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          ;-)  ;-)  GREAT SEXpectations  ;-)  ;-)   
        Your daily guide of sensual satisfaction for   
                   Friday, July 4, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:  

This just in: men LOVE foreplay, too! A letter from a male
reader in last week's reader comments detailed how his wife
was ready to go for intercourse, but wasn't that interested
in foreplay. Our male reader indicated he missed the foreplay
and wanted to know if others felt the same way. And do you
ever! Tons of you wrote in to sing the praises of kissing,
touching, rubbing, licking, squeezing...you get the idea.
In fact, some even said intercourse can get boring without
foreplay! Okay, now I'm giving away too much. I'll let you
read the rest for yourself.

Plus, how do you properly prepare and clean yourself for
anal play, guest sex stories, how to get your partner to 
reciprocate oral sex, and more!

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Today's Topic: Reader Comments

Carmen,

How do I get my husband to give me oral sex? He has only 
tried it once and said he just didn't like it. Of course, I 
loved it! We have been married almost seven years and I feel 
soooo cheated. He loves when I go down on him; why can't or 
won't he do the same for me? Do any of your readers have 
suggestions for me that may help him give it to me, too?
[Try stressing the positives so that it validates his skill.
Tell him how good it made you feel, how good he was at it, 
etc. Then probe (sorry, bad pun!) for more details about spe-
cifically what he didn't like. You can work with concrete 
answers, but generalities won't suffice. You both deserve to 
be pleased. Readers, we don't have a lot of info to go off 
of here, but do you have suggestions?]

Carmen, 

I'm curious about anal sex. I have wanted to try it, but am 
afraid I won't be clean down there. How does one prepare for 
anal sex? Enemas? Signed, Curious me 
[The most practical advice I can give you is to not engage 
in anal play if you have had a bowel movement recently or 
remotely feel like you will need to go. Don't have anal
right after eating! Also, just clean the anus and practice
good hygiene (ie, wipe thoroughly). This might all sound
obvious, but some people overlook these points...Remember,
though, that we ARE talking about the anus, so every once
in a while either of you has to expect some residue. Readers,
any other advice?]

                 [Re: Do you enjoy foreplay?]

Carmen,

That's funny because that's exactly how I feel. My wife and I 
have not actually made out since we were trying to get preg-
nant with our first and we now have 3....When she wants some 
she wants it NOW, and when its just for me... she just wants 
to get it done. I would personally like an hour or more of 
foreplay most of the time. I have found I can kinda trick her 
into foreplay without her realizing it is foreplay for me... 

I do this by having a ladies first policy that way whatever 
i do for her just turns me on more. The downside is it's not 
actually a two way street, its just me touching her...Oh well... 
Don't know how we keep getting pregnant...

Carmen,

ok. I have got to say something here. I HAVE SO BEEN THERE!!  
I am the type of person, that for me, yes, I try to pleasure 
my woman as much as I can. I am not all about wam bam, thank 
you mam. I take my time, doing things I know she likes, and 
half the time, I don't let her touch me first. but as far 
as just walking past each other, and touching, and other 
things like that? hell yes I like that type of thing. I have 
been in relationships where all the woman wants to do is say, 
"lets have sex." and only wants missionary position.  

Sorry but, YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN and did I say YAWN?  I like to 
try different things. I like to experiment. I like to find 
out what she likes, and what she don't. there has got to be 
things like foreplay in a relationship, or the sex is so bor-
ing, that it just feels like that most hated house chore that 
you are dreading getting done, but you do it, cause you know 
it needs done. this is just my thoughts on the matter.

Carmen,

I am a 21 year old male, and for me foreplay is one of the 
funner aspects of sex. Just having intercourse alone would be 
extremely boring! Now I am not saying that the occasional 
quickie isn't fun, but I like long drawn out sessions. Be-
sides, the longer you spend before actual intercourse the 
more anticipation is there and thus better sex!

Carmen,

At the age of 54, I didn't expect to be as sexually active 
as I am. The fact is that I'm not always hard right away, and 
foreplay is a wonderful part of the whole experience. I go 
down on her. and she gets all excited, and that gets me ex-
cited, and THEN sex is great. Or she goes down on me, and 
takes her time, and THEN sex is great.

Carmen,

First off, I'm a 71 year old Male. Men and women BOTH need 
foreplay. Most women need about 20 minutes of foreplay, for 
their bodies to get ready. When the woman performs foreplay 
on her male partner, it makes it more exciting, and more 
pleasurable for him. The older the male gets, he needs long-
er foreplay to help him get a bigger and harder erection. So 
far, I'm lucky, and don't need Viagara, but I need more stimu-
lation before we start to have intercourse. The longer the 
foreplay, the better orgasms I have. The more time I spend 
with foreplay on my wife, the better the sex. I think men 
MUST tell their lovers to spend more time on foreplay. Thanks 
for your articles,

                       [Re: Guest Sex]

Carmen,

You better believe it! Beloved and I were spending a week at 
my mom's house. Dad had recently died so we were spending some 
extra time there. We'd about decided to go for it the next 
night, when mom asked would we leave the bedroom door open - 
not because she was either a prude or a perv, but because she 
said the sound of our snoring made the house feel less empty. 
(by the way, I give her great credit for assuming that her 
daughter and her daughter's female spouse would be sleeping 
in the same bed to begin with).  

We, of course, agreed. So, now we have mom right across the 
hall, both her door and ours open. Beloved's a noisy one, too, 
and while I normally love it, that clearly wasn't going to 
work this time. Didn't stop us, though. Having to be complete-
ly, totally silent got her so worked up it ended up being a 
round of very, very memorable lovemaking. The thrill of the 
possibility of getting caught, being in a different place, 
having to concentrate more than usual to stay quiet - combined, 
it's a pretty potent combination.

Carmen,

I've actually have been on both sides of guest sex, had guests 
at house and have been a guest, my best experience was being 
a guest at my aunt and uncle's house. My husband and I were 
not married yet and we were visiting them, they are very 
religious and made us sleep in separate rooms. We were not 
very happy about it but we made do. When everyone was asleep 
I snuck into his room and we did the deed on the floor. The 
next morning was Sunday and when they went to church, we made 
a run for the shower and enjoyed ourselves again.  

Carmen-

OMG! Carmen this is THE BEST TIME for sex for my partner and 
I. I don't know, I guess the "fear" of getting caught or 
heard or something?? Goes back to the dating phase of making 
out and not getting caught by my parents..We really experience 
some fantastic orgasm and a case of the giggles when one or 
both of us gets a little involved and moans out loud. My honey 
actually put his hand over my mouth to quiet me, and I REALLY 
got excited then. To each their own! I am looking forward to 
other's comments here...

Carmen,

I read your article on guest sex with interest as I could 
identify with it excepts that my wife & I don't have a problem 
with guest. Our problem is living in a small house with 3 teen-
agers. During the school year it is usually not a problem for 
us as I am semi-retired & my wife being a substitute teacher 
sometimes leaves time during the day when the kids are in 
school. In the summer however it's a different story as it is 
often hard (no pun intended) to have the house to ourselves as 
there is almost always one of the kids around. As one or both 
of us have to get up in the morning late nite fun is not always 
an option. 

Sometimes it can be weeks before we get the opportunity how-
ever if there is one thing you are right about all that wait-
ing almost makes it worthwhile. Talk about fireworks! If it 
happens to be night we wait until everyone is asleep & use 
the kissing technique to stifle our moans & audible sounds 
of excitement. You were also right about the forbidden sex 
part. My wife & I are no youngsters for sure but @ times like 
this we feel like teenagers ourselves.

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           [Re: Vanilla Sex letter from last week]

Carmen,

Men aren't the only ones that have any of the problems 
addressed in your column today. I thought someone was read-
ing my mind. I have been married for 10 years and for 6 of 
those years it has been totally sexless. There was a time 
that I thought I could live with it but I don't think so any-
more. I have never cheated, and never wanted to before now.  
I finally realized that it is time to leave this relationship.  
Good sex won't make a bad relationship good but no sex can 
kill a soso relationship real fast. In talking with others 
and counselors I find that the lack of sex is an indicator of 
lack of intimacy in a relationship.  

If the problem were medical it would be a little different.  
He will stay on the computer all night and look at porn. I 
too have suggested that we watch together, he would be to 
embarrassed is his response. I don't understand that one, I 
am not a prude and believe that anything between consenting 
adults goes as long as both are ok with it. I have tried 
finding out what his fantasies are and he can't talk about 
those either. He gets extremely pissed if he realizes that 
I have been masturbating. The bottom line is one who is that 
selfish in the bedroom is usually that selfish in every as-
pect of the relationship. I have raised my kids and don't 
want to raise another.

To the men that wrote in, I understand your fears about the 
debt. That is what has kept me here for the past few years.  
Trust me there are women out there in every age range that 
are not afraid of sex or anything to do with it. Look around 
if you are not into an extramarital affair then you have some 
decisions to make. Are you willing to live this way for the
rest of your life? if not then you need to decide what you 
can live with.

----------------

Thank you to all those who shared their questions, stories,
and advice this week. I genuinely appreciate all your heart-
felt missives. My heart goes out to readers like the letter
above and I often share these so many of you know you are
not alone. *Big Carmen Hugs* Have a wonderful holiday, every-
one, and get busy making fireworks of your own!!! As always, 
I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   


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