Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 10, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
All the boys in my son's ittle league are now required to wear
a cup. My wife bought him one and gave it to him.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's a cup," she answered. "It, covers...it goes over...it
ummm..."
"It protects the family jewels," I jumed in.
He started laughing. I grabbed it and looked at the size.
"Youth medium?" I said. "It's too big. Poor kid ain't gonna be
able to walk."
She said, "I just figured..."
"I know, I know," I said. "You figured he takes after me. Give
the lad time, honey. Give him time."
"No! I want it!"
"OK, but we'll get you another one for this year and save this
one for next year."
So we put it on him and he started running into walls, cup first,
testing his invincibility. We laughed and laughed until my
youngest daughter went up to him and knocked on the cup with her
knuckles.
"Don't do that!" I shouted.
"Why not?" she said, "you did."
"Yeah, it's okay for me because I'm his father. But you're a
girl... Didn't I ever tell you that if you touch a boy's
private place--ever, for your whole life, if you touch a boy's
privates, then, well, then your mother will die."
I don't really know what happened after that because my oldest
daughter started laughing, my youngest daughter satrted crying,
my wife started screaming and my son kept saying, "Really?
Really? Really?"
Preventively,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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A Mr. Jones was sued by a Mrs. Johnson for defamation of
character. She charged that he had called her a pig. Mr. Jones
was indeed found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, "Your Honor, this means that
I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
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with no fear of legal action.
Mr. Jones grinned, looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said,
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for
many years. "Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly
the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet
and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who
look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world
cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine."
"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women."
---A law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could
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Q. How many Freudian analysts does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A. Two, one to screw in the light bulb and one to hold
my penis, I mean the ladder.
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near
Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the
ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his
car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his
car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his
car.
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service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over,
walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered
it to the driver.
The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just
bought some."
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