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Publication: Bizarre News
You Won't Bee-lieve It!

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         BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, May 7, 2008
 "Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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All of you Bizarre News fans can now get your exclusive
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I am sure you have all heard of the mysterious disappearance 
of honey bees over the last few years. Bee populations are 
disappearing at an alarming rate all around the nation. This 
is a crisis because bees pollinate billions of dollars worth 
of crops every year. 

Beekeepers call the phenomenon of disappearing bees, Colony 
Collapse Disorder. But they say no one seems to really know 
exactly why this is all happening. 

I may have a clue. They are all heading to this woman's house. 

A Martinez, Ga., woman says her home has been swarmed by as 
many as 10 million bees. Theresa Manning said she phoned a 
bee removal expert after she saw the insects flying into her 
attic and heard scratching coming from behind her walls. 

Bee wrangler Jason Rehr said he expected to find multiple 
hives in the attic, but instead found the bees had turned the 
structure into a giant hive with honeycombs on the ceiling 
and walls. 

Rehr gave his expert opinion of the phenomenon, "This is the 
mamma-jamma here. This is the biggest one I've ever seen." 

He said he plans to move the bees several miles away from the 
house to hives that have been prepared. 

Bizarrely,

Lewis

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the 
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum

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+--------------------- Bizarre Laws -----------------------+
                          FLORIDA

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, 
as can the salon owner. 

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting 
on Sunday. 

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking 
fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. 

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a 
swimsuit. 

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. 

It is illegal to skateboard without a license. 

When having sex, only the missionary position is legal. 

You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on 
Thursdays. 

It is considered an offense to shower naked. 

Oral sex is illegal. 

You may not kiss your wife's breasts. 

                             ***

-------- Men driving to 48 U.S. states in 5 days ----------

SALT LAKE CITY - Three men are on what they call a "Great 
American Road Trip," trying to drive through the lower 
48 U.S. states in just over five days stopping only for 
gas. North Salt Lake, Utah, residents Joshua Keeler, Joey 
Stocking and Adam Gatherum left from Vermont Sunday to 
begin their mega road trip, the Star Tribune reported 
Monday. The Minneapolis newspaper reported the three men, 
ages 20-25, had made it to Alabama, their 17th state, by 
Monday morning. "This route has been checked and rechecked 
for shorter possibilities and triple checked to be sure 
that all 48 states are included," Keeler wrote on 
greatamericanroadtrip.us. The adventurers are tooling about 
7,500 miles across the country in a 2005 Toyota Scion xB 
because "it is roomy and gets good gas mileage," Keeler 
wrote. The men said they are going to use the help of a 
global positioning system and AAA maps to make sure they 
don't get lost along the way. 

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--------- Atlanta spends $1.5M on public potties ----------

ATLANTA - Some Atlanta residents said the city spent too 
much when it paid $1.5 million for five high-tech public 
toilets. Critics say the pubic potties, which play music 
and have automatic doors, seats and sinks, are an 
unnecessary purchase during a time when many residents are 
being laid off, WSB-TV, Atlanta reported. "Every time you 
flush it, how much money is going down the drain?" resident 
Chuckie Langford asked. The fancy toilets are in use in 
areas including Woodruff Park, Piedmont Park and near 
Atlanta City Hall. Advocates have said buying the potties 
is a good move to better the city's reputation. "It sounds 
a little pricey, but I also think the city is working on 
its image to promote people coming to the city," said 
Joseph St. Jean, who recently began running a trolley 
tour for tourists. 


-------- Fighting soldier accidentally calls home ---------

OTIS, Ore. - An Oregon couple said their son, a soldier 
serving in Afghanistan, accidentally called home and left 
a three-minute recording on their machine during a battle. 
Jeff and Sandie Petee, parents of Stephen Phillips, said 
the message contained shooting, shouted profanity and 
calls for more ammunition, KPTV in Portland, Ore., 
reported  Monday. "His friend died a year ago in Iraq and 
I'm thinking, 'Oh my God, this may be the last time I hear 
my son's voice on the phone,'" Sandie Petee said. "They 
were pinned down and apparently his barrel was overheat-
ing," said Jeff Petee. "It's something a parent really 
doesn't want to hear. It's a heck of a message to get from 
your son in Afghanistan." The parents said they were 
eventually able to make contact with their son, who told 
them his phone accidentally redialed their number when it 
was pressed up against his Humvee during the battle. Sandie 
Petee said Phillips, who is in the Army's military police, 
is expected to come home at the end of his tour next month. 

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--------- Coffin painted like Pabst beer can -----------

SOUTH CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill. - A South Chicago Heights, 
Ill., man who says he wants his death to reflect his 
life has purchased a casket designed to look like a huge 
can of his favorite beer. Bill Bramanti, 67, said the 
casket, for which he paid $2,000 to have decorated like 
a giant can of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, was designed to 
function as a beverage cooler until its owner is ready 
to be put into the grave, the Southtown Star of Tinley 
Park, Ill., reported Monday. "I'm going to use it as a 
cooler until I really need it," Bramanti said. "You see, 
I'm going to get my money's worth. Hopefully I get to 
use it many times." Bramanti said he revealed the unusual 
coffin to his family during a mock-wake at his house. He 
said the event featured family members drinking cans of 
Pabst from the ice-filled casket. "I wouldn't expect 
anything less for my dad," said Bramanti's daughter, 
Cathy, 42. "He's a man that loves to entertain. He likes 
it when people are happy. This is what he does." 

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world 
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural.  Get The 
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..  
Bizarre Uncensored

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

IED eh? We all know how this works. Unless it has a name, 
the drug companies can't sell you an expensive drug to treat 
it. Now we can just sit back and wait for the advertising to 
kick in. -Jim d.
[Now! For parent's of IED sufferers... Leather Belt(TM). 
Does your child exhibit irrational, anti-social and violent 
behavior? Try regular, weekly doses of Leather Belt(TM). 
Leather Belt(TM) has been proven to curb these symptoms 
in hundreds of test cases. And now Leather Belt(TM) is 
available to you. Ask your juvenile corrections officer if 
Leather Belt(TM) is right for your child.]


And here I always thought Intermittent Explosive Disorder 
had to do with running to the bathroom. 
[No, no, you're thinking of IBS.]


Just another label to further dope up society and give 
irresponsible people something to blame other than their 
own substandard behavior. People are too lazy to teach 
discipline, courtesy and responsibility to their kids and 
instead let TV and video games teach them. Dr. Spock 
started this mess and our politicians embraced it with 
laws creating the ever growing class of doped up pharma-
ceutical junkies.
[Damn him and his insufferable Vulcan logic.]


Lewis, Your comment about Susan Lefevre was simply grotesque. 
"Psychopath" I think not. So she sold some drugs when she was 
19. Big deal, it's not exactly a violent crime. She lived in 
hiding for  32 years, that's worse than the sentence she had 
in the first place. It's clear the life she lived is an ex-
ample of what we would hope would be what the prison's call 
"reform". Sending her to prison now is going to accomplish 
exactly what? Think about it... Mike
[This is what happens when you take reading comprehension 
out of testing requirements in public schools.]


I think you protest too much.  Critizize the nineteen year 
old. Not the 42 year old.  I bet you dislike smoking babies 
crying in church and baseball players scratching.
[Absolutely I dislike that! In fact, I don't think babies 
should smoke anywhere...but especially not in church.]


Lewis, regarding the bizarre foods, I've been to Congee, 
and it's actually a pretty mainstream restaurant (it's also 
closer to East Village than Chinatown).  Goose intestines 
are not that far fetched when it comes to food.  I've con-
sumed snake, bear, mountain lion, armadillo, frog, snail, 
sea cucumber, abalone, turtle, and shark.  As for intestines, 
I've had pig, cow, and sheep.  However, to wit, I've never 
eaten any testicles. -Dave
[I really never imagined I'd write or say anything like this, 
but having tried both I definitely prefer testicles.] 

------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? 
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis 
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