Publication: Dear Abby
Daughter Gains Both Weight And Guilt After Mother's Death | |
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ABBY - June 3, 2008
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DAUGHTER GAINS BOTH WEIGHT AND GUILT AFTER MOTHER'S DEATH
ABBY: Before her death, I promised my mother that I would
not get fat like her. Now I'm finding it hard to keep that
promise. Ever since we lost Mama, I have slowly gained a
little each year. I have tried to lose, but all I do is
look at food and I gain.
If this keeps up I'll become the size my mother was. Does
that mean I failed her because I broke my promise? I feel
so guilty. Please help me.
-- JUST LIKE MY MAMA IN TEXAS
LIKE MAMA: The answer is no, so stop feeling guilty. Guilt
has nothing to do with it. It's common for people to gain
weight after 30, and I can confirm from personal experience
that it doesn't happen because anyone "looks" at food.
Weight gain is a form of banking. If we deposit more money
in our saving account than we spend, we have a large
savings account. On the other hand, if we spend more than
save, the account dwindles. It's the same with weight. Eat
more calories than we burn, the result is a fat we-know-
what. To "spend" calories rather than wearing them, a
change in diet and a program of regular exercise are
necessary.
Also, people don't necessarily eat because they are
hungry. Some overindulge for emotional reasons. I
recently received a letter that could be of help to you.
Read on:
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ABBY: I am alive because, in one of your columns, you
provided the contact information for Overeaters Anonymous.
I wrote to the address listed and, within days, received
a friendly note offering support. Like many others with
an overeating problem, I waited more than two years before
going to my first meeting. But that meeting changed my
life. I have been in recovery from compulsive eating for
32 years. My life today is better than I could have ever
imagined.
There are about 6,500 Overeaters Anonymous (OA) groups
in 75 countries. Patterned after the 12-step program of
Alcoholics Anonymous, they offer recovery from compulsive
eating. Because today obesity, with all its attendant
health problems, is acknowledged as an epidemic, I hope
you will again mention OA to your readers. Fellow
sufferers and their physicians are sometimes resorting
to drastic measures to help them lose weight. My life
was saved thanks to this program and the fact your
mentioned it. Thank you.
-- DONNA S. IN TEXAS
DONNA S.: Thank YOU for the timely reminder that for
weight loss, a support group can make the difference
between success and failure. Overeaters Anonymous is
listed in many telephone books and also on the Internet
at http://www.oa.org. It charges no dues or fees, and
no membership lists are kept. There is no shaming, no
weighing in and no embarrassment. Everyone meets on
common ground and is welcomed with open arms into a
fellowship of women and men who all share the same
problem. The only requirement for membership is the
desire to stop eating compulsively.
ABBY: Do you think a person can be taught "common sense,"
or is it something you are born with?
-- CURIOUS
CURIOUS: Common sense is something a person is born with.
I have heard from many people with professional degrees,
but no common sense.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
____________________________________________________________
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