Publication: Laff A Day
Things you should never do with a woman. | |
Subscribe FREE to Laff A Day by clicking here.
LAFF A DAY - Tuesday, July 8, 2008
*************************************************************
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I just read an article on msn.com about the 18 things a man
should never do in the company of a woman. It was entitled,
'Things a Man Should Never Do in the Company of a Woman.'
I would love to meet the chick who wrote this brilliant bit
of gender libel. Some of the items she included were...
* Reveal how much your car cost.
* Clean your gun.
* Question our footwear.
* Tip less than 20 percent.
* Talk about former exploits. Ever.
* Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it,
scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's
just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure
and satisfaction.
* Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking
spot, at Bill Belichick. When we hear you raise your voice,
we have an idea of what we're in for.
* Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless refer-
ring to another man.
* Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!)
And I'll tell you why this list is almost complete bullshit,
because the items above just about describe my first date
with the woman who is now my wife (except for the guns).
That was seventeen years ago and she is just as happy now
as the day we were married.
Satisfyingly,
TZ
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that
many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
-- Jay Leno
GLASS MAGIC with Microfiber
The Easiest Way To Clean Glass...
Normal Price: $14.99
DEAL PRICE: $5.99
Tired of the hassle of cleaning windows and getting those
stubborn spots off? Now you can clean glass more thoroughly
and easier than ever with the new Glass Magic Cleaning System.
Glass Magic conforms to curved surfaces and gets into those hard
to reach corners for a complete all-around clean like you've
never seen before.
Set Includes: Glass Magic Cleaning Tool, Two (2) Reversible,
Reusable Microfiber Cleaning Bonnets, One (1) Mesh "Grime
Buster" Bonnet, One (1) Plastic Spray Bottle
Best of all the bonnets are washable, reversible and reusable so
you can save money and use the Glass Magic over and over again!
Not only will you clean easier, faster, and more effectively
than before, you will save money by never having to use chemical
sprays and paper towels again! GLASS MAGIC with Microfiber
What is the difference between frustration and panic?
Frustration is the first time you discover you can't do it
the second time.
Panic is the second time you discover you can't do it the
first time.
"Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks
at Ferraris. Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all
buy station wagons." --Tim Allen
Nobody Did It Like Johnny Carson...
Johnny Carson dominated late night television for 30 years.
His charm, wit and talent for bringing out the funniest in
his guests made him a TV icon and a household name. 'The King
of Late Night' celebrates this TV dynasty with four hours of
rare, classic footage from The Tonight Show on two DVD discs.
This Collectible DVD Collection Includes:
- Original, Rare, Live Footage
- Highlights from the classic episode when Dean Martin crashed
the show which is regarded as one of the funniest shows in
television history.
- One whole hour is devoted to Johnny's most popular guests
- The most requested Carson Show ever, the final episode, in
its entirety.
Every minute is filled with laughs and one-of-a-kind, never-to-
be-repeated moments in television history. Get the very best
moments of The Tonight Show with Johnny and Save $5.00. This
two-volume collector's dream is now just $19.99.
Johnny Carson - The King of Late Night Collection
The football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had
so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle
all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell
is your secret?"
So Bubba replies, "Well, Coach, whenever I'm about to have
sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a
hammer. That numbs it and I can screw 'em for hours!"
The coach went home early one day and went to the bedroom.
He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor-
tunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on
the dresser.
His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "That
you Bubba?"
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum. Check it out here... Laffaday Forum
------------------------------------------------------------
*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
------------------------------------------------------------
To see more issues like this visit: Laff A Day Archives
Visit the Laff A Day Website here: http://www.laffaday.com
More FUN and AMUSEMENT sent by email: www.gophercentral.com
____________________________________________________________
END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Laff A Day by clicking here.
|