Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 1, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
Sometimes in the morning my kids will pick out the clothes they
want me to wear. Most of the time they do well and I look like
the stud that I am. But other times they pick the goofiest
looking shit in the closet--shit that I don't even remember
buying. I tell them, "Hey, I don't even remember buying this."
And they say, "That's because it's not yours. Uncle Charles
wore that over and left it here one day."
And I say, "Who is Uncle Charles and why is he taking off his
shirt in my house?"
They always just shrug and say, "A lot of people do."
Anyway, I walked into the office today and everyone started
laughing. "Your kids dress you again, TZ?"
"Nope, this is all me," I said. "I didn't see myself in a
mirror until I was downstairs and I didn't feel like going
back up and changing."
Clean Laffs Joe looked me up and down shaking his head. "Man,"
he said, "I would have walked ten miles not to look like
that."
Clashingly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
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We are thinking of hiring a guy named Sergy who lives in the
Ukraine to do some programming for us. I was sitting in on the
conference call with him because I’m trying to add a Ukrainian
accent to my arsenal of impersonations. The guy was very
knowledgeable, but thankfully for my purposes, didn’t have an
overwhelming command of the English language.
When it became apparent that Sergy worked alone and didn’t have
a support staff to cover him, our head geek became a bit alarmed.
Head Geek: "Sergy, what happens if you get sick and can’t
complete the programming on time?"
Sergy: "You no worry. Sergy sick, Sergy work. Ukrainian tough.
Dis job very important to Sergy. I try save money for vacation
to Chechnya."
Head Geek: "OK... But what if you get hit by a bus and die?"
Sergy: "If Sergy hit by bus and die, den Sergy no care about
stinkin' job."
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
Roses are red
They grow in this region
If I had your face
I'd join the Foreign Legion
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It would win an Emmy for Outstanding Children's Series, and
its soundtrack album earned a Grammy.
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There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he
wanted to breed them, so he hired his neighbor's bull and turned
it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in
and tell him when the bull was finished.
After a while the boy came into the living room where his father
was talking with some friends. "Hey, Dad?" said the boy. "The
bull just fucked the brown cow."
The room went silent. The father excused himself and took his
son outside. "Son, you mustn't use language like that in front
of company. You could say 'The bull surprised the brown cow'.
Now go and watch and tell me when the bull surprises the white
cow."
After a while the boy came in and said, "Hey, Dad?"
"Let me guess," said the father, "the bull surprised the white
cow?"
"He sure did, Pop! He fucked the brown cow again."
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