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Publication: Great Sexpectations
24 Years of Wisdom

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                 Wednesday, February 6, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:  

Yesterday I accidentally dropped my cell phone in a sink full
of water(!) and thusly had to shop for a new one. As I got
to talking with the salesperson, she told me she has been
married for 24 years. Now, my dear Great SEXers, you know
you are never far from my mind, so of course I asked her if
she had any words of wisdom about what makes a relationship
successful for the long-term. And here's what she said.

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Today's Topic: 24 Years of Wisdom

1. Trust - This was the first relational aspect the lady 
mentioned. Trust is a leap of faith based on a pattern of
consistency and honesty. Without it, the relationship is
pretty much doomed. We never truly know what's going on in
another person's mind; thus, trusting someone can seem like
a leap of faith at times. 

However, if a person's words and actions consistently match 
up, then they prove themselves as trustworthy. If your part-
ner has given you no reason to doubt him/her, then don't. 
While everyone says you should listen to your instincts, know, 
though, that uneasiness is not always based on the other per-
son. Sometimes it's your own insecurity that might have 
nothing to do with partner. 

2. Jealousy - Or, actually, a lack thereof. The kind woman
elaborated that jealousy from time to time is natural, but
if you allow it to become a focal point and impair your
relationship, then, again, the union could be doomed. But 
this is why you need to have trust in your partner and the 
relationship! You have to believe that your partner will 
choose to be loyal to you in every way, every single day. 
Again, if there is no reason to doubt your partner, don't. 
If you allow your jealousy to spiral out of control, your 
insecurities, rage, and paranoia will become the center of 
your life. And if those three aspects are paramount, then 
your relationship isn't.

3. Date Night - We hear time after time that "date night" is
extremely important for a couple. Every week or at least a
couple times a month, the couple should plan an evening of
solitude just for the two of them. This could be dinner and
a movie, dancing, playing games together, or planning to 
cuddle on the couch and veg all night. Whatever it is, the
idea is to be together without pressure of family, chores,
and daily life. I completely agree with this sentiment. The
woman I spoke with, though, cautioned that this is not always
possible when children are in the picture, especially the
first couple of years after a child is born. What say you?
Is "date night" still possible with young children?

4. Friends - It's imperative to keep your friends! When we
first fall in love and establish a fantastic, healthy union,
it's easy to let everything else fall off your radar, includ-
ing your friends. Don't let this happen! As we become more
and more established in relationships and create families, 
it IS often more difficult to carve out time for friends, but
you need to make a conscious effort to make them a constant
in your life. I'm not saying you have to see your best friend
three times a week, but you both need to have time to your-
selves to do your own thing. It's important to cultivate
relationships outside your union. Give each other space to
miss one another! 

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So, my dear readers, what do you think of this sage advice?
I hate to say "I told you so," but I DO talk about these
points every once in a while. But, I realize, that sometimes
it's nice to hear it from an outside source, too. What are
your words of wisdom? What are relationship points you need
advice on? And, hello, what are your Valentine's Day ideas?
It's next week already! Send me your ideas, people. As always, 
I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   


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