightning when he lived 
there as a child, WTAE-TV in Pittsburgh reported. The 
homeowner said a neighbor helped him escape the house 
after the most recent lightning strike Wednesday night. 
Firefighters put out the blaze. 

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------------- Father of 77 rejects polygamy ---------------

GIWE ABOSSA, Ethiopia - A man in Ethiopia with 11 wives
says he has changed his mind about polygamy and is urging
others not to go the same route he did. Ayattu Nure, 56,
said he married his 11 wives as a way of sharing his wealth
but the costs involved in raising his 77 children have
depleted his fortune, The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday.
"I want my children to be farmers but I have no land, I
want them to go to school but I have no money," he said.
Ayattu said his wives gave birth to 100 babies total but
23 of the children died at young ages. He said the size
of his family makes it difficult for him to spend as much
time as he would like with each of his wives and children
and he often has trouble feeding them all. "People see me
as a funny man but there is no fun in my condition. I am
a desperate man struggling to survive," he told The Daily
Telegraph. He said the government has refused to help him,
despite his pleas for assistance in obtaining photographs
of his children so they will be allowed to attend school.


------------ Zebra found in college building -------------

OXFORD, Ga. - Campus police at Georgia's Emory University
at Oxford said they were investigating the case of a
kidnapped zebra that turned up in a college building.
Curtis Jackson, who owns Barcode the zebra, said he did
not realize the 800-pound mammal was missing until
Wednesday morning when animal control officials returned
it to his 53-acre home, which is located about one mile
from the college, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution
reported Thursday. "He's back in his pen, and he seems a
little rowdy right now, but otherwise I think he's OK,"
Jackson said. Campus police said Barcode was discovered
on the third floor of Seney Hall when public safety
workers opened the building Wednesday morning. Animal
control officials said it did not take long to identify
the zebra. "How many people own zebras around here?" said
Newton County Animal Control Director Teri Key-Hooson. "We
figured it was Mr. Jackson's because we made a call out
there for his zebra a couple of years ago." Dean Stephen
Bowen said the unknown zebra-nappers took measures to
ensure the animal wasn't harmed. "They lined up a row of
chairs so the animal couldn't get close to the windows and
injure itself," he said.

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----------- Woman fights to keep her 150 cats ------------

DELAND, Fla. - A Volusia County, Fla., woman who has been
fined thousands of dollars for keeping 150 cats in her
home said she is taking her fight to court. Kristy Grant,
who was initially fined $6,700 by the county for the
unlicensed pets and fined an additional $150 per day since
the county ordered to get rid of the cats in March, said
her cats are well cared for and she recently installed a
fence to keep her pets from wandering into the yards of
neighbors, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported Thursday. "It
is frustrating, it is nerve-wracking," Grant said. "It has
been a long two years since I was first cited for having
more than four pets on my property." Grant said her home
should be considered a cat sanctuary. "I don't want to
prevent anyone from doing what I do. If you want to help
an animal, you should," she said. The cat-lover said she
knows every one of her pets by name.

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E.. 
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

OK, I'm sorry , but this video was just stupid, watching 
this girl rant and rave was boring  and dumb. -Nancy
[That makes sense, since you're a woman. You see, men 
enjoy watching drunk women make idiots out of themselves.]


Lewis, Have you ever SMELLED a sugar cane fuel processing 
plant.  It is horrible.  Even worse than a fish meal plant. 
Sugar cane must have the husk BURNED off of it before it 
can be cut.  Very black acrid smoke.  I worked in Brazil 
for several years, and drove an alcohol VW Golf.  In Brazil 
they do not have the EPA to worry about, so it works for 
them.  Still many problems to solve before we can go that 
way.  There just AREN'T any easy answers. -Ron
[There definitely are no easy answers. But there are answers 
out there. There is technology that can dramatically reduce 
not only our dependence on fossil fuels but also the pol-
lution we produce. The problem is that we have 100 years of 
momentum built up using these resources without any thought 
of consequence. There is no infrastructure or precedent for 
going in the opposite direction. It will take time and it 
will be expensive. But can it be done before oil becomes so 
scarce that gasoline will have to become rationed, the 
global economy tanks and every ocean, lake, stream and field 
is poisoned? It is a race and people are only now starting 
to realize it.]


The federal government is sending each and everyone of us a 
$600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money 
will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will go to 
the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to India. 
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will  go to Mexico, 
Honduras, and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will 
go to Japan, and none of it will help the American economy. 
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy pro-
stitutes, weed, beer, and tattoos, since these are the only 
products still produced in the USA. 
[That depends on the weed.]


I have an article that tells of an Air Car that runs on 
Compressed Air, it is being manufactured in India and is 
being sold for under $5000 dollars, They are also thinking 
of using it to produce transit vehicles like buses and 
Amtrak style trains. Found this on the Internet and really 
think it is neat, very economincal as it doesn't take much 
to run and can go pretty far on the air. Wish our government 
would look into this as the cars now are so overpriced, even 
the hybrids, that the average person could not even begin to 
afford them. -Jane
[I've seen these things on the Discovery Channel. I guess 
it would be good for scooting one or two people around town, 
as long as you're not going very far. But I don't see one 
pulling a trailer. Plus, how long and how much energy does 
it take to charge one of those tanks with air?]

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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