Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 28, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
My 9-year-old daughter's softball team is a little light in the
coaching department so I've been helping them out. This weekend
we had an ump who had a very small strike zone and my fellow
coach momentarily lost his composure as some pretty good pitches
were called balls.
"What the hell, Blue?" he said. (Blue is what the umps are
called.)
One of the parents on the opposing team shouted, "Hey! Watch
your language!"
The coach looked at me and said, "Is hell a bad word?"
I said, "How the fuck do I know? Who do I look like, Miss
fuckin' Manners?"
You're-outly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
Submit a Comment
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Here is a list of my favorite things to do.
* You can have sex
* sexual intercourse
* a quickie
* consummate a marriage
* couple
* copulate
* coddle
* or commit the act of procreation.
* You could be making whoopee
* making love
* love making
* scrogging
* slapping skin
* or sweating to the oldies.
* You could sleep with someone
* sleep together
* sleep around
* fool around
* whore around
* screw around
* or just screw
* shag
* shank
* score
* fornicate
* fork
* pork
* pump
* poke
* plank
* pound
* boff bonk
* bop
* bone bang
* or boink.
* You could be dancing between the sheets
* doing the horizontal bop
* the horizontal mambo
* the prone boogie
* or even the hunka-chunka.
* You could be humping
* bumping
* humping and bumping
* bumping uglies
* the ol' bump and grind
* or making the two backed beast.
* You could play doctor
* hide the salami
* hide the sausage because dammit, it is the most fun you can
have with your clothes off.
* You could break in a new mattress or give the old one a workout.
* You could be squeaking the springs
* annoying the neighbors
* or making a big mistake.
* You could get them in the sack
* get little action
* get a little nookie
* get a piece of tail
* get a piece of ass
* get it on
* get some
* get frisky
* get lucky
* get laid
* get all hot and sticky
* or just get it wet
* and I am not making this up get a little sticky steak up in this
bitch.
* You could be mounted
* mounting
* rutting
* breeding
* starting a family
* pulling the train
* slamming the stack.
* Two for me none for you.
* Not going anywhere for a while?
* You could turn a trick or take pity on the poor bastard and give
it away.
* Happy hammering
* hammer
* nail
* sow your wild oats
* lose your virginity
* or induce pregnancy the old-fashioned way.
* Take a roll in the hay
* a trip to the tunnel of love
* or a trip to paradise if you are taking the scenic route. Hit a
home run
* hit the twizzer
* knock boots
* tap that ass
* shoplift the pootie
* plunder the booty
* count the ceiling tiles
* ruin a friendship
* or close the scroat.
* Do the wild thing
* do it
* doing it
* doing the nasty
* the nasty
* the old in-out in-out
* dip the wick
* dip the stick (or if you are with a moron, you could stick the dip).
* Wet the noodle
* check the oil
* check the temperature
* give her the pork sword injection
* or the hot beef injection depending on your religion.
* Or perhaps even commit assault with a vein laden meat pipe
* You could give in
* give it up
* go for it
* go for the gold
* go for the gusto
* go for broke
* or even go all the way after all it is the fastest way to the top.
* You could engage in a fluid transfer
* relieve some tension
* relieve some pressure
* or experience a hormonal episode.
* It is a labor of love
* hanky panky
* and as a friend of mine once said "the noblest of all causes"
* or you could just fuck.
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How many feminists does it take to blow out the candles on my
birthday cake?
Two: One to blow out the candles and one to suck my dick.
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs
and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's
two stunning 21 year old twin daughters sitting on the bed.
"Hello dere, girls. Your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs,
"Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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