Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 26, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
I just got off the phone with a woman in Texas who was
complaining about the cold.
"What's the temperature there?" I asked.
"It's so cold that I put booties on my Chihuahua."
"Yeah?" I replied. "Well, call me when you need help heating up
your Schnauzer."
Helpfully,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
Submit a Comment
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A little old Jewish lady sold pretzels on a street corner for
twenty-five cents each. Every day a young lawyer would leave his
office building at lunch time, and as he passed her pretzel
stand, he would leave her a quarter but never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than five years. The two of them never
spoke. One day, as the lawyer passed the old lady’s stand and
left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him.
"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I
have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to thirty-
five cents."
"Never invite vegetarians to BBQ's, it’s like inviting lesbians
to a dick sucking festival."
---Eddie Olavarrieta
A female Mountie pulled over a drunk Saskatchewan farmer
driving down the back roads. She said to him, "You're under
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The Rabbi explains that he must move on to a larger congregation
that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave. Sol Epstein, who owns several car
dealerships in the city stands up and proclaims, "If the Rabbi
stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and
his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Sam
Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor stands and
says, "If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double
his salary and also establish a foundation to guarantee the
college education of all his children!"
More sighs and loud applause. Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands
and announces with a smile, "If the Rabbi stays, I vill give
him sex!"
There is total silence.
The Rabbi, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever
possessed you to say that?" Sadie's 90 year old husband,
Jacob, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the
palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while
his wife replies, "Vell, I just asked mein husband how ve could
help, and he said, "Fuck that Rabbi."
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