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                  Friday, March 21, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:  

I have an incredible batch of letters for you today! They 
include sexual incompatibility and antidepressants, loneli-
ness within a relationship, women shaving their most delicate
area, how to start a threesome, re-enter the dating scene,
doggy style, and more. Let's kick things off with the Letter
of the Week!

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Today's Topic: Reader Comments

                   [LETTER OF THE WEEK:]

Hi Carmen. Well my husband & I have an ongoing problem with 
our sex life. We are 38 & 39 years old with two children aged 
5 & 7. My husband's sex drive is amazing. He wants it every 
day as I am totally satisfied with 1 or two times a week. I 
am a stay at home Mom and am tired all the time. It isn't 
that I don't love my husband because I Love him very much 
and find him very attractive! He says he wants "passion" not 
just quickies. I know he loves me as he tells me every day 
but there is tension between us as I'm just not in the mood 
as often as he is. 

I feel that it's just a busy time in our lives with the kids 
and his on call work schedule and it will get better later 
when we get a little more "us" time. Am I wrong to think it 
will get better? We are kind of frustrated as it's been an 
ongoing argument since we had the kids! Oh yeah - I forgot 
to mention that I have been on anti depressants since the 
birth of our second child. That must factor into it some-
where. Help! we need some advice! Thanks for your time...
[Thank you for sharing this. There are SO many people going
through your exact situation. First, please know that anti-
depressants can cause a decreased libido; consider consulting
your doctor because different antidepressants might not affect

Secondly, you both have different expectations when it comes 
to your sex life, and you HAVE to find a compromise because 
this WILL have a significant negative impact on your relation-
ship (as you are already experiencing). If he wants it every 
single day and you once a week, a fair compromise would be 
2-3 times, but with concentrated effort on passion, as he 
requested. However you compromise, you both have to be satis-
fied with the arrangement. Third, what else is going on in 
your marriage? Do you feel supported? Romanced? Appreciated? 
All of these factors influence sexual desire as well. I wish 
you the best.]


I love to read your emails just as you love to read ours (the 
readers). I have been with the same guy now for nine years.  
I am only soon to be 24 years old and we just bought ourselves 
a house together within the last two years. We are not married 
and nor do I ever want to be with him. At least that is how I 
feel right now. We have grown so far apart and I am miser-
able. It feels as though we are just roommates anymore, not 
even friends with benefits. I'm not really attracted to him 
anymore and it feels like he isn’t attracted to me as well.  

I have tried on more than a hundred occasions to talk to him 
about all of this but it seems like he does not really care. 
He continues to say he loves me, but again, it feels as though 
we are just roommates. I long to be with anyone else but him, 
yet at the same time I cannot afford to leave. I do have some-
one else that is perfect for me on an emotional level but he 
lives 19 hours away from me. I am working full time, trying 
to finish my degree, and try to keep up with life. I just 
don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so alone. I would 
love to know that there are more people out there like me. I 
know it's not a healthy place to be but it would be somewhat 
of a comfort. You asked us our opinion on what type of issues 
we would like as readers to read about. Well, I would love 
to hear your advice with those of us having strong emotional 
issues with the lack of physical attention included. Thanks 
for listening

[Hugs. I can tell how upset and lonely you are. At first I
would have said that it's good to recognize that you love
someone as a friend, but not as a lover. However, it does not
sound like there is much of a friendship even left here. You
sound like you know what you want - to not be with him, but
feel stuck. I know you are struggling right now with school
and work, but exhaust all avenues - can you move in with 
family, friends, post a sign at school for a roomate? Any of
these options would be better than living with someone you
don't want to be with. Many people in college get roommates,
and it would be temporary. You've been with him for a very
long time, but it sounds like you know the relationship has
come to an end. Take care of yourself.]


As I'm recently divorced (after almost 14 years of marriage), 
I'd like to hear about re-entering the dating scene. I'm hop-
ing I've got a number of the other issues handled (e.g. mis-
matched in areas.......know your partner well and choose her 
carefully), but feel unprepared to get back into dating. I 
have no clue what it's about now (last time I hunted for a 
date was 1989!). Thanks for the helpful emails!

Hi Carmen, 

The couple times that I've participated in doggy style with 
my BF, I have had the problem that the thrusting thrusts air 
into me too. So as well as getting a bit uncomfortable, I'm 
so focussed on trying to get it out again with every thrust 
so that it doesn't build up, that I can't concentrate on the 
good sensations. Do you or readers have any tips or suggest-
ions to avoid this? My BF is keen to try again, but I've been 
resisting because it wasn't as enjoyable for me as other 
positions. However with some tips I'd certainly be willing 
to try again. Interesting newsletter, thanks for all the 
topics, discussions and tips!

Hi Carmen;

I have a question that I haven't seen answered yet; after my 
husband and I finish making love, he will pull me over on his 
shoulder and "cuddle" me, but won't talk at all; if I say 
anything, he just says "yes" or "no". I know, from previous 
lovers before I was married, that this intimate talk time is 
very nice, and I always loved it! Is there a way I can get 
him to give me this? I've told him it is important to me, 
but he says he is always too sleepy for talk after making 
love. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks, A loyal reader 

Dear Carmen,

Let me start off by saying that I've enjoyed monogamous re-
lationships throughout my life, as well as some of the best 
sex that I could ever hope for. The one "forbidden fruit" 
that I've yet to "taste" is having two women at the same time 
while they're having each other.... In other words, a classic 
girl-boy-girl threesome.  I've never been able to have a girl-
friend who was the slightest "bi-curious" and the times that 
I've brought up the idea to any of my "straight" girlfriends, 
you would have thought that I asked them to go down on a pony.
I know that it takes "two to tango," but do you have any 
suggestions for a straight woman to try a "menage?"

                  [Re: Women shaving]


I use Veet Rasera, which is a little plastic "razor" that you 
use with a creme. I have sensitive skin, and it doesn't make 
me break out badly like shaving. It is not perfect, but it is 
the best product I have found, and it is painless. 


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Hi Carmen,

This is in response to the woman who asked about shaving. I 
am a natural brunette with very thick hair, including around 
my lady parts. I love to keep things nicely trimmed, but when 
I want to spice things up, a good shave can be fantastic! I 
mostly recommend a hot shower, good lather, and a brand new, 
sharp razor - I find that men's razors work better than most 
women's razors, because they don't have all the cross-wires 
and are much less bulky. Aveda makes an aftershave product 
for women specifically for the bikini area (and beyond) that 
really helps with ingrown hairs and irritation, which I highly 

A word to the wise about waxing: Just before my wedding last 
year, I decided to change things up and try a full wax at a 
salon so I could be perfectly smooth... Although the woman 
was experienced and very patient, we found that my thick hair 
was very resistant to being yanked out! It took over two hours 
to finish everything, during which time I lost several bits 
of skin, bled quite a bit, and ended up with worse ingrown 
hairs afterward than from my regular shaving! Worse, after 
all that, I STILL wasn't completely smooth, and was pretty 
uncomfortable for a lot of my honeymoon! So if you've got 
thick hair like mine, reconsider the wax!


That's a wrap, folks! Please send responses to help the above
readers today. Make sure to put something related in the sub-
ject header. Up next week: A reader's girlfriend has gained
weight since they have been dating, and he wants to know how
to tell her to exercise. This should be interesting. Have a
wonderful weekend, all! As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   

*********************WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP**********************

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Questions? Comments? email us at: 
   email Carmen   
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