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Publication: Great Sexpectations
What do you do to your partner

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        Your daily guide of sensual satisfaction for   
                Wednesday, April 30, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:  

Before we highlight today's topic, I want to remind you, my
dear Great SEXers, that tomorrow kicks off Masturbation 
Month! I know, it's the month you've been waiting for, but
you know what's coming next (ha! no pun intended): I need
your most embarrassing masturbation stories for our annual
list! STAT! Now on to today's show...

Readers often express that they feel silly, inadequate, and/
or vulnerable trying to talk dirty to their partners. The
same people have a desire to get a little raunchy in the 
boudoir but ask how to tip their toes in the water before
totally diving in. Carmen to the rescue.

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Today's Topic: What Do You Like to Do to Your Partner?

Let's use the topic headline as inspiration: what do you like
to do about your partner? Today's topic is not about talking
dirty, but how to get comfortable with certain language. We
will specifically discuss this in the writing realm. Before
we begin, though, please know that it takes a lot of courage
for some people to use risque language, and if your partner
attempts to go there, be supportive and go with it - even if
it is so out of character and makes you want to giggle. You
never know when a single snicker will make your partner re-
treat. And that's the exact opposite of what we want, right?

Instead of jumping into talking dirty during the act, try
writing a story or letter to your partner. This can be some-
thing you end up giving to him/her or you can keep it for
yourself. Side note: men and women like to read/hear differ-
ent things in erotic stories. Men generally like more action,
while women tend to like scenarios (similar to porn prefer-
ences). 

If you are just starting out, think of a situation that would 
turn you on, and start writing about it. This can be a whole 
scenario with you and your partner driving home one night, 
getting a flat, and having to fix it together, which turns 
into sex on the hood of the car. Or, it can be a paragraph 
devoted to describing a blow job. Better yet, it can be a 
scenario in great descriptive detail that combines both. 

The point is for you to write whatever comes to mind; this is 
your fantasy. Again, YOU decide if you show it to anyone, so 
you can get as explicit or raunchy as you want. And, overall,
you want to become more comfortable with using certain words
like "cock" and "pussy" (or whatever you choose to call 
genitalia). This, in turn, could lead up to you sharing said
story with your partner either by reading it aloud or acting
it out. It really is up to you.

Let's get specific. Brainstorm for a minute and ask yourself
the following questions: What about your partner turns you
on? When you masturbate, what are you thinking about? Are 
there certain themes or patterns that always get you off? What 
do you like to do to your partner to get aroused? What do you
like to do most with your partner? What fantasies do you have
that you could translate into this story or letter? Now that
you have a starting point, your imagination is your only
barrier. Hint: you know you are on the right track when you
start getting turned on while writing :)

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                            * 

Again, if you are just starting out, you might be a little
shy about using words that you might consider "gross" or
"dirty". But please know that there is nothing wrong with
expressing your sexuality, especially in the safety zone of
your mind, your own notebook, or with a partner you trust. 
This is your chance to let loose in your own story. Take 
baby steps if you want. Write a couple sentences and take 
a break. But go back to it and try it some more. I promise
if you give it a try it will be way more fun (and erotic)
than you might have thought. Give it a chance! And, of 
course, let me know the outcome! As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   


*********************WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP**********************

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Vanity Fair recently published a report claiming that US 
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