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Things you should never do with a woman.
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LAFF A DAY - Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I just read an article on msn.com about the 18 things a man
should never do in the company of a woman. It was entitled,
'Things a Man Should Never Do in the Company of a Woman.'
I would love to meet the chick who wrote this brilliant bit
of gender libel. Some of the items she included were...
* Reveal how much your car cost.
* Clean your gun.
* Question our footwear.
* Tip less than 20 percent.
* Talk about former exploits. Ever.
* Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it,
scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's
just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure
* Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking
spot, at Bill Belichick. When we hear you raise your voice,
we have an idea of what we're in for.
* Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless refer-
ring to another man.
* Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!)
And I'll tell you why this list is almost complete bullshit,
because the items above just about describe my first date
with the woman who is now my wife (except for the guns).
That was seventeen years ago and she is just as happy now
as the day we were married.
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that
many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
-- Jay Leno
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"Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks
at Ferraris. Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all
buy station wagons." --Tim Allen
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The football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had
so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle
all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell
is your secret?"
So Bubba replies, "Well, Coach, whenever I'm about to have
sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a
hammer. That numbs it and I can screw 'em for hours!"
The coach went home early one day and went to the bedroom.
He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor-
tunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on
His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "That
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END OF LAFF A DAY
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