Publication: Clean Laffs
A little ointment should clear it right up. | |
Subscribe FREE to Clean Laffs by clicking here.
CLEAN LAFFS Tuesday, July 29, 2008
-----------------------------------------------------------
Good morning crew,
After a very mild afternoon of sailing on Saturday we tied
off to the courtesy dock in Burnham harbor and sat for a
while, talking and sipping on beers. As the afternoon sun
beat down on us we took a few dips in the harbor water until
it occurred to me to cut out the middle man.
strapping on my life vest and popping a can of beer in a
cozy cup I tied myself to one of the rails and floated away
from the boat, cool, comfortable and hydrated.
Of course, harbor water being what it is I think all of the
engine fuel and sewage I was soaking in gave me a rash. At
least, I hope that's what gave me the rash.
Laugh it up,
Joe
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum
***
50 WAR CLASSICS DVD COLLECTION
Real Uncut WWII Footage...
Retail Price: $59.99
DEAL PRICE: $14.99
This happens to be a deal you won't be able to pass up! You get
an incredible collection of 50 Award Winning movies & document-
aries about WWII all for just $14.99...
::::: THAT'S LESS THAN 30 CENTS A SHOW! :::::
Relive the victories and the tragedies with this DVD Set.
Military might, bravery and the heartache of war are captured
on this DVD Set. Brings to life the greatest battles and
campaigns of WWII over 60+ years ago. This 4 Volume, Double-
Sided DVD is a Collectible Treasure that makes a wonderful gift.
To order or get a complete list of titles, visit:
50 WAR CLASSICS DVD COLLECTION - Real Uncut WWII Footage
***
"Shark Week begins this week on the Discovery Channel. We
have a family tradition at the Kimmels during Shark Week.
Every year, on the Sunday that Shark Week begins, I make
my kids get in the pool with a small shark, and the first
one who gets bit, doesn't have to do dishes for the rest
of the year." -Jimmy Kimmel
***
"Japanese Sumo wrestling officials may start allowing
wrestlers now to wear pants. Ah, great – there goes the sex
appeal." --Dave Letterman
***
"A new study says that it actually takes men longer to shop
on the internet then it does for them to shop in an actual
store. Well of course! There's no naked women at the stores."
--Jay Leno
------------------------------------------------------------
IT'S BIG & IT GLOWS...
The Universal Jumbo Remote Control
Retail Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $6.99
The size virtually guarantees you won't lose it! With this
unique and user-friendly Universal Remote Control you will
never have problems reading the buttons again.
Replace all your remotes with one convenient unit. You can
control up to eight separate devices for your convenience,
while its large size prevents you from misplacing and losing
the remote again. Control your TV, VCR, DVD, SATELLITE, CABLE,
Or a mix of all.
The new glow keys make it amazingly clear to use in the dark!
Best of all it's compatible with almost all major brands of
TVs and A/V Devices.
Plus the Journey's Edge brand name ensures quality and
durability. Makes a thoughtful gift. Check it out at:
Universal Remote Control
------------------------------------------------------------
Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends'
and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to
compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted
on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number
of computer stores to find a software program that would do
the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found
one where the clerk seemed experienced.
"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays
and anniversaries?" I asked.
"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
A New York judge is ready to go through the day's business
and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly
Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.
The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk:
"Quick...get me a translator."
Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his
name is, how old is he and where does he come from?"
The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein
namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?"
The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect
English with a British accent: "Your Honour. My name is Sir
Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I've come
from England where I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at
Oxford University."
The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr
is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt,
und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun
Oxford."
____________________________________________________________
Visit the Clean Laffs Archives
Thousands of Great Free Videos
Visit the Clean Laffs Site
More FREE Fun & Entertainment
************************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Clean Laffs by clicking here.
|