Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 3, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
How about a bit of reader mail...
TZ, we have a question. It does not matter, either way, it's
just going to settle a bet. (Yes, there is sex involved......)
Are you black? Thanks! Keep up the GREAT work! D & J in Ohio.
Dear D & J, Thanks for the note. While the vast majority of
humans have nappy-headed-ho blood in us, I can't trace any to
my family in recent history. But please feel free to color me
black and use me in your Mandingo fantasies... Just don't
imagine me bound while a group of escaped convicts sodomize me
as I suck my thumb. Now, who has to go down on who?
Imus-ly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
Submit a Comment
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A man making the bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he
went into a popular night spot. The bartender refused to
serve him and told him he should go home.
Man: My wife will kill me.
Bartender: Take her some candy.
Man: She is on a diet.
Bartender: Take her some flowers.
Man: She has allergies.
Bartender: Tell her a poem.
Man: She loves poems... But I don't know any.
Bartender: Here is one for you. The Bartender recites:
YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH
BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS
BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE
-"Shakespeare"
Man: I can handle that. So walking home the man was reciting to
himself the poem. When he gets home he is unable to find his
keys. So he knocks on the door.
Wife: You better not have been drinking!
Man: Sweetness, I have a poem for you!
Wife: It had better be good.
The man starts to recite the poem...
YOU BABYLONIAN BITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND PURPLE TITS.
BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS A PUSSY LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PECKER RISE.
This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What'll
ya have?"
The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian club."
I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with
him. He was pretty drunk, but I figured what the hell. So were
dancing and I asked, "So, are you enjoying yourself, Richard?"
He said, "I prefer Dick."
I said, "Well so do I, but what does that have to do with
anything?"
"There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have
been complimented myself a great many times, and they always
embarrass me -- I always feel that they have not said enough."
--- Mark Twain, U.S. novelist and humorist
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Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the
initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus
drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth
because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo.
The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your
Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers
are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds
a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to
talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel
where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own
Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced
by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph
is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler:
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And,
following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda...
"The Apostles were in one Accord."
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