Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 7, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
In an effort to bond with my aging father I decided to take him
up on his offer to cut my hair.
Everything was fine until he said, "Woops."
"Woops?" I said. "What happened?"
"I messed up around your ear. It's not that bad. I used the
wrong attachment. Nobody will notice."
I got up, went to the mirror and saw that there was a bald
stripe going halfway around my right ear.
I started laughing. "OK, no problem. Just take the clipper and
buzz me bald."
"Really?" he said. "You sure?"
"Absolutely."
So he did it, and I gotta say, even bald I'm damn good looking.
Scalpingly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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Some stiff I know was on the phone telling me that the major
problem nowadays is information overload. His theory sounded
reasonable, and I figured if I agreed with him enough then he
would put me out of my misery by letting me get off the phone.
"I'm glad it makes sense to you, TZ," he spoke at lightning
pace. "I just emailed you the research that should solidify the
idea in your head."
I opened the email, and attached was a twelve page document in
small print. Before I knew what was happening I heard myself
say, "Are you fucking kidding me? You just explained to me how
'information overload' is creating an apathetic world and now
you want me to read this shit? Send it to me when the
Cliff Notes are available, OK?"
Hey TZ, I'm getting tired of your insenistive feminist jokes.
If I were a feminist I'd come over there and beat the crap out
of you! Then I'd suck your dick... L
Ink- n. A villainous compound of tanno-gallate of iron, gum-
Arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of
idiocy and promote intellectual crime...
---Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dictionary
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Lewis and Jethro were standing around talking sports. Lewis is
a football freak and Jethro is a baseball fanatic. I swear, if
some professional ball player were to stop by the office and
whip out his johnson one of these guys would kiss it.
"So both of you guys sit around watching sports all weekend?" I
asked.
"I watch as many games as I can," drawled Jethro. "I got me the
Direct TV baseball package!"
"I have the Direct TV football package," said Lewis.
"Who needs Direct TV?" I said. "I got my own package to keep me
busy."
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