Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 17, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
Lewis walked into my office wanting to show me a picture of a
pygmy orgy, when he stopped and sniffed the air.
He said, "Your office smells like shit. Did you cut one right
before I walked in?"
"No," I said. "It's actual shit. Sheryl Crow says that in order
to save the environment we all must only use one square of
toilet paper after we take a dump. So in the last three days
I've only used three squares of toilet paper. Not only am I
saving the world, I'm also saving a shitload of money."
"Yeah, but the stench..."
"I know. Plus my ass itches all the time, and I think I'm
getting an infection around my poop shute. But, hey, this
is important. So what if the plague makes a comeback and kills
half the world. At least we will have done our part."
Contributingly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
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Four Cajuns were sitting around a campfire near the Atchafalaya
Basin. They were "philosophizing" on what was the fastest thing
in the world.
Boudreaux said, "I tink de fassest ting in the werld is a
'tought', because before you ken tink of it it's already tought."
Thibodeaux said, "No, the fassest ting in the werld is a 'blink'
because before you ken tink about it you dun blunk already."
Alfonse said, "No, the fassest ting in the werld is lectricity
because when you turn dat light switch on de lectricity travels
fass-fass and the lights come on before you know it."
T-Boy said,"Ya'll all wrongg, the fassest ting in the werld is
diarrhea."
Everyone asked, "Diarrhea?"
T-Boy said, "Yea, lass night before I could tink, blink, or turn
on de lights, I done shit ma pants."
"Guys, learn this: even if you're just living with a woman
you're not even married to -- give up any thought of being
involved in interior decoration of the place you're going to
live in. All your beer stuff, your sports mirrors, put them
in storage. I've been to Wayne Gretsky's house, he's got
five MVP trophies, and you know where they are? They're in
the fucking garage."
--Denis Leary
"I'm not a fatalist. But even if I were, what could I do
about it?"
---- Emo Philips
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Joan had invited her younger sister, Nancy, to leave her country
home and come to the city for a weekend to see how the urban half
lived. She also arranged for a friend of hers named Bill to take
Nancy out for a night on the town.
After a pleasant dinner and a show, Bill and Nancy went to Bill’s
apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music
for a pleasant interlude; then Bill suggested they retire to the
bedroom.
"Oh, no," Nancy protested. "I don’t think my sister would like
it."
"Nonsense," said Bill, as he gently took her arm. "She loves it."
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