Publication: Up Yours!
PETA. As sexy as they want to be. | |
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UP YOURS! - Saturday, January 6, 2007
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Dear Anemics,
I just read an interesting story about how Colorado Governor
Bill Owens publicly slammed PETA (People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals) by calling them "a bunch of losers"
and "frauds" and said PETA is, "a strange group of people.
Don't send money to PETA."
As you probably know much of Colorado has been strangled
recently with 18 inches of snow and more with some remote
areas choked by 15-foot snowdrifts making transportation
impossible.
Subsequently, as many as 340,000 cows and steers have been
left stranded and National Guard units are helping ranchers
in a frantic bid to save the freezing animals. Rescuers are
airlifting bales of hay and hoping for the best. But as
Coloradans are learning, PETA isn't about to lift a finger.
Not for those animals, the ones destined to be flame-broiled,
grilled, or roasted.
When asked if they would lend aid to the effort, PETA spokes-
woman Reannon Peterson replied, "You're going to save them,
and then in six months they're going to be killed and end up
on someone's plate. So I don't know that it's really the most
noble cause."
Peterson added that wild animals caught in the blizzard's
wake -- the same animals PETA routinely criticizes hunters
for bagging -- also weren't worth spending PETA's money to
save. "It's an act of God," she said. "There's really nothing
to be done"
Well, I don't really know about that, nor do I care all that
much. In my opinion PETA as a political entity ranks some-
where around the Young Gay Republicans.
But for entertainment purposes PETA is anything but worthless!
In my opinion we should support PETA if only because they
continue to put on these demonstrations where naked chicks
ice skate, and wrap themselves in clear plastic wrap like a
giant, pasty, anemic steak and paint themselves like kitty
cats and lock themselves in cages on street corners.
Now don't tell me that's not worth a few measly donations!
I need a drink,
Chadwick
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum
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><><><><><> CHADWICK'S FAVORITE HISTORICAL INSULTS <><><><><>
"If you ask me, this country could do with a little less
motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem
highly motivated to me. Serial killers, stock swindlers,
drug dealers, Christian Republicans. I'm not sure that
motivation is always a good thing. You show me a lazy prick
lying in bed all day watching TV, and I'll show you a guy
who's not causing any trouble." --George Carlin
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Hey Dipwick, Is that big boobed broad your mama? --Dave
[Yes. My mom is about 24-years-old. Which would make me
about 6. And I'm still your intellectual superior, so fuck
off and die.]
Dear Chadwick; I always have a New Year's resolution to do
something illegal and immoral. I did both on New Year's
Eve. Now I don't have to worry about my next New Year's
resolution till next year. --Nancy
[Have you been molesting household pets again?]
Damn, Chadwick, you really do need to get laid. Or at least
a new blow up girlfriend. --Terry
[What the fuck do you think I've been saying for the last
year!]
I've noticed that you sign off on every UP YOURS! with "I
need a drink." Just out of curiousity, what is your drink
of choice? Recently, a friend of mine turned me on to
Maker's Mark whiskey. Good shit! If you are a whiskey
drinker, try it sometime. --Dave
[Why do you think it's good shit? Does it kill the taste of
cum? I haven't drank whiskey since I was sixteen. Men drink
scotch. Preferrable Johnny Walker.]
Jesus, Chadwick. Is there anything you won't fucking bitch
about? I mean come on, what do you do all day besides think
up things to bitch and moan about? Is this newsletter the
highlight of your life? Like i said asswipe, you need a
therapist. One of these days you're gonna kill someone with
all that pent up rage in you and then you won't be able to
put out this delightful bitch rag you put out. --Ash
[Hmmm...what do I do all day besides think up things to
bitch and moan about...you mean other than fucking your mom?]
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Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick
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End of UP YOURS!
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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