|Publication: Up Yours!|
Listen up, you pinkos.
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UP YOURS! - Saturday, August 26, 2006
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Dear Mental Orphans,
I want to address a reader comment in detail because clearly
this little bimbo is a naive ignoramus who needs some firm
guidance now, before she becomes a God-damned hippie.
Dear Chadwick--I had an idea I'd like to run past
you. I honestly think that, in the long run, kids
would be better off without indivudual parents.
There is a phrase I've heard "its takes a village
to raise a child" that i think is rather true.
If children were raised in heterogenous groups of
adults, wouldn't it cut down on the next
generations prejudices? Its said a person develops
their personality in the first few years of life.
If children were raised with several differnet
religions to choose from, and exposed to different
classes, races and lifestyles then that of their
parents, wouldn't that make for a more fully
educated and well rounded generation? Just a
And it's a no good, stupid thought, Katie. What you're
describing is Communism and the United States went to
war in both Korea and Vietnam to stomp the ugly head of
Communism into the rice paddies.
The phrase "It takes a village" comes from the title of a
book written by Hillary Rode-hard Clinton. Lord knows where
she or her ghost-writer stole it from. The idea is that a
child's development and what they need to succeed are
inextricably entwined with the society in which they live
and how well it sustains and supports its families and
individuals. In other words, it takes a village to raise a
Does it? I always thought that it takes two parents who love
their child enough to beat the fear of God into him or her
as soon as the child is old enough to crawl.
Statistics abound that children raised outside of a nuclear
family, without a clear role-model in both a mother and
a father, have higher incidences of illiteracy, crime and
teenage parenthood by huge margins.
In his book "The Ten Things You Can't Say In America" author
Larry Elder has this to say about the importance of the
family unit and the damage caused by government subsidizing
"The government, and well-intentioned toe-tag
liberals, arrogantly think assistance programs
replace quality parenting. Raising a child
means an hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-
week, month-by-month, year-by year proposition.
Quality parenting communicates appropriate
behavior by word and by deed. When a child
hears his father's alarm go off, then hears
the old man grunting when he gets up and heads
off to a job, the kid learns. He learns that
sometimes people have to do things they don't
want to do in order to achieve a goal. He
learns that smiling all the time and always
loving a job are unrealistic, but that mature
people do things they have to do rather than
only those things they enjoy doing."
On the other hand, a summary of "It Takes A Village" on
Amazon.com has this to say about the lessons Hillary Clinton
"She [Clinton] doesn't believe that we should, or
can, turn back the clock to "the good old days."
False nostalgia for "family values" is no solution."
So false nostalgia for family values is no solution. The
Heritage Foundation did a study of families on welfare
versus families eligible for welfare but refused to take
it. Among other things the Heritage Report showed that
children born out of wedlock were more likely to engage
in early sexual activity and themselves have children out
The report further stated, "Compared to children living
with both biological parents in similar socioeconomic
circumstances, children of never-married mothers exhibit
68 percent more antisocial behavior, 78 percent more peer
conflict and 53 percent more dependency. Overall, children
of never-married mothers have behavioral problems that
score nearly three times higher than those of children
raised in comparable intact families."
But, let's not bother with cold, hard, irrefutable facts.
Family values are just wasteful nostalgia.
Katie, the bizarre scenario you described in your email is
a fantasy. Communism didn't work on a national scale in the
U.S.S.R. for their economy or their society. What makes you
think it's going to work for the socialization of a child
on a family scale?
If you want greater tolerance of races, lifestyles and
religions the answer is education, not the destruction of
the family unit.
Get your head out of your ass.
I need a drink,
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Dear Chadwick, I was wondering if you get a lot of e-mail
from prudish, puritanical old crones and geezers who are
offended by all of the profanity in your newsletter. Those
kind of people are stupider than a motherfucker. They con-
tinue to read your newsletter even though they find the
curse words highly offensive. --Shirley
[Not generally, because those kinds of people won't sub-
scribe to an ezine entitled "Up Yours!" Usually the title
attracts retarded, horned-up bitches.]
Dear Mr. Chadwick, Thank you for printing an intelligent
article for a change. That case is a perfect example of
how lienency simply begets more heinous acts of delinquency.
Our society better start dealing out appropriate sentences
for crimes such as the one you wrote about or soon we will
have a nation of Chadwicks! God help us all then! --Dave
[I would have just ordered both of them launched through
a windshield at 40 miles-per-hour and called it a day.]
Check it out, last week's column was done buy a Bitch,
LITERALLY, not the usual bitch we're accustomed to reading.
Chadbitch, hmmm, has a ring to it!
[So does your skull when I hit it with a mallet.]
hey man - you are right on the money, if you ever need a
right hand man call me. --Robert
[Call you for what? You keep your right hand to yourself,
Chadwick - Would you mind tying me to your bed spanking me
and fucking me from behind like the slut i am? --Debra
[Mmmm...I don't want to get fleas in my bed. How about if I
tie you to the bumper of my car and beat you with a pitching
wedge? Would that do anything for you? I can stick my putter
up your ass if that would help.]
Dear Chaffed Clit, I'm writing on behalf of the three long-
time subscribers to this newsletter who do not smoke crack
or sniff glue, who actually have a few brain cells left,
and can remember something other than the 1-900 number for
over-sexed pole smokers. If you're going to start with the
re-runs, please let us know....gimme a break you fudge-
packing, son of a whore. --M-Dawg from Cincinnati
[I think your estimate of three is generous.]
hey chad...ya know? savannah has a point. i have a gay
friend who talks just about as shitty as you. it seems like
your "wit" is only acquired in angry fags who think they're
better than everyone else...you fit the bill. --joey
[A guy named joey with gay friends is questioning my sexual
Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick
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End of UP YOURS!
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