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Reader Comments Swings and Strap-ons

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                 Friday, January 11, 2008
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A very warm welcome from Carmen Sutra:   

We have an awesome batch of letters today, if I do say so
myself - not that I can take credit for your emails :) Many
of you emailed your relationship resolutions that reflected
great wisdom and insight, especially our letter of the week.
A male reader reminds us that men need foreplay, too, and
another asks about strap-ons. Plus, a couple is in need of
positions for a sex swing. Come on, Great SEXers, time to
rescue some fellow readers!

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Today's Topic: Reader Comments

                   [LETTER OF THE WEEK!]


My relationship goals are pretty simple, but have a "global" 
effect. When something is bothering me, I ask myself a couple 
of questions. How important is it (in the grand scheme of 
things)? or "Is this the hill I want to die on?" (in other 
words, pick and choose my battles carefully). Is it more 
important to me to be right or happy? Sometimes (probably 
most times) you have to let go of proving yourself to be right, 
and "agree to disagree", for the sake of peace and happiness.  

In the past, I've gotten distracted by needing to be right or 
making an issue out of every little thing. For the past year 
or two, I've re-focused my energy and it's amazing how much 
happier I am. Of course, it still takes two to make a good 
relationship. Perhaps I just finally got lucky with my current 
relationship? I'm 48 years old and it's been a year now in my 
current relationship. It's been the best "relationship year" 
in the 32 years (and several relationships) since I started 
"relating" ;-) Sometimes you really do have to kiss a few 
toads, but you have to take some ownership for your role, too.


what about strap-ons? i never had a lover use one and wanted 
to know what it's like. i really don't like to use condoms 
and thought maybe this could be an alternative to please the 
woman if her man is incapable.


You write about the lack of foreplay as though it is a woman's 
dilemma. Not so. My woman gets aroused some place, some time, 
some how, then walks up to me, grabs me and starts kneading 
me like bread dough. Then she gets pissed because I don't 
respond. Maybe men in her past were on "auto-erection" all 
the time, but I'm not. I've got so much shit going on all day 
long that it takes a little bit to get my mind where it needs 
to be. Grabbing me. Mauling me. Rubbing me raw is not the 

She doesn't understand that. Women need to crawl inside the 
mind of a man at least once to see just what it is that 
actually arouses him. This BS that men are always ready to 
jump in the sack is as factual as the idea that Santa lives 
at the North Pole. It ain't necessarily so.
[Excellent letter, thank you. I think we needed that reminder.] 

Hi, Carmen,

Recently my fiancee and I were having an intimate night and 
he wanted to try "spooning". You know, making love with my 
back to his front and he enters me from behind. I have NEVER 
felt so insecure because I had no idea what to do other than 
lay there. HELP!!! How should a women move in this position? 
[I consistently receive letters like this from people who 
aren't sure how to move in certain positions. Women often 
tell me they don't know what to do when they are on top. The
great thing about sex, though, is experimenting! There is no
one "right" way to move or behave in bed. In the spooning
position, I would encourage your to swivel your bum a little
and push into the thrust, but just go with what feels good. 
That is the bottom line in any position: follow what feels 
good and the orgasm will come. Ha! No pun intended.]


I (and probably a lot of other readers) would love to learn 
some new love swing positions/techniques. I bought a swing 
for me and my wife, but we have exhausted all the positions 
that came with the swing in the manual. And while those 
positions are good, we have kind of gotten bored with the 
ones that we can do since we are a larger couple. any Ideas 
would be most welcome! Thanks
[I can only think of the obvious positions for this one, dear 
readers, so send in your suggestions!!]


I just finished reading your last newsletter and figured my 
"relationship goal" was worth sending in. I have been with 
my partner for 2 1/2 years now and things are very good.  
However, I have a real tendency to be quiet and shy in many 
areas. His birthday is January 20th and I wanted to do some-
thing special for him. I decided the other day that I would 
start a sort of diary over the next two weeks and give it to 
him as a gift of myself. 

I am writing about a lot of those deeper feelings, about areas 
that I think might need more communication, about being thank-
ful and grateful for him. I am not sure yet how open I will 
get, two weeks cover a lot of ground (might include some of 
my personal favorite fantasies)  Writing does leaves you 
pretty open. There is no going back and saying " I did not 
say that!". I have prefaced the letter to him with "I hope 
the end result says I love you, I want to share myself with 
you, to grow with you and to learn with you." It's a worthy 
goal (and I love reading your column)
[That is an incredible and courageous gift. I'm sure he will
appreciate it.]

Great question Carmen... 

I have found as the years add on, my wants and desires seem 
to escalate! Maybe that is due to meeting the perfect man in 
my 50's with both of us out of 25+ year marriages. Goals? 
Resolutions? First, to forget about our ages. Our desires 
are coming from "young thinking" brains, need to continue 
letting our bodies follow. 

Second, going the distance with our thirst to try alternative 
sex fun! Trying bondage started this journey! Using pumps on 
nipples, clit and whole pussy also makes me go from the suit 
wearing business woman to his private whore!! Last goal to 
let my partner have his dream.. sharing me with a friend.. a 
3some for us seniors! You never get older if you keep the sex 
as hot as your dreams!


Very recently a couple moved a few apartments down from me 
and my husband of 2 years. The way they talk to each other 
is atrocious. He expects her to fall into a set gender role, 
while he works and spends no time with his child (really, the 
kid is in bed by the time he gets home, and he leaves before 
the child is up. This isn't work related either, he goes out 
with friends.) And for her part, she is incapable of express-
ing her frustration with his disrespect, so she yells (about 
him even using the bathroom while company is over) and nags 
and throws stuff at him.  

In the few short months they have been our neighbors, this 
problem has just kept escalating.  It is so bad that he even 
asked one of my friends to help his wife with the groceries, 
because he needed to go take a shower!! My husband and I see 
this, and while it is very bothersome, it has made us act much 
more grateful than we used to. We have never had problems, 
but after running into these guys, my husband and I daily 
will sit down together and tell the other person how wonderful 
they have been today. On slow days, it may be as simple as 
me thanking him for working so I can go to school and make our 
baby (I'm pregnant), or he will thank me for walking the dogs 
during the day. Either way, there is always something to say 
thanks for, and that is our new resolution. I never want to 
forget why it is that we are together.


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Thank you to everyone who shared their insight and experi-
ences with me this week. I love and appreciate that many of
you have been reading Great SEX for years and look forward to
many more with you. Aw :) I big puffy heart my readers. And
because this column is for YOU, I want to know what is on your
mind. Many of you have already shared your "topic 2008" ideas,
but I want to hear from everyone. No question or topic is 
too bizarre. Get writing! In the meantime, get busy this 
weekend and enjoy some lovin'. As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,   

Carmen Sutra   

*********************WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP**********************

Obama´s Co-Chair Jesse Jackson Jr. Questions Hillary´s Tears

Jesse Jackson Jr. has questioned why Hillary Clinton cried 
over her appearance and never for other issues in her life. 
Will this become 'teargate'? You will have to make up your 
own mind. 


Viral Videos on the Net at EVTV1.com
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