Publication: Classic Laffaday
Stranger Than Fiction | |
Subscribe FREE to Classic Laffaday by clicking here.
<<<<<<<<<<<<< From the Laff-a-Day Archives >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Classic Laff-a-Day - April 4, 2008
Laffaday.com
------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe & unsubscribe links are at the bottom of the page.
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I don't know what they're talking about in this clip (I think
it's in French), but it is the funniest shit I've seen in a
long time. You gotta check it out. And if you know French and
understand what they are talking about please let me know.
Foreign Talk Show Host Loses His Job
http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=7776
It gets funnier every time I watch it.
Universally,
TZ
P.S. Turns out he lost his balls.
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
Submit a Comment
TOUGH TOOLS LED TORCH FLASHLIGHT
Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $4.99
Don't let the size fool you... This amazing little flashlight
uses nine of the brightest led bulbs available and is one of the
most energy efficient types of flashlights available today! With
its compact size and light weight design makes it really handy
and portable. It's perfect for camping, travel, boating, home
emergency kits, or even walking the dog! Colors may vary.
FEATURES:
- Waterproof - 100,000 hour LEDs - Safety Bell
- 10 mile visibility... - 120 foot effective range
- Anti-shock structure - Takes 3 AAA Batteries (INCLUDED)
Save more when you buy two or more.
Order one (1) for just $4.99
SAVE $2.00 and get two (2) for $7.98
SAVE $3.00 and get three (3) for $11.97
SAVE $4.00 and get four (4) for $15.96
TOUGH TOOLS LED TORCH FLASHLIGHT
Work is starting to piss me off. People are actually expecting
me to do stuff. All day long it's, "TZ, can you help me with
this?" TZ, did you finish that?" Yo, asswipe, the only thing I
'Finnished' was that broad on the back side of mountain in
Sweden when I was skiing there.
"TZ, this is late." "TZ, this is due" "TZ, TZ, TZ!"
Hey, leave me alone, okay? If after all these years you need me
to start working now, then this company is fucked. If there is
so much to do then let's hire another monkey and get him to do
it. It's good for his family, it's good for the economy, hell, I
bet it's even good for the war on terror. So hire someone else
to do this shit and help support the troops... or bring them
home... I don't give a fuck, just leave me the hell alone.
Bernie was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of
the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife
for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen,
it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the
grocery store!"
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Bernie boy
decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answered and Bernie said, "May I speak with the Vice
President of peas, please?"
The clerk replied, "Canned or frozen?"
"I once made love to a female clown. It was weird because she
twisted my penis into a poodle."
---Dan Whitney
How many feminists does it take to get to the center of a
tootsie-pop?
None, they are all too busy sucking my dick.
VICTORY AT SEA DVD COLLECTION
Original Price: $199.99
Normal Price: $69.99
OUR PRICE: $14.99
For the first time ever you can get Victory At Sea on DVD.
Considered the most influential documentary in television history,
Victory At Sea, in the words of Harper’s Weekly, "created a new art
form." The 26 half-hour episodes were culled from over 13,000 hours
of footage shot by the U.S., British, German and Japanese navies
during World War II.
Original 26 Episodes Digitally Restored on 3 DVDs, plus RARE
footage from:
* Iwo Jima * Okinawa * Guadalcanal * Mediterrainean
This is one DVD collection that EVERY history buff will want to
own. To get more info or to order, visit:
Victory At Sea DVD Collection
The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some
of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollars pipelined through
Washington by designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics, as a
language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this
language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from
the Hickbonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi,Hire yew?"
BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is
Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an'
left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't
herd from him in munts."
THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and
yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup
truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup
truck."
FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my
pickup truck, that thang's gonna catch far."
TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git
a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to
see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or
combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some
farn country."
DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - (noun) - A colourless, odourless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give "im some ear!"
BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that
bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked
but a minnit'n 'is laf."
SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."
************************************************************
To see past issues of Classic Laffaday visit our archive at:
Classic Laffaday Archives
************************************************************
*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
************************************************************
Want some FUN and AMUSEMENT in your email box F-R-E-E? Visit:
See More Award Winning Publications
____________________________________________________________
END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY:
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Classic Laffaday by clicking here.
|