Publication: Classic Laffaday
That Gas Cost Me Plenty | |
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 27, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
My three kids are in a total of five different sports. The girls
play softball and volley ball, and the boy plays baseball.
Scheduling is crazy, but they're having a blast. When I told my
daughters that I signed them up for the sports the younger one,
9 years-old, threw a fit. I made her try it, she loved it, she
stuck with it.
Anyway, shuffling the kids back and forth and watching their
games has brought a lot of my old memories up from the depths
of my psyche. I was telling Lewis about the first wrestling
tournament I ever went to...
"I was in 5th grade and had never wrestled before. But I heard
about the tournament, walked to the high school, signed up and
won my way into the finals. I remember that match like it was
yesterday. The kid kept farting--and it wasn't just gas. It was
the worst fucking smell in the world. I was choking. Even the
ref's eyes were tearing up."
"So did you win?" Lewis asked.
"No, no. I gave up. I said to myself, 'let him pin you before he
shits all over you.'"
Transportingly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
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Magilla had a friendly vistor who was trying to recruit him on a
golf trip.
"When are you planning on going?" Magilla asked.
"On the ides of March," Smedley said borrowing the ancient term
for the middle of March.
"Ahh, yes, that's a good time to go," I chimed in with my
English accent. "After all Caesar crossed the Rubicon on the
ides of March."
"No he didn't," said Smedley. "Caesar was stabbed on the ides of
March."
"What?" I shouted. "Sid Caesar's been stabbed?"
Oh, by the way, How many feminists does it take to cross the
Rubicon?
Two: One to cross it, and one to suck my dick.
Have you heard the new song that Elton John and Michael Jackson
wrote?
It's called: "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me."
A young lad is caught stealing soap from the local soap factory.
When the case comes to court the judge decides to make an
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Judge: "Well, what have you to say in your defense?"
Boy: "Only that I'm sorry your honor."
Judge: "Hrmph. I sentence you to 10 years hard labor, starting
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Boy: "But sir, it was only a few bars of cheap soap!"
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Kids are different today. I recently spent an afternoon with a
bunch of twelve to fifteen-year-olds, and I must say, they are
much better humans than me and the group I used to hang
around with were. These kids didn’t swear, or fight, or talk
about trying to feel-up some nice girl they were dating--these
kids had morals.
On my way home I was transported back in time. I saw a thirteen-
year-old TZ excitedly running home. There he found his best
friend Donny waiting for him.
"Hey, TZ, where the fuck ya been? I’ve been waiting here all
fuckin’ day."
"Shit, sorry, man. Here, smell my fingers," I said as I shoved
my fingers under his nose. "I finally got to third base!"
"Hey! Fuck you, man!" he said trying to get away. "That’s my
sister you’re going out with!"
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