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                 Friday, March 28, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:  

TONS of you responded to both issues this week. I perused all
the letters regarding long-distance relationships and chose
two that represent very opposite viewpoints. Plus, many pro-
vided insight on how to help women orgasm, including a male
perspective. That's not all! Don't miss the last letter about
doggy style, and the Letter of the Week! I won't even give you
a sneak peek - you have to read it for yourself. But just make
sure to tell me your reaction. Let's get started...

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Today's Topic: Reader Comments

                    [Letter of the week:]

Dear Carmen I love your column,

Let me first sate that I am a Metrosexual male who has been 
happily married for ten years. Me and my wife are very into 
looking good for each other. Thus our diets are very strict 
and we excise diligently, and have done so for years. As a 
result, we both have bodies that could go on the cover of 
any fitness magazine.  
The benefits to this is a great love life... since we met 
ten years ago the sex between us has been none stop. One of 
the biggest reason for this is the very thing that everyone 
teaches us is wrong... and that thing is -- vanity. let's 
face it, we as human beings are very much into look.  

Which brings me to my next point, and this concerns you guys 
out there.  Men are sexual morons".  Here is an eye opener 
guys: you wouldn't  hear...not tonight dear I have a head-
ache - from your girlfriends or wives if you guys gave your 
wives/girlfriends some eye candy to look at. .i.e. a sexy 
well sculptured figure. In other words guys: If you want 
your wives or girlfriends to look like a playboy centerfold. 
Then you should look like the male version of one. Leaving 
all of the eye candy burden on your wives or girlfriends is 
not fair.  It's no wonder a lot of women out there today have 
such crappy figures -- and you know what, I don't blame them.  
Guys have had crappy figures for centuries and gotten away 
with murder, now it's the ladies turn.


I just wanted to write and put a male perspective on the 
situation where the young lady's significant other is insens-
itive to her inability to orgasm during sex. Today's entertain-
ment always has the woman orgasming every single time. That's 
a whole lot of pressure on a guy. Seriously. One way to 
alleviate some of the stress is to vocalize the pleasures you 
are receiving during sex. I don't mean actual sentences.  
Moans, sighs, little exclamations, and the like can go a long 
way in showing a guy that you enjoy what he is doing. My wife 
only orgasms if there is clitoral stimulation, so we use a 
small vibe that is placed so that she can grind against it 
while being penetrated. It appeases one side of the pride 
coin, but then the other side gets anxious because she needs 
a little extra oomph. Communication, people.  

Dear Carmen, 

When I saw this letter, I felt I had to respond. Though I am 
a very sexual and sensual person NOW and though I thoroughly 
enjoy sex, both intercourse and oral NOW, and though I almost 
always (at least 8 out of 10 times) have an orgasm during sex 
NOW...trust me, it was not always like this. 

I was what was terms a late-blooming, having not lost my 
virginity until 21 and, while I always enjoyed the actual act 
of sex itself, I never knew that big "O" feeling, that over-
the-top, mind-blowing, just completely let go orgasm until 
much, much later when I was dating a guy that I was completely 
comfortable with and could completely be myself with. I rea-
lize now that, in the past, I had always held some part of 
myself back whether it was self-consciousness or what I don't 
know. But until I was able to completely & utterly be myself 
and trust my partner and get to the point where I knew I could 
literally say or do anything with him w/o him judging me or 
thinking I'm stupid, only then was I able to completely let 
go and let the wave of orgasm hit me and wash over me fully. 
It was absolutely amazing! 

To the "non-orgasming girl" I would just tell her that I think 
her BF is a jerk for taking it so personally as to make her 
uncomfortable and self-conscious about having sex. As you 
stated, he is insecure about his abilities and is lashing out 
at her and that is the exact opposite of what she needs. I 
also agree with you on having a "major makeout session" and 
about him performing a good amount on oral on HER before they 
get into what HE wants.  When my BF goes down on me, sometimes 
it takes me a good 10 min or so to get full charged and able to 
climax, so he needs to spend some time making sure she's fully 
charged before thinking of himself. Thanks. Love your column. 

Dear Carmen,

I just read the letter from the 21 year old woman who had not 
had an orgasm, yet. And I stress the word yet. I wish her 
boyfriend would lighten up on her. I don't know how much 
experience her has had but it doesn't sound like he knows best 
how to please her. She may have to learn more about her own 
body and what feels good, as you expected, but sensitive car-
ing guy would enjoy helping her with that!

I don't know why there is so much talk and concern about 
orgasms. It doesn't have to happen every time. It was a long
time for me before I had my first one but then it was easy.  
But up until that time, I still felt good. Even foreplay can 
be an end in itself. The important part is being with the 
right guy and it he is it, it will all work out. I don't 
think the right man would jump up and take a shower and then 
make her feel self-conscious. Doesn't she know there are no 
frigid women, only clumsy men? I believe that we are all 
responsible for our own sexual satisfaction (I don't mean 
masturbation) by being open and communicative buy a partner 
can and should be attentive, too and care about making her 
feel good, not so focused on himself. He might find out how 
great it is if her tried that!

Dear Carmen,

Ive written to you before but this is in answer to todays 
column 3/24.As you said not every woman orgasms through pene-
tration and you need to know your body for sexual and health 
reasons. I'm taking a human sexuality class for school. My 
term paper is actually on this topic orgasms. I think a good 
book to recommend to the person who wrote you is The Elusive 
Orgasm, A woman's guide to why she cant and how she can orgasm 
by Vivienne Cass. Another thing Ive been subscribing to this 
ezine for a few years now but I dont remember ever seeing any 
information on the types of orgasms men and women can have. 
In the research for my term paper I found out that there are 
10 Different ways for women to have orgasms and 7 different 
ways for men. The book I found this in is The Big O by Lou 
Paget. I hope this helps.I also wanted to know is there such 
a thing as "faking it" for a man. I saw in a book that it 
mentions that men can fake it but I asked someone and they 
were totally against believing a man could fake.  thanks
[Yep! Men can fake it, too.]

Hi Carmen,

Your recent newsletter regarding LDRs really hit home for me.  
I was in an LDR for a little over four years. (We're about to 
celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary.) We had an addit-
ional problem added to our relationship- there was a very large 
ocean separating us. We chatted online every evening, spoke 
on the phone at least twice a month, and wrote letters/post-
cards often. I won't lie and say it was easy. We hated to 
part at the airport. I was lucky in that I was able to spend 
a large part of the summer with my sweetie. During those 
months, we really got to know each other, and see if we were 
truly compatible. It was hard not getting to spend holidays/
birthdays together, but we always set aside a time on those 
days to talk on the phone.  

We sent presents through the mail, and watched each other 
open them via the webcam. It's my opinion that we've learned 
not to take our relationship for granted.  We worked too hard 
to get where we are. We made lots of sacrifices in order to 
merge our lives. We don't bicker over silly things. We have 
an extreme amount of love and respect for each other. My hus-
band knows it was the hardest thing for me to leave my friends, 
family, and everything I'd ever known. But, at the end of 
the day, our relationship makes it all worthwhile.  We're 
basically just thrilled to be in the same time zone. :)

An LDR isn't much different from a 'regular' relationship.  
You still have to tend to it, nurture it, keep things from 
getting stale and whatnot. You have to be mindful of the 
other person when you are apart. Conduct yourself as though 
your partner is at home waiting for you. I went out with my 
friends, as did he, but we never did anything to jeopardize 
our relationship. That's where the trust comes in. And, 
there again, trust is key to any relationship. Thanks, Carmen, 
for giving LDRs a mention in your newsletter. London loves ya!

Hi Carmen,

After reading your column on long distance relationships, I 
had to respond. I live in Minnesota, my love lived in Texas.  
We met “by chance” online. Not a dating service, on a web 
site message board devoted to music. We instantly hit it off 
and became friends and started trading emails and getting to 
know each other. It was more of a friendship at first then 
anything romantic, but it slowly grew and soon we were close 
and started calling each other. He was a musician and I hosted 
a website devoted to the kind of music we liked. I even helped 
him and his band launch a website.  

He often talked about moving north, but I knew he would hate 
it as much as I hated the thought of moving to Texas, yet he 
talked more of moving north then I did of moving south. At 
first the “honeymoon” period as you put it was great. We’d 
have long phone conversations that soon escalated into very 
sexy conversation. I have to admit, it was wonderful and I 
had no doubts I was truly in love with him. The one thing 
about not being physical with someone and only talking to 
them, you really get in their heads and get to understand 
them. I felt we had a better understanding of each other 
only because we talked more then any couple I knew. We 
talked about our past, our dreams and what we want in the 

This went on for a about a year. As you noted, trust had a 
big play in our relationship. We did make plans to get toget-
her as much as we could, but it was tough with our schedules 
and financially it was hard too. Also it was taking its toll 
on us physically. We both wanted to be together but of course 
it was impossible to be as much as we wanted to as fun as 
phone sex can be, it’s not the same. He broke it off after a 
year, and then a few months later we got back together. The 
on/off thing went on for another year. He only admitted one 
infidelity to me, but I do wonder if there were more. I knew 
I wanted him and had no interest in other men, but after awhile 
I knew it was fruitless and today we are friends and he is 
engaged to a woman where he lives. I only wish him happiness, 
and yes I still love him very much but know it’s never going 
to work.  I don’t regret our time together. He changed my life 
and I will be forever grateful to him.

I no longer think LDR are good things and tell people that 
if someone doesn’t move within the year, then move on.  Most 
of the time I discourage it and tell them why. I feel after 
the three years I spent waiting on someone gives me the experi-
ence to warn others. Signed, Loved and learned in Minnesota

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In reply to the gal who likes it on the edge of the bed with 
her partner standing up. We also like it on the edge, both 
doggy and with her legs over my shoulders. She has a nice ass 
so you know how I'm voting. But when she flips over, I gently 
put my hands on the flat of her stomach and massage her clit 
with my thumbs. This drives her nuts! So now you know how she's 
voting. Generally these elections result in very pleasant ties. 
Sometimes we even demand a re-vote! Anyhow, give it a try and 
see if it works for you.  


I wanted to end this week's reader comments issue on a very
positive note :) Thank you to everyone who responded with 
their experiences and advice. The "metrosexual male's" letter
is a nice lead-in to an issue we will discuss next week - 
how, when, or if you should tell your partner to lose weight. 
On that note, have a wonderful weekend, everyone! As always, 
I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   

*********************WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP**********************

              CBS Exposes Hillary Clinton Lie 

In this clip, CBS exposes Hillary Clinton's false statements 
about a trip to Bosnia in 1996. Do you think Clinton misspoke, 
misremembered, or just lied?  


Viral Videos on the Net at EVTV1.com
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