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          ;-)  ;-)  GREAT SEXpectations  ;-)  ;-)   
        Your daily guide of sensual satisfaction for   
                 Friday, February 15, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:  

Say you are bicurious and declare your inner most thoughts
to your boyfriend, who is now more than willing to help you
in your quest. So willing, in fact, that he now has a woman
lined up for the two of you to play with. But now you are
worried that he might like her more or in a different way.
Do you go through with the threesome? That is the exact
conundrum facing one of our readers today. Everyone write
in with advice and insight! 

That's not all! I included a smattering of responses to our
Fighting Part I article this week. The missives really vary
in advice, and I appreciate that we can help each other with
so many different perspectives! I will throw in my two cents
next week in Fighting Part II.

                            *   
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Set includes:
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                            *   

Today's Topic: Reader Comments

Carmen,

I happened to notice a common thread with the responses you 
posted in the newsletter... it seemed that men referred to a 
sexually confident woman in terms of not being the type to 
bring home to mom, or considered for a lasting relationship. 
Guys, that's the idea! We don't want to meet your mom and we 
don't want the work & headache of a successful relationship. 
Between the chores, the kids, work and friends a lot of us 
just don't want more responsibility. We want one selfish, 
exquisite act that doesn't lead to heartache or more items 
to add to the list. 

Now I'm not saying that a man who is looking for a long term 
relationship shouldn't be scrutinizing potential women because 
he should... we all should scrutinize the hell out of a per-
son that we are considering for a long term monogamous 
relationship/marriage, but... the guys that would have sex 
with someone without already knowing her relationship intent-
ions, I don't believe are really looking for long term in my 
book. Keep up the good work Carmen!

Dear Carmen,

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now (known 
him for almost 4). We've finally gotten to the point in our 
relationship where we really care about each other a great 
deal. I'm bi-curious and he's completely ok with that. In 
fact he's hoping we can play with another girl together. I 
started looking for a "girlfriend" and only came across other 
couples who are looking for a girl. We talked about it and 
he would be ok with me playing without him (I have met some 
couples on my own but not sure I'd do it). 

Well, in his search of our "girlfriend" a girl contacted him. 
She's only looking for a playmate and not a relationship. 
Being the good man that he is, he told her that's great but 
that he does have a girlfriend and wondered if she'd play 
with both. She's never played with a girl before and may be 
willing to try. He asked me if I was ok with him meeting her 
and I am. He made it clear that he doesn't want something 
like this to cause him to lose me but there is still a part 
of me that worries he may connect with her on a different 
level and he may want her instead of me. For me having fun 
with other people is completely different than how I feel for 
my guy. I just wonder if there are any other couples out there 
that have gone through this and managed (or not) to continue 
as a couple. Maybe you or someone has some advice.

Dear Carmen, 

My girlfriend and I kept different working schedules. I was 
the early bird and I would go to work early. My girlfriend 
would come to bed with me, sometime make love sometimes not. 
She always went to bed with me, I would cuddle up to her and 
when I went to sleep she would get up and do what ever she 
had to do until it was her bed time. I am one that does not 
like to sleep alone. But always she was there when I went to 
sleep and she was there next t me when I woke up. It worked 
out perfectly for the both of us.

Carmen,

I think the best way to handle this is to discuss it at a 
time when the wife is feeling good and the relationship is in 
a good place. The husband can bring up that he notices they 
have the same argument about the same time every month and he 
would like, for both their sakes, to discuss it and see if 
they can figure out a way to resolve it. I don't think bring-
ing up all the things he does is a good idea, but simply say 
he doesn't want to fight and is looking for a solution with 
her. And maybe, he oughta keep track of her cycle and come to
bed early on the PMS nights. :)

Carmen,

It's a power struggle for her. She's already got him trained 
to do everything during relax time in the evenings, but she 
can't seem to train him to submit to concurrent bedtimes. Be-
lieve me, this makes her nuts during the rest of the month, 
too, she just gets angry enough to blow up at "that" time. He 
will never make her completely happy. If he were to somehow 
adjust his natural circadian rhythm to match hers, she'll just 
come up with the next issue to conquer.

carmen,

i am a guy who used to be accused of caring for only myself 
fairly regularly. it hurt me to do it, but what i did was 
stop doing all the little things. phones, dogs, different 
channels, other people, meals, cleaning, she did most of it. 
i stopped washing/brushing her hair, verbally and physically 
complimenting her. i will never forget how much it hurt me to 
do it. when she confronted me about not doing any of the things 
i used to, i simply told her how hurt and upset i was at the 
fact that with me doing all this stuff, she would accuse me 
of only caring for myself; and it had to stop.

Carmen,

I have been there. I am a 45 year old female. Almost 2 years 
ago I was diagnosed as being BiPolar. I had mood swings all 
the time, but the week before my period I was a psycho hose-
beast...like a two headed monster. I can't work now, but when 
I did, I had a "victim" every month. I only realize this 
after a lot of reflection and medication, and therapy. I guess 
what I'm saying is, she should see her doctor and take her 
husband with her if he will go.  A good doctor will get to the 
bottom of this with meds or therapy or both. Love the column!

Carmen,

My husband and I have the same thing. I can usually tell I'm 
about to start when I feel like that. As for how to approach 
her about it, I honestly don't have a great answer.  My hus-
band usually knows what it means and just steers clear for a 
few days, knowing that anything I say will be a result of 
hormones, not logical thinking. It also helps that I can 
tell when it's coming and try to keep my mouth shut on a lot 
of things that I feel. If it's still in my head after those 
seven days, then we will talk about it.  Always better to have 
a conversation when both parties are feeling like themselves.

What I really want to give my advice on is the bedtime issue.  
For a brief amount of time, my husband and I had two com-
pletely different schedules. He would work in the mornings, 
and I did night shift. We never went to bed at the same time.  
But at night, I would always go lay down with him until he was 
asleep. It helped him fall asleep faster to know that I was 
in the bed next to him. It made me feel better knowing that 
I am helping him get a better night sleep.  Once he was tucked 
away, I would slip quietly out the door and read books until 
I was ready for bed. I suggest that the gentleman try this.  

Don't lie to her and say you are going to go to sleep but let 
her know that you want her to be comfortable before she sleeps.  
Let her know that you will be there for as long as it takes for 
her to fall asleep. Once you feel comfortable, you can finish 
your evening as you wish until your bedtime. This may not work 
as well if the other person is a really light sleeper as the 
shaking of the bed as you leave may awaken them. But talk 
with your partner and find something that the two of you can 
agree on.

                            *   
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                            * 

That's a wrap, folks! Who had some yummy Vday sex? Show of
hands - who gave or received ORAL sex? You naughties, you!
If you didn't indulge on Cupid's fave day, get it on this
weekend! And that's a Carmen order. Stay tuned for next week
when we will also discuss handcuffs and scarves. Yeah, you 
know you are interested. As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   

*********************WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP**********************

                      ANGELINA JOLIE

Angelina Jolie is always making the cover of magazines, and 
there's no question why. Because she's beautiful. Come watch 
this tribute to this Hollywood favorite. 

Jolie 

Viral Videos on the Net at EVTV1.com
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------------------------------------------------------------   
Questions? Comments? email us at: mailto:
   email Carmen   
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