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How Do You Handle Monogamy

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                 Wednesday, February 20, 2008
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<%BLOG|How Do You Handle Monogamy%>

A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:  

The idea of remaining "faithful" is one of the most debated
topics here at Great SEX. Some readers feel very strongly
that monogamy is pointless, that we are exposed to so many
different people on any given day that it really is point-
less and impractical. On the other hand, many others also
very strongly feel that without monogamy, you don't have 
the fundamentals for a long-term, honest, and true relation-
ship. Today's article revolves around how YOU handle mono-
gamy and how you define it. I want all the gory details,
people! This article is written to generate discussion and
honest feedback.

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Today's Topic: How Do You Handle Monogamy?

I have been in a monogamous relationship for several years 
now and honestly find it easy. I am in love with my partner,
and he is my best friend. Is this why monogamy is so easy for
me? In all honesty, I truly am not interested in other people.
Of course I notice attractive people, but it usually doesn't
have any effect on me. For me, monogamy is not a challenge,
I don't feel pulled to flirt and engage with other people,
and I don't give people incorrect impressions or put myself
in inappropriate positions. (I am purposely leaving some of
these phrases vague because we each define them differently.)

That all being said, I have many questions for you to ponder.
I discussed this topic with some girlfriends over the week-
end and they said women deal with monogamy way easier. Is
this true? Do you agree? Why or why not? Why is monogamy so 
easy for some, while others struggle? As I said, I am in love 
and in a satisfying relationship, but it's not like we just 
started dating and my head is in the sky, still in the "ga-ga" 
phase. So while I might have thought monogamy is easier in 
the beginning, I almost wonder if it's easier after such a 
bond is established. 

What say you? When do you struggle with monogamy? How often
are you tempted and is that directly impacted by your 
"options"? If you are in a healthy, satisfying relationship, 
do you ever still struggle or is it easy for you? I want real, 
honest answers here, people. We have a tremendous opportunity 
to share genuine responses so we can all learn from one 
another.

How do you define monogamy? Do you equate it with faithful-
ness? What does "cheating" mean to you? Some people define
it as sexual intercourse only, while some include kissing,
flirting, and cybersex. Like I said, we all define these
things differently. Monogamy to me means no inappropriate
physical contact with other people. This might sound vague
to you, but my partner and I agree on what this means to
us. That's the whole point - you have to define these things
TOGETHER.

What about emotional flirting or relationships? Where do you
draw the line in the sand? Is it okay to flirt AT work, but
not take it to the next level with lunches or dinners? When
do you know when to back off? When you look forward too much
to seeing or talking with someone? Do you struggle with any
of this? Many people say the guiding principle to their be-
havior is the notion that they would not do anything they
would not be comfortable with their partner doing. These 
boundaries are also where trust comes in. You have to trust 
that your partner knows what is respectful to you and your 
relationship and will not cross whatever boundaries you have 
established. If you don't have trust, then all the talks of 
boundaries mean nothing. 

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I really want to hear your nitty gritty details, people! I
specifically want to know WHEN you struggle with monogamy.
Are you tempted even if you are in a happy relationship? How
do you handle the temptation? Is it easy for you? Does the 
length of time with your partner impact your answers? Send 
me your details! Try to keep your replies succinct so I can 
include as many as possible. Now go talk amongst yourselves! 
As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   


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