Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 5, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
I'm looking out the window at the first nice day in a couple of
weeks. I feel like a kid stuck in school staring out the window.
I'm supposed to pick up my nine-year-old daughter form softball
practice in about an hour. I wonder if they would get mad at me
if I just skipped that and let her walk home while I went
golfing? Practice is only about 4 miles from the house, and she
could probably thumb a ride for most of the way...
Hmm, decisions, decisions.
Selfishly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto a
weight machine that told your fortune and weight for a quarter.
She put a quarter in, and out came a card that read:
"Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs, and you play the fiddle."
She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play the fiddle,
but it did have her age correct. About that time, an old
gentleman walked up carrying a fiddle. She asked him if she
could see his fiddle. He agreed and to their amazement, she
began playing the fiddle with great natural skill.
She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something
about her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided to
try the weight machine again. She put another quarter in the
machine, and out comes the card that reads:
"Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have gastritis."
She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health.
So she went back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus.
While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains that continue
to get worse until she lets rip a humongous batch of anal air.
She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the
machine was capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn't
know.
She goes back and puts another quarter in the machine. Out comes
a card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you
are about to have sex."
She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent
guy to screw around with for months, with no luck. She is
sitting there waiting for the bus, when this attractive young
man sits down and immediately their eyes locked, and they both
knew that they were right for each other. They quickly ducked
down an alley and began to go at it like rutting pigs.
The woman was so simply amazed at the ability of the machine,
that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the machine,
put her last quarter in, and out came a card that read:
"Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs. You've fiddled, you've
farted, you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."
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END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY:
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