Publication: Classic Laffaday
When I Turn Queer | |
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 6, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
I was making a pot of coffee and Clean Laffs Joe came in an
washed his coffee mug. He then went to the fridge and pulled out
a can of whipped cream.
"Watch this neat trick," he said.
I watched because I thought he was going to shove the can up his
ass without squealing, but that's not what he did. Instead he
just shot some of the whipped cream into the mug. Then he filled
the mug with coffee.
He smiled, took a sip and moaned, "Ummm! It makes it taste like
one of those mocha things from Satrbucks. You should try it."
"I will," I said, "as soon as I turn into a homo."
Whippingly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how
many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her
friend blonde friend from next door had recently done the same
job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for
your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but
she had 2 rolls leftover.
"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the
bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!"
"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."
Longevity, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.
---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
"You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with
a sneaker."
---Zach Galifianakis
Q: What charges can you bring against a transvestite?
A: Male fraud.
Lewis picked up a book from my desk. "'The History of
Alexander'," he read, "TZ, I'm impressed. "Written by
Quintus Curtius Rufus. Who was he?"
"I'm surprised you never heard of Rufus before," I said. "He was
the first black, Greek Historian. You've heard of Herodotus,
right?"
"Yes."
"OK, well, Rufus studied under a student of Herodotus. His name
was Lickmyassus."
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Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to
be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge
and go through the formal conversion process.
He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready
to take the test and complete the conversion.
On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready
to begin.
The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I
must discuss my fee. It's $5,000."
"$5,000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about
$500?"
"Congratulations," said the Rabbi, "you pass!"
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END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY:
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