Publication: Classic Laffaday
That's Your Nanny? | |
Subscribe FREE to Classic Laffaday by clicking here.
<<<<<<<<<<<<< From the Laff-a-Day Archives >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Classic Laff-a-Day - May 6, 2008
Laffaday.com
------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe & unsubscribe links are at the bottom of the page.
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I took the family out to breakfast recently and as we were about
to dig in somebody tapped me on the shoulder. It was my cousin
the CPA, his wife the doctor and their two small children.
We said our hellos and I was trying to say my goodbyes when he
said, "...And I'd like to introduce you to Sandra--Sandra is
our live-in nanny."
And Sandra was a total fox. I mean I got a hard on in the middle
of the restaurant.
I pulled my cousin aside while the three women talked.
"Are you fucking kiddding me?"
"What?" he said.
"You brought a hot, young woman into your house? I mean, I don't
even live there and I want to bone her. Why didn't you try to
find someone who looks like Nanny McPhee?"
"We tried the ugly route--it just didn't work out."
No-shitly,
TZ
Is LASIK right for you? Find out at AllAboutVision, visit:
http://pd.gophercentral.com/r/201/c/102/a/100226/l/8542p4
Send me your comments and jokes:
Submit a Comment
THE MONACO by XCool Sunglasses
Normal Price: $49.99
DEAL PRICE: $3.99
The Monaco Style sunglasses are the very embodiment of elegance
and glamour. Created with meticulous craftsmanship and quality
materials, each pair ensures superb comfort & durability.
Everyone will love the Monaco style (Male or Female)... with it's
rich and comfortable frame that feels great on your face! The
gradient lenses add to the elegance.
With UVA and UVB protection and a LIFETIME WARRANTY, the Monaco
Sunglasses by XCool are pure style and safety! Grab a pair or
two by visiting:
THE MONACO by XCool Sunglasses
Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her
weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these
meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim
figure," she lamented to the woman next to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You’ll feel
better, too."
"You don’t understand. He likes to do it while I'm at these
damn meetings."
What do you call two full beers occupying both hands of a
person?
Irish handcuffs.
"Whatever you have, spend less."
---Samuel Johnson
People have been sending me articles written by the good people
at GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) in an
attempt to enlighten me. So I’d like to go on record and say
that I love the people at GLAAD. So much so that I’d like to
nail each one of them in the ass.
Nobody Did It Like Johnny Carson...
Johnny Carson dominated late night television for 30 years.
His charm, wit and talent for bringing out the funniest in
his guests made him a TV icon and a household name. 'The King
of Late Night' celebrates this TV dynasty with four hours of
rare, classic footage from The Tonight Show on two DVD discs.
This Collectible DVD Collection Includes:
- Original, Rare, Live Footage
- Highlights from the classic episode when Dean Martin crashed
the show which is regarded as one of the funniest shows in
television history.
- One whole hour is devoted to Johnny's most popular guests
- The most requested Carson Show ever, the final episode, in
its entirety.
Every minute is filled with laughs and one-of-a-kind, never-to-
be-repeated moments in television history. Get the very best
moments of The Tonight Show with Johnny and Save $5.00. This
two-volume collector's dream is now just $19.99.
Johnny Carson - The King of Late Night Collection
Dear Diary,
Once a week my dad comes by the office and we go out and have
a nice lunch. After eating we drive to a park and have a cigar.
While sitting on the bench my dad and I have discussed all sorts
of things, but this week when he started talking about the
meaning of life I paid extra close attention.
"TZ," he said squinting into the sun, "it’s easy to figure out
what the meaning of life is. One just has to examine the natural
world to find the answers."
"What, like mountains and rivers and stuff like that?" I asked
confused.
My dad looked at me the way Clint Eastwood looked at Eli Wallach
as he was about to be hung in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
(Eli Wallach was The Ugly). "Damn, son. You should have eaten
more fish when you were young. No, I mean lower animals as
distinguished from man."
"Huh?"
"Why do birds sing? Why do peacocks prance? Why do lions fight?
It all comes down to attracting a mate... It all comes down to
pussy."
It hit me like a ton of bricks. Dad was right. The meaning of
life is pussy.
************************************************************
To see past issues of Classic Laffaday visit our archive at:
Classic Laffaday Archives
************************************************************
*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
************************************************************
Want some FUN and AMUSEMENT in your email box F-R-E-E? Visit:
See More Award Winning Publications
____________________________________________________________
END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY:
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Classic Laffaday by clicking here.
|